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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to leave my baby's side in hospital?

29 replies

Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 07:58

DD2 has been admitted as an inpatient following a high temperature.

My husband is working so can't visit during the day and other visitors don't usually come until mid-morning onwards.

Whilst it's just me and baby, I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone in the cot whilst I go to the toilet/brush teeth etc even if a nurse or HCA is watching her.

Yesterday I waited until 2pm for my brother to get here before I went to the loo.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 20/10/2022 07:59

I understand you feel anxious but please do use the toilet or at least get a drink.

Your baby will be fine for 5 minutes

QuiltedHippo · 20/10/2022 08:01

Of course you're worried and want to stay with her. How old is she?
When mine was tiny and in hospital the nurses would take her to the nurses station for a cuddle (student nurses were great at this) when I was showering. Would that help as she'd be a bit more supervised?

You do need to look after yourself too, hospital is overwhelming and exhausting and you can't poor from an empty cup.

ShippingNews · 20/10/2022 08:03

If a staff member is watching her, you can have a toilet break. Babies don't need two people watching them. She'll be fine.

BertieBotts · 20/10/2022 08:04

I understand waiting for a shower but please do go and use the loo, or even for a breath of air/look at your phone for a minute. Your baby will be OK. Your presence even if you were only there 12/24h would be hugely valuable to them, 3 minutes off down the hall won't be a problem.

You don't want to end up with a UTI and in a bed yourself!

Isthisexpected · 20/10/2022 08:04

Of course you're worried. There are currently two awful series in the press with the murder trial for the babies of that midwife too. Bad, neglectful people can choose any career. But far more likely, the good become burnt out and make mistakes too.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 20/10/2022 08:04

My brother worked in a children's hospital and when my son was admitted he sat my mom down and had a chat with her about one of the issues he comes across is parents running themselves into the ground and how they'll manage when the kids are discharged. (She arrived into the a&e with a picnic basket after that) and convinced us to take breaks, eat proper meals etc.
be aware that often when kids are discharged they might not be at 100% health- they just don't need medical intervention. So they mightn't come home ready for school or nursery. So you need to be able for that too.
we never left my son without someone in the hospital but we did leave him to shower and go to the toilet. (Also there were two of us)

BertieBotts · 20/10/2022 08:05

Isthisexpected · 20/10/2022 08:04

Of course you're worried. There are currently two awful series in the press with the murder trial for the babies of that midwife too. Bad, neglectful people can choose any career. But far more likely, the good become burnt out and make mistakes too.

How the hell is this helpful?? Presumably that's not what the OP was worried about Confused

LiveInSunshine · 20/10/2022 08:07

What’s the set up?
Our local hospital has long narrow corridors with individual rooms. Often a corner between the child and nurses station. The parents room is often round a corner and through two fire doors. I hate it because I’m literally leaving my child in a room alone there. I went elsewhere and it was a wars with curtains and I felt so much more comfortable.

Original poster
Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 08:07

QuiltedHippo · 20/10/2022 08:01

Of course you're worried and want to stay with her. How old is she?
When mine was tiny and in hospital the nurses would take her to the nurses station for a cuddle (student nurses were great at this) when I was showering. Would that help as she'd be a bit more supervised?

You do need to look after yourself too, hospital is overwhelming and exhausting and you can't poor from an empty cup.

She's 4 weeks and very high needs.

After the whole Lucy Letby nonsense my anxiety has gone through the roof.

OP posts:
Mommabear20 · 20/10/2022 08:08

When I had both my children, they fitted a security tag to their ankles which would alert staff if it was removed or if baby was taken off the ward, could you ask them if they have anything like that? Might give you a little peace of mind so you can go for a quick loo break or to get a drink.

Original poster
Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 08:09

LiveInSunshine · 20/10/2022 08:07

What’s the set up?
Our local hospital has long narrow corridors with individual rooms. Often a corner between the child and nurses station. The parents room is often round a corner and through two fire doors. I hate it because I’m literally leaving my child in a room alone there. I went elsewhere and it was a wars with curtains and I felt so much more comfortable.

I'm in like a huge bay with 4 cubicles. The toilets are around the corner. Even if I go to reception though I lose sight of my baby.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/10/2022 08:09

I completely understand how you feel. I had DD2 in covid times (just before the second lockdown) and I really panicked when I had to go to the toilet. She was on her in the cot and there was only one other mum and baby in the ward with me. I also had to go to the toilet to prove to the midwives they could discharge me. I went as fast as I could and came back to DD2 sleeping peacefully exactly where I’d left her.

