Holy crap this is long sorry.
New ish job at a charity, giving frontline advice to extremely ill clients, I'm in my 40s, career change to do something worthwhile.
Training has been v unstructured, I have been flexible and cheerful, as I wanted to do this.
but...
I have been really struggling to learn the ropes and one of my managers (I have 2, one male 1 female) does not hold back telling me, making public comments about my standard of work and last week sent a v snide odd email. I fwdd it to my other (female) manager who i get on well with as i am on probation and the email made it look like i wasnt going to get through. She said email was v wrong in tone and escalated it, of course im gonna get through probationary period etc, but she's moving sideways to another dept, like byeeee.. I de-escalated it of course.
Today was my 1st ever 1-1 with male manager and he kept me waiting 20 mins, said it was a 360 performance review, and he was awaiting stats on how well I'd been doing in terms of case numbers. Mentioned my probationary period, how i might not make it through, how concerned he was and why was I not picking up stuff quicker etc, while another new recruit (under other manager, works more hours, much younger) is doing great.
I came up with a few solutions (e.g agreeing specific time specific targets, agreeing on expectations, identifyihg areas i need training in as id been asked to do) but also asked whether I could contribute to the agenda of the 1-1, and that my understanding of a 1-1 was as an opportunity to get to know each other better, break down barriers and focus on..wel...me.
He huffed and said 'well I jist asked you what your issues are"
I then said the way he gave feedback was at times problematic for me, e.g being told how disappointed he was in my progress in week 3 after I had interviewed so well, i said how I didn't like comparisons to other employee etc. He flat denied he'd said that and we just stared at each other in disbelief.
Then he welled up. He said he was going to call the meeting to a close.
I managed to bring it back by praising his work amd knowledge and dedication (all true). The rest went OK.he went on to compare me to other employee. I joked that I was a cow sometimes, I guess it was the shock that made me say it, and he said hahaha not all the time.
So we left it that he's not going to change an inch and I have to suck it up but we can at least be civil.
2 aibus: aibu to feel guilty I nearly made him cry, I really want to not be a cow,
and /or
Aibu to think this is shit and I should leave? Will I be employable? I was only in my last post for a year as charity funding ran out, before that 6 years in a more corproate post.