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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it so annoying when Mumsnetters decide to solve all your problems …

53 replies

MrsCHeeler · 17/10/2022 18:39

Even the ones you haven’t asked about.

You ask about recipe advice for fussy children and get told your parenting is wrong as your children are fussy.

You are struggling coordinating pickups and get told a non existent granny should do it or you should give up work. Often with a really annoying ‘job done’ at the end of the post.

Is it just me??

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 17/10/2022 18:42

I've never seen a psot ending in jod done. That would be annoying. But I see nothing wrong with people engaging in a conversation around a detail you provided in your post

malmi · 17/10/2022 18:42

Interesting that something like that would annoy you so much. Maybe you've not been sleeping properly? Try blackout blinds, they can make a huge difference. Job done!!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/10/2022 18:43

You are struggling coordinating pickups and get told a non existent granny should do it

It’s “the car” and “the garden” that gets me. So much MN advice assumes the OP will have access to their own transport and outside space.

IncompleteSenten · 17/10/2022 18:44

I've not seen a "job done" I don't think.
But yes, answering a question not asked is a popular sport.

Second only to making the op wrong regardless the facts.

Original poster
MrsCHeeler · 17/10/2022 18:44

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/10/2022 18:43

You are struggling coordinating pickups and get told a non existent granny should do it

It’s “the car” and “the garden” that gets me. So much MN advice assumes the OP will have access to their own transport and outside space.

Ughhhhh yes.

OP posts:
HyggeTygge · 17/10/2022 18:45

Absolutely. I've come to the conclusion it's largely protection and the inability to take the op at face value.

I've seen ones like "can you recommend a hotel near Oxford so I can attend my SIL's wedding" "well you clearly don't like your SIL op so why don't you just go NC?" Grin

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:47

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/10/2022 18:43

You are struggling coordinating pickups and get told a non existent granny should do it

It’s “the car” and “the garden” that gets me. So much MN advice assumes the OP will have access to their own transport and outside space.

Car
Garden
Garage
Microwave
Separate toilet

So many ignorant assumptions from people who appear to pride themselves on intelligence.

AnApparitionQuipped · 17/10/2022 18:47

I don't agree. Sometimes you can have tunnel vision about a problem and a fresh perspective might throw up solutions you haven't considered.

It's easy enough to say in your OP (using your example) 'there are no relatives who can help with the pick up' to forestall this suggestion, although admittedly there'll likely be some who don't read the OP properly and suggest Granny helps out anyway!

But aside from those who don't RTFT I don't mind advice that addresses the problem from a completely different angle. You can always disregard it.

Thinkbiglittleone · 17/10/2022 18:57

malmi · 17/10/2022 18:42

Interesting that something like that would annoy you so much. Maybe you've not been sleeping properly? Try blackout blinds, they can make a huge difference. Job done!!

SmileSmile

Thatiswild · 17/10/2022 19:00

@malmi 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that made me laugh out loud.

I agree OP and to pp who said mention in your op what you don’t have access to, it appears to make no difference to the vast majority of this type of ‘advisor’ as they’ve never read it properly unfortunately - and I’ve seen plenty of job dones!,

IglesiasPiggl · 17/10/2022 19:02

I agree to certain extent, especially when info is given in the OP to the contrary (eg I don't have a car, we live in a fifth floor flat). But MN is not a tailored advice service whereby every response is perfectly honed to be exactly what you want. That's the downside of asking strangers on the Internet as opposed to a small group of like - minded friends.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/10/2022 19:04

It’s the one who think that everyone leads identical lives to them and assumes a poster has 14 people ready and willing to collect their toddler from nursery 5 days a week. Or that they drive, or live in a nice area, or have loads of good Ofsted Rates Excellent schools and stones throw away from their doorstep

And when you explain that’s not the case they use words like ‘puzzled’ and ‘baffled’

asdasult · 17/10/2022 19:05

I just wish people would read what I post.

