Stranger discussing my "pregnancy"

[Blip]

I am 55 years old, menopausal, 5ft 6" tall and 1 stone overweight.

Whilst walking the dogs this morning with my friend, a woman with a shy dog asked if she could join in our walk for a bit to help build her dog's confidence. We say yes and say a few friendly things to the woman. She then talks about my pregnancy bump.

When I say I'm not pregnant she apologises. AIBU that you should not assume people are pregnant if they are 55 YEARS OLD (I have a bit of grey in my hair) and one stone overweight??? I thought this was incredibly rude and it really hurt my feelings. How can this possibly be a genuine mistake?

Has anyone else had this happen?

I was pregnant when I was 45. Had plenty of gray hair at that stage. I looked around the same age after that until 55, really (fell off a cliff after that, thanks menopause). I would not have been surprised by someone thinking I might be young enough to be pregnant when I was 55. (Still think it's always a bad idea to assume anyone is pregnant unless they say so though!).

I think at 55 I would be taking this as a huge compliment that I must be looking like some kind of radiant glowing Mother Earth figure.

Agreed that she should have kept her rude feckin mouth shut though. Find it hard to believe that 1 stone in excess weight could possibly translate into you looking pregnant though. Maybe you’re just glowing.

You didn’t say anything about feeling sick or being off alcohol or sushi or soft cheese did you? Perhaps she’s taken the cue from something other than your body?

Thank you everyone for the kind words, it's helped me to bounce back!

for everyone who has had similar experiences

I doubt she did this intentionally OP

Bet she was a lot more embarrassed than you

Unfortunately I think a lot of people who do this actually don't learn from the experience.

@Blip

It wouldn't be out of the realms of possibility for a woman in her mid 50s to be pregnant. IVF and all that. (I don't agree with it remotely, but a few women have done it past the age of 50.)

Doesn't mean you don't look your age. Everyone looks their age within 5-6 years, when you look properly. I got asked if there is a chance I could be pregnant when I went for a scan last year. I was 51! (And I look close to my age as EVERYone does.)

This woman either thought you were a woman in her 50s who has had IVF, or she needs her eyes testing. She must need her eyes testing if she mistook a woman of 55 for 35 (as one poster suggested.) NO-ONE aged 55, looks 35.

She must need her eyes testing if she mistook a woman of 55 for 35 (as one poster suggested.) NO-ONE aged 55, looks 35.

Is 35 the cut off for natural pregnancy?

Someone forgot to tell my antenatal class.

She could've thought op looked early 40s, even mid 40s.

And loads of people have grey hair "young".

The vast majority of women dye it but some don't.

She sounds nervous and babbling.

Maybe she didn't look very carefully at you, just got an overall impression and it was younger.

It's a compliment. I don't understand why someone would be so offended.

I never said 35 was the cut off age for pregnancy. You just made that bit up.

I was referring to what another poster had said if you could be arsed to read my posts properly!

This woman either thought you were a woman in her 50s who has had IVF, or she needs her eyes testing. She must need her eyes testing if she mistook a woman of 55 for 35 (as one poster suggested.) NO-ONE aged 55, looks 35.

It wasn't immediately clear at all you were referring to another person's post, younfudht quote it and you included that comment right after your 5/IVF comment; in the same paragraph.

In any case you've completely, weirdly discounted that the woman could've thought that op was in her eg 40s and pregnant (naturally).

It wasn't immediately clear at all you were referring to another person's post, you didn't quote it and you included that comment right after your 50/IVF comment; in the same paragraph.

The quote function exists for a reason, but we should apparently peruse and cross reference every post on MN.

NO-ONE aged 55, looks 35.

As an aside, I can actually think of some people who could pass for it. Some people just look very young for their age. My Mum is one of them, people have generally always thought she's about 30 yrs younger than she is.

There are some celebs Incan think of off the top of my head who could pass for 30s too .. J Lo, Salma Hayek etc.

Esp when people glance at others and don't stand staring for a period of time.

*20, not 30!

How awkward! I bet she was mortified. As others have said, try and see the positives.

IME people went out of their way to not mention my pregnancy, even when it was very bloody obvious, for fear of getting it wrong (mostly men though, I must admit).

I cannot believe the comments in this thread.

No she didn't say it to be hurtful, but it can be deeply, deeply hurtful and people need to learn to be more thoughtful and not to do it. If that means they get an abrupt response in return then that's perfectly reasonable in my opinion.

I had a client message me after a video call once, where the camera was mounted on the wall in a meeting room so looking down on us - clearly a bad angle as I'm not overweight. She complimented me on my "not so little bump" - I wasn't pregnant but had been dealing with infertility for 4 years, and it really hurt me.

OP I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it gives her an opportunity to change her ways.

Oh give her a break and look at the funny side of it. She's was just as nervous as her dog probably!

I had this a week after a miscarriage. Tbf my tummy is round and I was wearing an unflattering dress (plus I always need to eat a lot in the first 12 weeks so had put weight on)
I just said I'm not pregnant and carried on. The lady was horrified and kept apologising which made me feel worse! I obviously didn't tell her I had been pregnant a week previously.

I never understand why people say this. I worked in a customer facing role for many years and never ever assumed or commented, even when it was obvious! I only did so if the lady brought it up first (also, when someone asks you to guess age, I always knock a few years off what I actually think)

No wonder her dog is shy to mix with others, probably anxiety and mortification about what's owner is going to say to the others'!

redbigbananafeet 😆

I clicked on this thread because the same thing has happened to me on at least three occasions.
Funny, I really didn't think some people would assume it might be a stealth "Ooh it's a pain looking so young" thread.
I just think people look at body shapes before faces and many people dye their hair.

I was in my 40s on two occasions and the last time I was mid-50s. I'm slim and any weight is carried on my abdomen. When I was pregnant I looked like a boa constrictor that had just had a big meal. Like a whole goat or whatever they eat.

However, don't always rush in to correct! I'm still kicking myself about the time we were travelling on Eurostar and an official person on the platform asked late-40s me: "Aww! Have you got a little baby in there?" pointing at my midsection.
Flustered, I said I didn't.
Turned out she was going to put us in first class if I was pregnant...