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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this decision about how to give birth is impossible

201 replies

AliceAbsolum · 20/10/2022 14:04

7 years trying, 5 rounds of IVF, previous loss. Consultant wants to induce at 39 weeks due to ivf. Or I can elect for a c section. I've been incredibly anxious through this whole pregnancy and I have no idea how to make this decision. Every time I read about it I just go back and forth. There are pros and cons on each side. It's impossible!

I'd like a straightforward natural birth but that looks unlikely to happen. How can you decide about something where you have no idea what will happen? I don't have any gut feelings or strong preferences either way. I don't want major surgery but I also don't want 3 days of pain and panic followed by surgery....

Maybe I'll just ask the consultant whats safest for the baby and go with that.

How did other people decide?

OP posts:

quietnightmare · 20/10/2022 15:05

Whichever the doctors belive is the safest and best option for the baby

PanettoneMoly · 20/10/2022 15:06

If I had any another child, I’d opt for a planned C-section without hesitation. Was induced at 39+4 weeks due to reduced movements but would have been induced at 40 weeks because of my age (40 - no mention of inducing because of IVF pregnancy). Wasn’t a pleasant experience tbh.

RandomMusings7 · 20/10/2022 15:11

A vaginal birth is a naturally occurring event,

...which can absolutely wreck your body, end up in you being ripped open asshole to clitoris, make you incontinent, give you a prolapse and a gazillion other natural outcomes. Natural isn't always best.

DreamingofGinoclock · 20/10/2022 15:13

I think the thing with induction is it's so variable depending on a lot of factors.

For my second my consultant wanted me to not go over 40 weeks (for risk to me rather than baby) .. however I knew in my circumstances the risk was small so managed to push that to 41 weeks (as was scared of induction given how intense it can be if put on the drip).

I'm glad I did as I assume I wasn't far off birth and only had to have the first stage (in my trust this was a pessary).

I think this reflects the varied experiences on this thread ...if your body is nearly ready to deliver an induction presents as fine ( in that's it's no different than if you had a straight forward naturally occurring birth), but if you body isn't ready then it can lead to more interventions and potentially a c section anyway.

Guiltycat · 20/10/2022 15:14

C-section.

Any day.

If men were physically capable of giving birth that would be the default option. Much safer (you have entire team of specialists dedicated to you and baby), far more humane to you and less likely to result in disability/injury for both of you.

Hearing some of the stories of women left in rooms on their own for hours, the panic, pain and long term injuries from forceps etc. makes me shudder.

ChocFrog · 20/10/2022 15:17

If it was me, I wouldn’t have an induction, I can only go on the stories of people I’ve met and their experiences weren’t positive (including one poor woman who was induced then made to labour for six days before they let her have a c section!)

A planned c-section is extremely safe, particularly for the baby, and as you have had such a hard journey to this point, I would probably do that.

Natural birth has pros and cons - I had a ‘good birth’ ie quick with no need for pain relief - but I still got a 3rd degree tear and am lucky not to be completely incontinent. (Only stress incontinence 😕). Absolutely explore more why you have been advised against natural birth. I wonder if it is your age, which I don’t know, as placenta failure is much more likely after age 35. If the consultant is just seeing ivf = no natural birth then he’s probably misinformed/ out of date.

Bottom line is, planned c section is the option most likely to give you a healthy baby. As you’ve been advised to avoid natural birth, I would do a section purely on the basis that if something did go wrong, you know you did absolutely everything you could to make it safe.

cafedesreves · 20/10/2022 15:19

Planned c section

ChocFrog · 20/10/2022 15:19

Just to emphasise - if you have a c section you are not missing out on anything. Vaginal birth sucks. It isn’t empowering, or moving, it’s just nloody dangerous and a total pain. Literally.

(Breastfeeding however can feel incredible and I hope you get the opportunity to do that and that it goes well for you.)

Ilikeanimalsmorethanpeople · 20/10/2022 15:20

I had to choose between this and I went for the C section, I had wanted a natural water birth gas and air etc (how I laugh now) but I thought there isn't actually anything natural about being induced once they pump you full of drugs and get things moving manually, so a C section better suited me plus I knew when baby was coming (ended up 2 days earlier EMCS) I would always choose a c section now! Recovery etc all fine 🙂

RefuseTheLies · 20/10/2022 15:23

DD1 induction. Hell on earth. 3 days of labour, episiotomy, both me and my baby ended up with a prolonged hospital stay due to infection picked up because I was in labour so long.

