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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is "good enough" good enough?

59 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 17/10/2022 03:20

I need to make a decision very soon on whether to commit seriously or end a relationship.

He is kind, solvent, mature and I feel safe and happily get along with him, but am not and have never been passionately in love with him, and the sex isn't great. However, we understand and deal with each other well and are very affectionate and sweet.

The other option is casting it to the wind and starting over.

AIBU to choose "good enough" and make this decision with my head rather than my heart?

I'm 25.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 18/10/2022 20:54

You're 25! Dump and run!

Life is miserable in the wrong relationship.

Whoputtheramintheramalamadingdong · 18/10/2022 20:56

Nooooo! Don't settle for this.

I was only thinking today that one of the best things I ever did in my life was finish with my ex in my early twenties (with the added pressure and guilt of having a dd together) as I felt much the same as you. He was a mostly nice guy and we shared the same sense of humour and had similar interests but by that point I had developed "the ick" after not fancying him for a long time. It was a very scary thing to do and involved my having to move back in with my parents for a while.

A year later I met the love of my life and we've now been married 20 years and have 2 more children together. He is an excellent SD to my dd.

Don't ever settle for less than someone who you look forward to seeing at the end of the day and still fancy the pants off even after being together a while. I shudder to think how unhappy my life would've been if I'd settled because I was too scared to leave.

beastlyslumber · 18/10/2022 20:58

I just think you can work on sex. I think I have a very different outook to most people these days but ultimately I think the idea that you can find someone perfect causes a lot of unhappiness and loneliness. If you like him, love him, trust him and respect him, then it's worth working on the sex.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 20:59

But she does not love him.

oviraptor21 · 18/10/2022 21:44

ThePriceOfSugar · 17/10/2022 04:27

@Rosehugger - this is the kind of opinion that makes me consider "settling" seriously. I imagine in 10 years, affection, care and understanding are more important than passion and sex. However, I can imagine life without him, so if that is the cornerstone, I don't have it.

I disagree.
Passion and sex are important for a lot more than 10 years. For some people they are important for ever.

Hyvsvaar · 18/10/2022 21:48

He sounds great and he should have someone who lives him without question, will he be happy with you? Won’t there be signs that your not 100%?

Hyvsvaar · 18/10/2022 21:49

Ugh loves

AriettyHomily · 18/10/2022 21:56

I was you. Now getting divorced.

IhearyouClemFandango · 18/10/2022 22:05

I'm an advocate for happy settling in the main and a dose of pragmatism, but you're only 25! Not yet!

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