to not let Dd have pocket money

[nodoughnuts]

She’s 12 and spends it all on sweets and junk food. I think she’s overweight she have an appointment with GP if she bothers to go
I started limiting but she takes her older sisters if she gives in. She does no exercise at all and she says that ‘I can’t make her’. All she does is watches Tv and eats haribo whilst moaning about why she cant have an amazon account

aibu?

Yanbu to try and reduce the amount of sugar that she eats.

Doesn't she do any clubs afterschool? Can you find something she might enjoy?
When you say no exercise, does she ride a bike? Walk to school? Go out and about with her friends?

If she's only 12 I'd be ensuring she goes to set doctors appointments and limiting her screen time.

At 12, surely it's not upto her whether she goes to do the doctors?

What exercise does she do?
What's her diet like otherwise?
Is she happy?

@Oysterbabe well this year she started Art and cooking club 🤦🏽‍♀️. she doesnt have a bike, and she takes the bus to school. We have half term next week so I am hoping I can find her a hobby. Doesnt really go about with friends out of school.

@SirenSays Actually she doesn’t have much screen time, her phone is really limited and tv thats maximum an hour

@thelobsterquadrille
She can get really physical and shouty sometimes I get tired trying to get her to go. Her only exercise is probably PE and games at school and walking about the house trying to get something to eat. Her diet is reasonably healthy, but she asks for bigger portions and has a lot of snack inbetween meals.

Her sister is complete opposite and wants to do more sport!!

It might be tough but you can't expect a 12yo to take responsibility for their own health. She needs to go to the doctors - it's non-negotiable.

Otherwise I would be looking at ways to increase her exercise and reduce her portion sizes before stopping her pocket money.

Rather than pocket money could you contribute towards something she wants to buy (a larger item, a day out, clothes etc)?
At her age she doesn't get to choose whether or not she goes to the doctor's. TV can be switched off (and batteries removed from the remote), phone removed and you can choose her food intake and how she spends her half term. As for being 'shouty and physical' - that needs to stop. Consequences.

I just had a chat with her, took her phone away. We have agreed to go on a run each morning and she can play some sports with her sister.
Also now I am thinking of switching to packed lunches.

I would come up with a plan that rewards rather than takes away.
How is taking her phone away going to help?

She can do stuff, sports or exercise rather than look at it

Anyone have any good ideas of fitness stuff or any sports that dont have much running?

Do you have a Wii?

Why don't you do some financial planning with her, help her decide on a goal of something expensive she wants to buy herself and then work out how much she can save of her pocket money until she reaches her target so it's going on something decent rather than junk food. If you think at 12 she needs to be more active and eat better then I think that's something you do as a family, get out together at the weekends or in the evening to do a walk or something physical but fun (no need for it to be a run could be a forest walk one week, swimmers next week, a lesson in paddleboarding etc etc as long as its active) and then preparing filling nutritious meals that she can have seconds of to fill her up. I'd also have an endless supply of fruit and veg/ yoghurts/ cheese etc that she can have as much as she wants of and then limit the other sugary or fatty snacks she has access to at home without taking them away completely because then you are leaving her no choice but to go to the shop and get what she wants. I'd have a chat about how there are no good/bad foods but different foods do different things for our bodies and talk about what each body needs. If she's 12 she's probably having a growth spurt and is more likely to be hungrier but if you think it's to an abnormal amount then she does need to go to gp. I think it comes down to boundaries in the house as well, if she's disrespectful to you then there needs to be a consequence she's aware of before the behaviour that's then enforced after the behaviour along with an explanation of why the behaviour was not acceptable. That really comes down to you and anyone else in your house being really consistent.

She can't eat Haribo and slob in front of a screen if you don't allow her to.
She is 12!
Start doing family activities and cook and shop for more healthier lifestyle .

Do your DCs eat much snacks

That sounds hard but at 12 you’re still in control of a lot of things.

Definitely limit her access to pocket money. You don’t have to stop it entirely, just save it for her to spend on something more suitable when she’s with you.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘if she bothers to go’ to the doctors. Can you not take her?

Instead of asking her to play sport etc. tell her you are going on a family walk/swimming/ice skating… whatever gets her moving. She might complain but if you make it fun she’ll eventually come around.

Limit the unhealthy snacks available at home and offer healthy food instead. Talk about healthy choices without making it a huge deal.

Good luck!

You sound very critical of her. If that's an accurate representation of how you interact with her, it's probably quite hurtful for her.

You definitely need to get her to the GP and check that that a medical professional agrees that she's overweight, first of all. If you and her sister are slim, you may have a disordered view of what a healthy weight is. It's not at all uncommon for girls about to go through puberty to eat a lot (I ate the same amount as my dad at that age) and she is going to start to develop hips, breast, etc, which means she will naturally carry a higher proportion of body fat than as a pre-pubescent child.

But if you are right and she is overweight, you need to handle things sensibly and sensitively. Getting advice or support from a GP or nutritionist could help. If she is binge eating sweets, why? Is she unhappy? Does she not have enough other things in her life that being her joy? You need to deal with the emotional side of it first and foremost.

Swimming
Horse-riding
Zumba
Street dance
Badminton
Tennis
Squash

When my were 12 they had an endless supply of fruit and high protein snacks.
Sweet treats were literally a treat.

At 12 years old you are in control of her still, she shouldn’t be eating too much junk food or sweets, does she buy this on the way to school or does she have it because it’s in the house? I would say maybe try going on walks with her and yes at 12 years old you can make her do exercise

I think maybe a gift card or buying her items of clothing, toys etc maybe better than handing her money?

I know I would spend all my money on sweets on route to school behind my parents back at secondary school age

See if you can do a reward type system, chores etc or good behaviour, even if she does 30 mins of walking with you or something, maybe that can be a £1 or so on towards the item she wants

Swimming, dance, badminton, even table tennis.

Why have you taken her phone away?

Look at ways you can reward her instead of punishing her.

can she swim? does she like it? new cozzy as a reward for going ten times

My DS lost a lot of weight (he’s a young adult) playing this game ‘Ring fit adventure’ on the Wii.

I wouldn't stop her pocket money straight away but I would give it to her on the condition that she doesn't spend it on confectionery and explain if she chose to then defy me I would make it clear that there'd be none next time.