I know it’s scary but your baby will be fine. 🙂

Original poster
Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 08:10

Mommabear20 · 20/10/2022 08:08

When I had both my children, they fitted a security tag to their ankles which would alert staff if it was removed or if baby was taken off the ward, could you ask them if they have anything like that? Might give you a little peace of mind so you can go for a quick loo break or to get a drink.

Oh this is actually a good idea.

I think I'll ask them.

OP posts:
LiveInSunshine · 20/10/2022 08:12

Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 08:09

I'm in like a huge bay with 4 cubicles. The toilets are around the corner. Even if I go to reception though I lose sight of my baby.

Show quote history

That’s pretty reassuring. Talk to people around, is there another parent you can share with? Watch mine, I’ll watch yours? Staff will be able to watch easily too.

NCAutumn · 20/10/2022 08:15

"There are currently two awful series in the press with the murder trial for the babies of that midwife too. Bad, neglectful people can choose any career. But far more likely, the good become burnt out and make mistakes too."

Jesus Christ, she's only going to the loo. Holding it until 2pm won't do anyone any good and neither will feeding anxiety

turkeyboots · 20/10/2022 08:17

DS has been in and out of hospital lots unfortunately. Talk to the other mums on the bay, we did sweet runs and covered loo trips for each other. It's the only positive to the very noisy bays.

Shinyhappyperson22 · 20/10/2022 08:21

Marmee53 · 20/10/2022 08:10

Oh this is actually a good idea.

I think I'll ask them.

Show quote history

I work in Paeds and we don’t have this it’s more a maternity thing. Shame though because it would reassure people.

Also please understand that nurses or healthcare staff that harm children/patients are rare, very very very very rare. It is important you go to the toilet you could make yourself ill. No one will mind watching your baby while you go to a toilet and they won’t be trying to harm her. We go into healthcare and put up with the rubbish we do because of wanting to help people. We have parents that leave their children as they haven’t the circumstances to stay all the time. They all get looked after( best a busy ward can)

My friend was like this on her child’s admission and she was Ill herself post discharge because she ran herself into the ground.

America12 · 20/10/2022 08:22

Isthisexpected · 20/10/2022 08:04

Of course you're worried. There are currently two awful series in the press with the murder trial for the babies of that midwife too. Bad, neglectful people can choose any career. But far more likely, the good become burnt out and make mistakes too.

That is so helpful and reassuring.

Henryhooveredoff · 20/10/2022 08:24

I can understand why you are anxious to leave your baby. But you do need to also make time for yourself.

I had two children in the Countess of Chester at the time that the Letby nurse worked there. Both spent time on neonatal. So I get the whole anxiety about what could have happened. But it didn't happen. About 75% of people I know had their DC at the same hospital without incident. Terrible things happen everyday. I work for an emergency service so I see first hand what happens everyday. If you worried about every what if, you would never leave the house.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 20/10/2022 08:27

I felt the same way. Some of babies that were left with the nurses, they were just left to cry.

I had to intervene at one point when a baby has been crying non stop for 15 mins and the nurse just continued to sit at her desk and look at her screen. I told her either she picked up the baby or I was going to.

I would ask another parent to keep an eye if I needed to pop to the loo and no way would I go for longer.

When my DH was there, I went for food and would pick up things for anyone else on the ward on their own who didn't want to leave their baby.

DWMoosmum · 20/10/2022 08:36

What did you do when your children were born? Did you not leave them for a couple of minutes to pee or anything? I can understand your anxiety if they're poorly but realistically you know they re in very good hands.

Wishiwasatsoftplay · 20/10/2022 09:07

Something we do in similar circumstances- if you have 2 devices you can set up a webcam style connection between them - even in dire straits a fb video call- take one with you to shower/toilet- leave the other pointing at baby.

YukoandHiro · 20/10/2022 09:11

My daughter was admitted at the same age. It is weird and hard but you do need to use the toilet/have a shower/eat food etc. Pop away when the nurse comes in to do obs. She's perfectly safe. She's in the best place to get her better.

Ithasteeth · 20/10/2022 09:14

I totally understand this but you need to go to the loo can u take baby with you? You need to be able to trust the nurses providing your care so asking one you know to watch them while you go is fine you are being over anxious which is understandable with all the stories you hear. I would take them with me to loo and have shower later when visitors arrive.

exhaustedandoverthis · 20/10/2022 09:45

I understand your anxiety and I would feel similarly in your situation. As your on a ward, could you just mention to one of the other mums that you're nipping to the loo and to keep an eye out. They will understand.

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