Stranger discussing my "pregnancy"

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I am 55 years old, menopausal, 5ft 6" tall and 1 stone overweight.

Whilst walking the dogs this morning with my friend, a woman with a shy dog asked if she could join in our walk for a bit to help build her dog's confidence. We say yes and say a few friendly things to the woman. She then talks about my pregnancy bump.

When I say I'm not pregnant she apologises. AIBU that you should not assume people are pregnant if they are 55 YEARS OLD (I have a bit of grey in my hair) and one stone overweight??? I thought this was incredibly rude and it really hurt my feelings. How can this possibly be a genuine mistake?

Has anyone else had this happen?

Plenty of people are having babies into the 40s now so she obviously just thought you looked younger, it’s not like she could have known you were 55. I doubt she was aiming to defend you despite you doing a nice thing for her. I’m sure she was probably very embarrassed.

Someone asked me recently if I was pregnant. I'm 52 and I have a bit of a menopause tummy but I'm not overweight.
I just laughed and said how it would be a medical miracle.
However let this be a lesson to everyone who reads this thread. Basically just assume everyone is not pregnant unless they tell you specifically that they are.

I'm actually quite slim, but have always had a belly! When I gain a bit of weight I probably do look a bit pregnant! My mum looked pregnant even when she was underweight!

I have been called pregnant a few times :) 'whens it due?' type comments!! I normally just say 'oh, it's not a baby, just cake!!' then laugh it off!

No use getting upset over other people and their comments OP. People rarely intend to hurt your feelings. Have a sense of humour about it and don't take it personally. Have confidence in yourself and don't worry what others think 💐

I am overweight and carry weight on my belly. I have had this happen to me twice (three times if you count the time I was 4 weeks post partum but in Sainsbury's without my baby so I forgive the man that time). One time was an older woman who bumped into me while we were both walking our dogs. When I said I wasn't pregnant she then went on to tell me about how I shouldn't be wearing the skirt I was wearing.

I think it is outrageous and rude. And I can honestly say that while I had a bit of a belly in both cases, I did NOT look pregnant.

Had a couple of instances of this - one is front of an audience of people, after I given a talk at work.

Yes - it was embarrassing but the woman was mortified as she intended no disrespect. bet she's never made that assumption ever again!

She sounds socially awkward maybe the shy dog thing is her way to make friends. She obviously thought you were 10 plus years younger I’d take that as a compliment.

It is of course very rude and I thought everybody knew not to guess by now. It happened to me one or two times when I was younger and I found it very embarrassing. However, now I am 52 and somebody asked me not that long ago, I said it was fine and I shall take it as a compliment in my youthful looks.

She didn't mean to hurt you, but I can see why people react how you do.

I have PCOS and endometriosis, and my abdomen swells to (an excruciating) size that resembles a pregnant belly. Many time I was offered a seat on the train or asked when I'm due, what I'm having etc. No one ever meant any harm and I never took it badly, especially as I'm infertile as a result of said conditions.

Were you wearing layers?

I think it's rude to ask, personally. The woman in question could be pregnant but not want anyone to know- say if there's a problem with the pregnancy or circumstances, could be unable to get pregnant etc etc.

I've had it a few times though (I'm not huge but weight gain due to meds goes on my midriff first and comes off last there). I'm not offended. I was a bit peed off lately though when a waitress asked me and made a great show of being embarrassed and bringing it up again whenever she saw me so I had to reassure her a couple of times. It was all in front of my new boyfriend and all. I felt like saying 'I'm just a bit fucking fat. So what?'. I think it's a good sign he and I were able to make a joke of it though and I felt at ease!

I once said “can’t be long now?” To an acquaintance I was left to make small talk with and “definitely” knew was pregnant.

She’d had the baby 4 weeks prior.