Eleusa · 17/10/2022 19:05

I think some people find it hard not to project their own experience. I suspect we all project a bit. Anything about jobs where someone says "why not increase your hours?" or "why not decrease your hours?" as if all jobs can just be done for as long as you like.

The posts I find baffling are the ones that say things like "Well, I wouldn't have had children with a man like that" or similar. Very helpful!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/10/2022 19:10

I made a thread back in August about not attending my brother’s child-free wedding after my childcare fell through. Wedding was in Scottish Highlands and 350 miles away. I couldn’t drive. My AIBU was about the insane reaction from my family. I was solid on “I’m not going on my own” from the beginning. But the fonts of all MN knowledge decided I should charter a private jet, e-scooter my way, hitchhike and roly poly in order to get there. Well not quite - but many suggested I piss up hundreds that I didn’t have on getting planes and trains there. Very annoying!!

Sicilywanderer · 17/10/2022 19:19

The funniest are op posts oh does anyone know what this mole looks like on my chin. Everyone... LTB.

Sicilywanderer · 17/10/2022 19:20

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet that was an epic thread though and you updated! Amazing

Billyjean1 · 17/10/2022 19:22

malmi · 17/10/2022 18:42

Interesting that something like that would annoy you so much. Maybe you've not been sleeping properly? Try blackout blinds, they can make a huge difference. Job done!!

Such a sarcastic post grow up!

Beedance · 17/10/2022 19:23

You don’t have a MN problem, you have a MIL problem. HTH. 🤓

Billyjean1 · 17/10/2022 19:25

MrsCHeeler · 17/10/2022 18:39

Even the ones you haven’t asked about.

You ask about recipe advice for fussy children and get told your parenting is wrong as your children are fussy.

You are struggling coordinating pickups and get told a non existent granny should do it or you should give up work. Often with a really annoying ‘job done’ at the end of the post.

Is it just me??

Totally agree with you. People tend to derail a thread by asking questions that do not help the Op issue. Like “why are you having a baby with such an arse” not at all helpful when a OP is already in crisis.

Sux2buthen · 17/10/2022 19:26

malmi · 17/10/2022 18:42

Interesting that something like that would annoy you so much. Maybe you've not been sleeping properly? Try blackout blinds, they can make a huge difference. Job done!!

Brilliant Grin

WatchoRulo · 17/10/2022 19:27

YABU - completely hatstand solutions to problems you don't have is part of the joy of MN.

Sux2buthen · 17/10/2022 19:27

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/10/2022 19:10

I made a thread back in August about not attending my brother’s child-free wedding after my childcare fell through. Wedding was in Scottish Highlands and 350 miles away. I couldn’t drive. My AIBU was about the insane reaction from my family. I was solid on “I’m not going on my own” from the beginning. But the fonts of all MN knowledge decided I should charter a private jet, e-scooter my way, hitchhike and roly poly in order to get there. Well not quite - but many suggested I piss up hundreds that I didn’t have on getting planes and trains there. Very annoying!!

Oh god I remember that. It got ridiculous

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/10/2022 19:29

“Job done” is an extremely annoying ending to a post! Would drive me mad.

I also agree about all the posters assuming things about your life - and the examples given by a op of the car, garage, microwave etc

Sometimes it is useful for other posters to see how your problem fits into things as a whole. This often applies when there’s an abusive partner involved (for example), rather than something like fussy eaters.

AnApparitionQuipped · 17/10/2022 19:30

There's more than one issue being mentioned here, and I don't think they all fall into the same bracket of unreasonability:

  • Not reading the OP's posts properly - annoying, they ABU.
  • Making assumptions based on their own experience - a bit annoying but understandable in some circumstances, they may or may not BU
  • Addressing problem from another angle/different part of problem - that's the benefit of forums in my opinion, they ANBU
  • Picking up on detail in post not related at all to OP's dilemma - they ABU.