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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-Laws visit when showing Covid symptoms

44 replies

Valery37 · 19/10/2022 21:27

In-Laws informed us they'd visit and stay at ours for 8 days... we had not specifically invited them.

on their arrival day, father in law showing Covid symptoms but he dismissed these as catching a cold from the aircon during the 6 hour car journey.

I encourage him to test but he insisted that it was not Covid. Same on day 2... then on day 3, he received a text from a friend who tested positive. Finally, he decides to test and surprise: he is positive.

They decide to leave our house following day but in the meantime continues to use the shared spaces as if nothing had happened, has dinner at the table with us, watches tv in living room etc etc (except wearing the face mask with his nose and mouth uncovered!!...).

I find his approach totally selfish and I'm quite upset by his attitude....not caring about my health or my husband / children's health...

AIBU we need to get used to living with Covid...

AINBU we should not visit people's houses if we are ill...

OP posts:
Changingplace · 19/10/2022 21:29

Couldn’t get worked up about it really, no different that going somewhere with a bit of a cold these days, I have no energy to be so invested in Covid anymore.

BCBird · 19/10/2022 21:31

I would be apoplectic with rage at the selfish attitude. My friends and I always test before we meet as we don't want to pass anything on to each other. Shame on him.

Oysterbabe · 19/10/2022 21:34

I wouldn't give a shit. But I also wouldn't have made him test so would have no idea.

Mindymomo · 19/10/2022 21:37

Similar happened where my Son works. They had a visitor who was coughing and sneezing, obviously unwell, said it wasn’t covid as he tested negative that morning. 2 of Sons colleagues had a meeting with visitor, my Son stayed away. The next day visitor texted to say he tested positive. Fortunately this time nobody caught it from him. It cannot be helped if someone has covid with no symptoms, but when they clearly have symptoms they should be careful who they mix with.

UhhhhhhhOK · 19/10/2022 21:39

Regardless of covid, if you feel ill or have a bad cold these days, it's just common courtesy not to invite yourself to someone's house to spread it.
YANBU

Tinkerbellflowers · 19/10/2022 21:39

YANBU - We shouldnt visit other people's houses with covid or even "just a cold".

sandytooth · 19/10/2022 21:43

In-Laws informed us they'd visit and stay at ours for 8 days... we had not specifically invited them.

Why at that point did your DH not stop them?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/10/2022 21:45

Oysterbabe · 19/10/2022 21:34

I wouldn't give a shit. But I also wouldn't have made him test so would have no idea.

This for me too.

PinkiOcelot · 19/10/2022 21:46

Couldn’t have cared less about it. I wouldn’t have made him test either.

To the PP who said they’d be apoplectic with rage. Wow!

FrazzledHippy · 19/10/2022 21:46

YANBU

This attitude recently caused a covid outbreak at the care home I work in. A visitor showed an old lateral flow at the door. We ended up with 27 residents down with covid, a whole floor isolated and it's still working its way through staff.

Totally irresponsible and infuriating

MarmiteCoriander · 19/10/2022 21:49

YANBU- I too would never visit anyone with a sore throat or cold, let alone covid symptoms. Yes, some see this as the norm now, but who would willing invite themselves for over a week and live in someone elses home when ill???

What does your partner think? Surely they had someone to say by them inviting themselves, and once they had covid.

Why did you or partner not say- no PIL- please eat in your room, only use that bathroom, please stay in your room etc etc ???

Leakingroofagain · 19/10/2022 21:52

Fine if you're vulnerable and not vaccinated but otherwise you are hugely overreacting.

daisy46 · 19/10/2022 21:55

YABU I wouldn't have hassled him to test either. Coming to visit uninvited for 8 days seems like a bigger problem.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/10/2022 21:56

I'd be mad. When I had covid I was ill for a week and then had awful post viral fatigue for a couple of weeks, I was working reduced hours and my husband had to do literally everything at home. Life was a real struggle for the best part of a month. For me, and a lot (not just a small minority of people), it is NOT just a cold. For the people I know that have had it, more than half have had to take time off work. I would go to someones house with a cold because it's not so contagious if you practice good hygiene and the vast majority of people can just carry on as normal with a cold. But going to someones house when you've got covid and giving them a 50 50 chance of being off work for the next week is selfish to me, especially for an unnecessary visit

luckylavender · 19/10/2022 21:57

I would be furious too. But then I used to be furious when people passed on their stinking colds long before COVID. I don't get sick that often. I don't need your germs.

GrumpyMummy123 · 19/10/2022 21:57

They are being unreasonable. But you are being unreasonable for not challenging it.

If we slip back into it being acceptable to be around others when we think we could be contagious with anything - a cold, COVID, upset stomach etc then it's a step back. But it'll only be socially unacceptable if challenged. You need to say - oh no you're positive, so have you got everything you need while you aren't leaving your room and I'll bring your tray of food to your bedroom door. Anything else I can do for you while you isolate? No it's not a legally enforceable thing. But if you just sit by and watch it happen nothing will change.

VerifiedBot2351 · 19/10/2022 21:59

I’d be annoyed at anyone coming to visit with an illness, even just a cold. Covid symptoms is worse though, because if I got it I would have to take five days off work, as per council policy.

Daisymae55 · 19/10/2022 22:01

After 2.5 years of being very cautious about covid I was finally at the “we need to treat it like colds and flu” stage. I’m currently positive and my husband is in hospital with our baby who has a raging fever and various other issues (111 have sent her there)

so I’m very much team “stay away from others if you’re ill” again.

YANBU

50plusandfabulous · 19/10/2022 22:02

@FrazzledHippy what an idiot, could have wiped out half the home.

FoxtrotOscarDear · 19/10/2022 22:02

YANBU.

Utterly selfish to visit people when ill to spread it around, no matter what the illness is. But as I know someone who has just buried their parent (fully vaccinated, not vulnerable), who died 3 days after being admitted to hospital with breathing difficulties due to Covid, I wouldn’t have even let him in without testing.

Changingplace · 19/10/2022 22:04

BCBird · 19/10/2022 21:31

I would be apoplectic with rage at the selfish attitude. My friends and I always test before we meet as we don't want to pass anything on to each other. Shame on him.

Really? People still have stacks of tests knocking about to do this?

Any medical reason you’re still feeling the need to do this?

foxlover47 · 19/10/2022 22:04

I've just had it
For I think the first time judging by how it's floored me ... it's the tiredness now and the leg cramps and lower back pins .. the cold bit was the easiest.
I wouldn't ever go with a bad cold regardless of it being covid because I wouldn't want to give others it , it's just being polite but also like others have said it could be so bad for someone clinically vulnerable to it

Looneytune253 · 19/10/2022 22:06

Yabu it's one of those things we just have to get on with. Pre covid we wouldn't have thought twice about going anywhere with mild symptoms and now we're all predominantly vaccinated the chances of serious illness are so low now. My dh had it last week and no one else got it in our house or any of the children that attend my childminding. But to be fair we may not have ever known as symptoms might be minimal or none

PineCone74 · 19/10/2022 22:06

I presume people on here who ‘can’t get worked up’ over Covid, or who ‘couldn’t give a shit’ have not known vulnerable people who have been severely unwell, or even died from Covid, or know anyone who is still struggling with Long Covid years after infection.

bellac11 · 19/10/2022 22:10

Viruses have always caused long term symptoms in some people, Im one of them

But I wouldnt be bothered about this, and yes I will go about my business with a cold or sore throat