DD2 planned cs. Absolutely heavenly and a joy from start to finish. The recovery was fine (I’ve had sorer stomach muscles from a heavy gym session than I did after the surgery). I was in at 9am on Friday, out 8pm on Saturday.

Xenia · 20/10/2022 15:26

Probably best to do what the doctor ways. I was lucky enough to have "natural" births(which worked very well for me) but I was not in the situation of having IVF etc.

Herejustforthisone · 20/10/2022 15:27

RefuseTheLies · 20/10/2022 15:23

DD1 induction. Hell on earth. 3 days of labour, episiotomy, both me and my baby ended up with a prolonged hospital stay due to infection picked up because I was in labour so long.

That’s how I felt. I was cosseted and brought things in the hospital bed, and had no pain. I had a pulling feeling when I sat up in bed, that was it. Amazing experience.

Ship · 20/10/2022 15:28

Planned section. I’ve had a emergency and a planned one. The difference was stark in my recovery and mental well being. Planned c section was a million times better. I wouldn’t risk emcs.

Original poster

AliceAbsolum · 20/10/2022 15:37

All really good points. If I go into labour naturally before 39 weeks that one thing. But being stuck on a bed with a drip and continuous monitoring, first baby, it just sounds awful. I'm so anxious about the baby everyday I can see myself just unraveling in that situation.
Plus what if they are short staffed that day? Or you get a shitty midwife? It's the last thing I need after everything I've been through.

OP posts:

Thatsplentyjack · 20/10/2022 15:40

Eunoia · 20/10/2022 14:08

Sorry but taking the natural birth route in this situation is unrealistic. Always go for the safest option.

Why is it unrealistic?

steppemum · 20/10/2022 15:40

I have had 3 inductions.
One was long and drawn out.
The other 2 were pretty much natural births. I was givne a pessary, that started labour and then progressed like a natural birth.

So on that basis I would go for induction.

ParentallyUnprepared · 20/10/2022 15:42

I've given birth both way, including an emergency situation after being in labour for over 40 hours.

Planned c section all the way.

Caiti19 · 20/10/2022 15:42

No two circumstances are the same, but I would say your age should be a consideration. I loved my planned section - I just exhaled once I knew all the "what ifs" were eliminated. Staff were so calm, we were so calm - no comparison at all to my emergency section post failed induction - it was truly traumatic.

Lulu45677 · 20/10/2022 15:43

Don’t get induced. Go for the elective section 100%. Most of the time induction ends up with an emergency section anyway.

Dochas12111 · 20/10/2022 15:44

Planned section!! Just get baby out and safe! I’ve also been 5 years, 6 rounds ivf. Recovery was hard from the c section but I don’t care. She’s 3 months now and asleep in my arms and worth every bit of the pain and heartache @AliceAbsolum

Laurapb88 · 20/10/2022 15:50

Covid made my mind up for me my ivf baby was born middle of April 2020 and was double breach I was in a blind panic because I was on my own and opted for a section at 39 weeks the section was actually very calm and over all not a bad experience my husband being kicked out after 20 minutes was awful and the midwives weren't very helpful but you won't be on your own what ever you choose good luck and congratulations

Glitterspy · 20/10/2022 15:52

Peachi82 · 20/10/2022 14:08

I had a planned section with my second child and it was an absolute amazing experience and I would do it over and over again like this.
It healed me from the car crash like birth with our first.

Same here. The healing from a section is far easier than a vaginal birth (please don’t refer to it as a “natural” birth OP)

BackToGoingOnHoliday · 20/10/2022 15:57

If you’re really anxious go for the c section- because I reckon being anxious isn’t going to help make labour any smoother

If you want to try for a vaginal birth - give it a go - with a plan to divert to c section early.

sounds like you’ll be closely monitored either way.

Remember c section recovery is not always smooth - wound infection etc.

I’ve been induced twice - it wasn’t that bad - but was post dates

also once you’ve had this baby - it’s lovely - but all control of life goes anyway!

Tbh - sounds like planned section is going to be best for you

2bazookas · 20/10/2022 15:58

Only your consultant knows your present status, medical history and the in-utero history of your soon to be born baby (and reasons for the choices offered). Ask their advice, tell them your concerns, and discuss with them.

Don't rely on the experiences of strangers here; their experience was personal to them and they don't know your circumstances

When offered tricky medical options, I have found it useful to ask the DR "If you were me/ in my shoes/ I was your sister/wife... which option would you recommend? "

AlbertaAnnie · 20/10/2022 16:05

Try the induction - if nothing happens within a certain amount of time get a section

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