NEVER will I ever ask anything like that ever again, I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

This has happened to me a few times over the years and I just say "I'm not pregnant, I'm fat". Even if you aren't especially fat just say "that's my food baby" or something silly & move on. To be honest I've said the wrong thing myself when I told an overweight acquaintance that I hadn't known she was pregnant when she suddenly appeared with a new baby. Awful. Don't take it to heart Op, everyone says stupid things from time to time, and it's unlikely she meant to be so rude, and it's unlikely you actually look preggers - probably just a case that your top was clinging in the wrong place or something. In fact you could say perhaps the rest of you looks positively skinny and your tum just looked a little bloated today.

It's definitely not a good idea to comment on a "pregnancy" unless you've been told about and that it's okay to mention it!

I had this happen once. I was in a lift with my future MIL and another woman got in. "Oh!" she said brightly, beaming at me "Another one who's pregnant!". She wasn't at all abashed when I told her, face flaming, that I wasn't. I was mortified at the thought of my MIL thinking I was and we hadn't told her. I was about 23 at the time and a slim size 10 but wearing a jumper that tied at the waist, creating a "bump" effect. People can be thoughtless but I'm sure I've said ridiculous things to strangers in the past too!

Something similar happened to me. Someone congratulated my mil on me being pregnant. She then tackled my dh about why we hadn't told her. I wasn't pregnant but had a bit of a stomach. I was mortified.
At least this rude person will maybe think twice before making remarks to a complete stranger.
I would never ever do something like that to a stranger or even someone I knew unless they mentioned it first or it was very very obvious they were pregnant.

Happened to me a few weeks ago, I said no, I'm just fat, they stroked my 'bump' and told me I was joking with them.

I did feel hurt and annoyed, especially as I was going out of my way to help this woman

Well she obviously didn't do it on purpose. She'll probably be too embarrassed to walk with you again anyway, given your response.

I’m younger, mid 30s. I am overweight and have an apple shape of body and it doesn’t help. One colleague loudly congratulated me on my pregnancy and I was extremely hurt. I snapped back saying I was just fat, thank you very much. I find it EXTREMELY rude. People are bloated for all sort of reasons, including weight, period, sickness etc. I am NOT pregnant unless I’m letting others know I am. I’m sorry for being blunt, but I think this kind of people are just a tad stupid.

I'd be willing to take the positive+negative and come up with a net zero for the encounter.

But yes, it seems a bit crazy to call someone pregnant if it is not 100% obvious, because the offence potentially caused by getting it wrong is far greater than any benefit from getting it right.

you're completely right OP but some people have no social grace. a friend of mine (28, extremely slim, might've had a big meal) was standing in a queue at the chemist and a woman let her go in front "for the baby". friend just nodded as she didn't know what to do but was mortified. another of our group was quite obviously six months pregnant but until someone had said it out loud I didn't dare ask when she was due etc

Ah it happens. Many years ago I was out with a girl I went to school with, she was 19, had put on a few pounds but was still wearing her usual clothes. Someone asked me who I was out with, I pointed to my pal and the person replied "ah the wee pregnant girl" friend was devastated.

Also a couple of months ago I saw a man I worked with about 10 years ago. I knew he had a couple of early teen daughters back then.. so when I saw him again recently with a small child who looked like him, I just asked if it was his granddaughter, not thinking. You guessed it.. second family. He looked devastated.

I can see it’s a bit embarrassing but she didn’t mean to hurt you. People are pregnant up to back end of their 40s these days, and plenty younger than that have grey in their hair.

She has no social skills and that’s annoying, but Don’t make this into a big thing.

I remember when my DH made this mistake with a female friend. Afterwards I had a chat about never ever assuming a women is pregnant

This is how I would have looked at it.

She didn't look at you properly then, possibly paying more attention to the dogs if hers was shy.

My now ex husband did this too, I told him never to mention anything unless you've been explicitly told or you see the baby crowning.

The woman he said it to is a friend of mine and was longing for a baby that she never got.