To think exDP should cough up?

[FrostyFlamingo]

I'm a single mum of 3, I work full time and yet I'm struggling financially so bad. I know a lot of people are in the same boat!
I work in a school and my anxiety was so bad today I have to leave a classroom to have a little cry.
DC's DF earns more than I do and doesn't pay much, when he does he moans about it! DC stay with him every other weekend and a couple of times in the week he will see them and he has a good relationship with them but he refuses to pay full child maintenance. AIBU to think a dad should help out financially for their children? Instead I get called a shit mum and the kids deserve better. Just can't cope anymore

Have you opened a case with the CMS? That’s what it’s there for.

What's the contact split? Overnights are what count and you say he has them EOW and a couple of nights in the week.

Why doesn't he pay full Maintenance?

If he doesn't pay what he should go to CMS

Why aren’t you going through CMS? Every time I read these I wonder that.

eow and a couple nights a week sounds like 3/7 nights a week... thats nearly 50-50 isnt it...

This thread is only going to be full of people saying go to cms so is there a reason why you haven’t already? It’s the obvious solution...

Same, I wonder what responses they are expecting other than to open a case with cms.

Do you mean he won’t pay full child maintenance as if he doesn’t look after them at all or full child maintenance considering the time they spend with Dad?

Well of course you aren't being unreasonable. Go through the CMS

We have always had an agreement that he will always help out but it's getting a bit much now. I've asked him about CM payments and he thinks it's unfair since he sees the DC. Not even asking for full CM. I mentioned CMS and he turned all toxic and verbally abusive

EOW and twice in a week is, on theory 6 out of 14 nights, however, I bet anything that all of the actual expenses of uniform, clothes, school meals, gifts for birthday parties, haircuts, etc fall to mum. The number of nights is a very crude measure that rarely reflects the actual split of costs.

For God's sake OP, he does not "help out" he's their father, not a kindly Uncle. Sod his "toxicity", he's an ex, who cares if he hates you? Your children are owed a decent level of support by both parents. CMS is rarely that anyway but at least it's a start. Go formal, go objective, open a case, keep it factual.

Go through CMS. Seeing the children isn't the same as providing for them.

You don’t need his permission to
claim cm

He sounds like a twat and don’t be afraid of his bullying tactics. Go through CMS asap!

Why wouldn't you claim full CM? He's not doing you a favour by supporting his own children. Fuck him and go get what your children are owed.

You don't need to talk to him about CMS, just ring them/get the claim in online. Provided that he is not a self-employed book fiddler they will get him sorted. They will tell you what you are entitled to - he can then oay up or you can enlist them to help to stop it from his wages if need be.

You are entitled to more from him than this - and CMS takes away a stick to beat you with too. I bet he was controlling / financially abusive when you were together and this is a way of continuing that - you need to take away his power.

You see your DC too and yet you also manage to pay for them and house them...

Go to CMS. Of course he's going to be angry because then he won't be able to wriggle out of paying.

The money isn't for you, it's for your DC. Why should they go without and always be subject to you having to scrimp and save if their father is able to contribute?

Ex has the dcs EOW. When looking at what's fair for your dcs if you split you have to look at not only the cost of housing them but the effect on parental earnings of physically looking after them, cooking, washing and cleaning. I do think that many men escape the reality and responsibility for their dcs. The cap on energy was £1,271 last year and it's £2,500 this year. Food's increased over 14%.

Oh just get on the phone and make a bloody claim. Your bursting into tears mid lessons yet still don't want burden him!! I can't fathom this!

Stop talking about it and just do it. CMS claim. Your currently at his whim and that's what he wants. What you and your children need is a proper financial arrangement.

And if he turns abusive and toxic, call the police .

You need to bite the bullet and go through cms. I got a lot of verbal abuse from the childrens father over it too. I just refuse to engage. And sign posted him to cms whenever he brought it up.

It didn't help me much. He a serial job hopper. Etc. But when he is working they do catch up with him or sorts.

Yes just go through CMS. It's for precisely this.

If you do go through CMS, are you prepared for him to ask for 50/50? If you are struggling for cash now, a court case isn't going to help. Not saying you shouldn't but it should be considered.