I’ve done something stupid

[Bepeaceful]

Long long backstory but a couple of basic points.

1 I don’t speak to my dad and haven’t done since 1996. Since then around 2000 my uncle and another man spoke out that my dad abused them when they were young. Reported to police but didn’t take it any further and retracted statements as so embarrassed/ashamed about admitting it happened to them and the stress it caused. It has ruined both mens lives.

1. I’m divorced and after divorce my exh

introduced my 2 kids who were ds 9 and dd11 at the time to my dad. Just to get to me as he had always hated my dad and badmouthed him whenever he could even stating to the police my dad was a Paedophile whenever I called the police on him for Dv to try to discredit me.

anyway fast forward to today. I am picking my son up from my exh house son is 16. My dad has a friend who lives next door to my exh.
my dad pulls up right in front of my car bumper to bumper and waves at my son (he gives my son birthday cards with money in through my ex door at birthday and Xmas but not my daughter). I give my dad the middle finger and mouthed paedo to him 3 times before driving off. My son knows the full story btw. I had to tell kids because of what their dad did introducing them to him.

I am now a nervous wreck in case my dad has dash cam and reports me to police. I’ve also set my son a bad example of how to react I feel sick. I’ve not come face to face with my dad like that since 1996. Scared in case police come to my door and arrest me.

I don’t think police can arrest someone for calling someone a pedo and giving them the finger?! What offence would it be??

Breach of peace? Threatening and intimidating behaviour? I’m at home shaking and feeling like an idiot and no better than him.
my sensible side says he’s hardly going to tell the police I accused him of being a paedophile. But with this man you never know.

You could have been mouthing absolutely anything. I highly doubt that he will report anything to the police. Even if he did, they don’t have time to deal with someone saying something to someone in the street.

Your toxic exh is an absolute d*ck btw (like you don’t already know) and sounds like he’d be a good friend for your dad 🤦🏻‍♀️

I haven’t had contact with my
narc “dad” since 2004. It’s been life altering for sure.

Even if he does report it, nobody will arrest you. The most that will happen os that they knock on your door for a talk. I dont think they would even bother with that tbh.

You are overreacting. Even if he has a dashcam I don't think he would call the police.

I think you've just had a shock seeing him again.

Your ex is fucking idiot, he would put his kids at risk just to get at you?

I would be seeking legal advice as to whether there is any way you can keep them away from your dad.

“I’m at home shaking and feeling like an idiot and no better than him.”

Read this back again.

He’s an accused pedophile.

You called someone a name and made a rude gesture.

Do you really think that making a rude gesture and calling someone something in the street is the same as molesting young children?

They won’t arrest you for giving him the finger and mouthing that he’s a paedo. Especially as he is one.

The only offence I can think of would be a fine only public order offence that only applies if you could have offended/ frightened passers by with your actions, which it doesn’t sound like you did, and that tends not to be used unless police witness what happens (just anecdotally, not that they can’t).

If people got arrested for giving people the finger and mouthing insults/ rude words, almost everyone would have a criminal record.

I doubt your father had a dash cam, very unlikely, by the way it's against eh GDPR (UK equivalent privacy laws) to film someone without their consent, so dash cam footage is often unusable against identifiable people, its often poor quality also.

Even if anything was to happen, say you were singing along to a song, and didn't even notice who the person driving by was.

@SissySpacekAteMyHamster kids are 18 and 16 and in the know about everything. My son lifted his hand and waved back even though he doesn’t see him or know him. He’s got good manners and didn’t want to be rude.
they know it all and what my dad done to my mum major Dv and the whole abuse thing. They won’t volunteer to see him but have had what I think are arranged run ins etc at local shopping centre:restaurants over the years. they know he is bad.

You aren’t going to get in trouble for swearing per se (although could have the potential of slander if you continue) but you do need to learn to control yourself, particularly around your children.

No one's going to arrest you

I thought this post was going to be focusing on worrying about the fact your son is crossing paths with a paedophile not wether the police will find your name calling and finger waving a crime.

I would focus my energy on that!

@BabyofMine no obviously I dont I mean that, I’m meaning being aggressive and horrible to someone like letting myself down and being confrontational. I’m a better person than that I shouldn’t have reacted.

Glad to hear they are older.

Do they have phones? I would ensure that they call the police every time they see him. Also if your ex insists on this crap. He is endangering your boys. Wanker.

Immature but not an arrestable offence. Don't worry about it. Just blank him next time (if there is a next time).

@Whatatimetobealivetoday i told my ex that if he ever let my kids see him again he wouldn’t see them. He’d have to go through the civil courts and explain his actions. After I said that they never seen him in person again however I’m pretty sure my ex tells my dad everything he knows that goes on in the kids lives.

You’re being far, far too hard on yourself. You weren’t expecting it and you had an automatic reaction to feeling revolted seeing him. Please be kinder to yourself. Acting impulsively is human nature. Now you know you didn’t like the way you reacted it’s unlikely you’ll act like that ever again. Police are not going to arrest you so put that thought out of your head too.

I honestly wouldn’t be worried about your Dad going to the police, they won’t have time to deal with something & low-level as this. You called him a name & shouted in the street. No one will be bothered.

I did something a few years ago & I felt extremely worried for days. I saw a guy absolutely leathering a dog outside a shop & I just got intense rage. I got out of my car & shouted & shouted how disgusting he was & various other things & he said he’d filmed it & was going straight to the police for threatening him! I was petrified as I’m usually completely patient & had never lost my temper! Nothing ever came of it but I worried so much!

please, please do t worry - nothing will come of this even if he did go to the police, which I’m sure he just won’t.

You stuck a finger up and mouthed something. You didn’t even raise your voice. Relax.

You have nothing to worry about I sincerely doubt your dad would go to the police over this.

Relax and forget about it, if it happens again ignore him

Oh, please don't worry about law enforcement. If they had to speak to every person who said something to someone else they wouldnt have time for anything else.

Please think about this logically: why would a paedophile report to the police that you had called him a paedophile?

Do everything possible to keep your children away from anyone you have banned from your own life like that. Protect your babies, aged 16, 18, when they're 40 x

Please think about this logically: why would a paedophile report to the police that you had called him a paedophile?

Do everything possible to keep your children away from anyone you have banned from your own life like that. Protect your babies, aged 16, 18, when they're 40 x

They were antagonising you just with his presence.
The only thing that you need to worry about is him having any intact with your children, however small.