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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent DH sleeping in?

48 replies

saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:18

I'm a carer to a disabled child of 4 (who does go to school), and I've also got an 8 month old at home

The set up is - Me and H have one day each at the weekend for a 'proper' lay in.

But during the week, I get up with DC1, whatever time that may be - usually between 4.30am and 5am. The 8 month old doesn't get up until 7.30 so I won't include her in this! She's still asleep anyway

Yet H sleeps in until gone 7, every weekday morning. And some days he will announce 'I'm not going into the office today' and not have to drag himself out of bed until nearer to 8.30 or later. So I feel resentful, as I've often got up at 4.30 

AIBU to feel resentful?

OP posts:
Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:24

Bump as I'm tired and want to rant Grin

OP posts:
Dsisproblem · 20/10/2022 06:28

YANBU my DH does this too although mine aren't up quite so early Flowers

NoDairyNoProblem · 20/10/2022 06:29

Rant away! He could easily share some early starts, especially on days he’s not driving to work.

bullfinch84 · 20/10/2022 06:30

Wake him up!

Pollywoddles · 20/10/2022 06:30

YANBU I’d be tempted to have a little re-jig if I were you. He moves his wake time to 6am on week days so you can go back to bed for an hour before he has to get ready for work. There would definitely be no lie-ins until 8:30 on weekdays!

girlmom21 · 20/10/2022 06:30

YANBU. This pisses me right off!

Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:31

The catch here is I'm the one driving him in as we've had to get rid of our second car (mine is new), it wasn't worth fixing for the costs etc

So now I'm driving him in. I need to car so can't let him drive it in

OP posts:
Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:32

^sorry know I should have included that in the op Blush

OP posts:
buckingmad · 20/10/2022 06:32

My DH is the same. I have a horse so I never get a lie in as if I don’t go sort her early on the weekend DH moans that I’m ruining the weekend (weird how his football match in the afternoon doesn’t do the same though). I’ve just had a horrid virus yet still been up with baby during the night who also has it. Whilst he sleeps soundly in the spare room.

Im feeling very resentful of my DH at the moment too so you are not alone x

Pollywoddles · 20/10/2022 06:34

saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:31

The catch here is I'm the one driving him in as we've had to get rid of our second car (mine is new), it wasn't worth fixing for the costs etc

So now I'm driving him in. I need to car so can't let him drive it in

I still don’t see how this doesn’t mean he can’t share mornings. You could still get some extra rest during the week.

@buckingmad Your DH sounds horrible

kavalkada · 20/10/2022 06:36

He should wake up two week days and give you a rest. No question asked, he is a bastard for not doing it. If you love somebody, you do not watch him struggle every day, you help him.
I'm sorry OP, I hope things get better,

spidersenses · 20/10/2022 06:37

Have you raised this with him and had a discussion? Does he know this is how you feel?

Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:38

spidersenses · 20/10/2022 06:37

Have you raised this with him and had a discussion? Does he know this is how you feel?

Yes. He just repeats the same 'you get to have a sleep when DD does during the day, I don't'

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 20/10/2022 06:42

But he’s getting at least 2 hours extra a day at the very least, sometimes 2.5 and sometimes a whopping 4 hours if you’ve been up since 4:30 and he doesn’t go into the office. No way are you making that back in daytime naps.

HungryandIknowit · 20/10/2022 06:43

YANBU he should get up during the week. In fact, imo the fair thing to do would be to put him in charge of both baby and older child overnight (as you are having to do) a couple of days during the week. That may be a bit of a push though; at least get him to do the early mornings.

HungryandIknowit · 20/10/2022 06:45

Also re the above conversation about you getting daytime naps, interrupted sleep is not the same as sleeping in one chunk (quality and quantity are both relevant).

Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:48

HungryandIknowit · 20/10/2022 06:45

Also re the above conversation about you getting daytime naps, interrupted sleep is not the same as sleeping in one chunk (quality and quantity are both relevant).

His argument will be that I'd be taking advantage of my daughter sleeping in the day and do that too

OP posts:
shreddednips · 20/10/2022 06:52

No he should be doing half of the wake-ups. I can't believe that he thinks he shouldn't have to do 2/3 4am wake ups during the week, unless he has some spectacularly compelling reason for having to have a full night (as in, a full day performing neurosurgery or something.) I'm guessing that's not the case if he sometimes decides not to go in.

Broken sleep isn't the same as a full uninterrupted night. So saying you can sleep in the day isn't the same at all.

shreddednips · 20/10/2022 06:56

Taking advantage is a bizarre thing for him to say, as if he has to hog all the sleep to ensure that you don't 'take advantage' and sneak some extra. This shouldn't be how a supportive relationship works- he should be working with you as a team to ensure both of you get enough sleep to keep going. That might mean him getting a bit less sleep than he would ideally like.

Dotcheck · 20/10/2022 06:59

buckingmad · 20/10/2022 06:32

My DH is the same. I have a horse so I never get a lie in as if I don’t go sort her early on the weekend DH moans that I’m ruining the weekend (weird how his football match in the afternoon doesn’t do the same though). I’ve just had a horrid virus yet still been up with baby during the night who also has it. Whilst he sleeps soundly in the spare room.

Im feeling very resentful of my DH at the moment too so you are not alone x

But you chose to have a horse?

HungryandIknowit · 20/10/2022 07:01

saffa9 · 20/10/2022 06:48

His argument will be that I'd be taking advantage of my daughter sleeping in the day and do that too

Show quote history

Yes but even if you do that your sleep will be of lower quality throughout the rest of the week. Also, you can't just magically make yourself sleep when the baby sleeps each time - you may not be tired, you may have something else to do. He seems to be showing a lack of concern for your wellbeing - perhaps show him this thread

buckingmad · 20/10/2022 07:02

Dotcheck · 20/10/2022 06:59

But you chose to have a horse?

Show quote history

…your point? I have to take my baby with me to the stables cause DH wants a lie in. I probs didn’t make that clear.

Original poster
saffa9 · 20/10/2022 07:05

Thank you so much

I wasn't going to go into this much detail but I will since you've all been so lovely to me

I have recently been suffering with psychosis - due to bereavement trauma possibly. Not sure of the trigger. Psychiatrist has prescribed Risperidone and it's so tiring Sad it feels physically tiring. It's a difficult drug to take. The results are great but my God the tiredness

I suppose that's why I'm after a bit of sleep extra. H doesn't seem interested in looking it up

He's taken Sertraline in the past for anxiety and I think he's suspicious as to how it's worked so quickly for me to be so tired? As Sertraline takes weeks to take effect. Thing is Risperidone is an anti psychotic - they start working pretty much straight away in some form, and it's known as the 'zombie' drug

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 20/10/2022 07:09

In that case I'm concerned for you that your husband is never going to pull his weight despite you telling him to. To be clear, though (for you), YANBU and he absolutely should.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/10/2022 07:12

The last thing you need with psychosis is lack of sleep.Actually lack of sleep may be a contributing factor. Your dh is being irresponsible towards your children as good sleep will help with your psychosis and ensure you are well enough to take care of your little ones.
Could you agree that you get a lie in both days at the weekend for as long as you need to catch up on missed sleep. It's not sustainable for you health wise to be getting up at 4.30 am each day.
Can you go to bed extra early and leave him on duty?

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