IDK How to deal with Narcissistic Mother

[cassiatwenty]

Hello all,

I'm having a bit of trouble with my mum. I've just been through a difficult life change and I needed some support.

But my mum keeps making my depression worse. Yes, she helps me a bit and then has moments of screaming at me, and telling me that I will no longer be in her will, talking (badly) of my friends (she Google searched without my permission).

I need family but I really don't need and like someone constantly interfering in my life, helping me, and then emotionally blackmailing me. Every time I make a mistake and spill something, there's a scene and then she calls her friends via her mobile to tell them what a horrid person I am.

She also keeps mentioning my biological father whom I haven't even seen for 20 years.

Sorry, I'm not writing this to complain, I just need some sage advice because this is so bizarre that I don't know how to deal with it. I just don't want her in my life, AIBU?

What would you do? I want to be a normal person and live my life again, and not be someone's prisoner (and their past)

Could you please advise me? x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some wonderful support from your fellow Mumsnetters - support from other Mumsnetters is great but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best
MNHQ💐

Hello @PipMumsnet

Thanks so much for your message, I am delighted to get a message from MNHQ, I wish I could see what it's like there behind the scenes. ILU ❤ You make my day.

Thanks so much for your kind advice, and yes, of course, it's good to take advice with a bit of caution. Other people are people too, but sometimes it's better to get some feedback than nothing.

I will seek help IRL, and I'm glad MN sent this message to me.

Good advice

'We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.'

Thank you for being there for us and me

I had a sister like that I didn't notice for so long how much she has been manipulating me and depressing me. I only noticed once I spoke to psycotherapist for 9 months and go through what she does, then she said she might be 'Narcisist' but this word way more serious than what it is. There is nothing you can do fix her, you just need to run away. However, people like us very good atracking narcists so make sure you don't allow another one to step into your life.

I am going through a siniliar situation with my mum. I have just been looking through the A-Z of munsnet talk boards to try to find one specific to mother problems. I assumed that there would be one as so many of us mothers did not have very good ones ourselves. But unless i am mistaken, there is not a specific board! Very surprised.

How could we start one?

--

I was searching for such a board as I also need support for dealing with a mentally unwell narcissistic mother. I now have three kids under 5 so I am totally unable to give her the attention she requires, yet still she manages to zap me after a phone call (which I make out of guilt). I go through periods of no-contact and then break it, out of guilt (she has totally isolated herself from society, and has no one else but me).

I feel I am on the cusp of complete no contact, but just battling guilt/others perception of my choice.

All these supportive posts on here have been great. Now let me try and find us our own board...

@BlessedKali @cassiatwenty Look for the long running "Stately Homes" thread. It's exactly about having narc parents and how to deal with them. Lots of support there..

@20questions Thank you for helping us, I just checked in, and @BlessedKali type Stately Homes while searching threads 💞

I went no contact, feel so much better now

Another one here with a similar mother. Been NC for for 6.5 yrs now after 1.5yrs of LC. It was tough at first seeing friends’ relationships with their mums and knowing we’ll never have that but now it’s just a relief knowing I never have to put up with her bullshit again.

I recommend reading the book Toxic Parents by Susan Foreward and this website
www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/
I found I could relate to both the book and website and it helped me to get my head around our relationship.