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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who's in the wrong here?

66 replies

fbrockel · 16/10/2022 20:12

I'm going to remain anonymous so it's unbiased.

A&B are teenagers (one is 18, other is slightly younger), they're in a relationship. Today, they went to a house of relative for person A, other family members were there aswell including person A’s parents.

A&B were being touchy (as I suppose teenagers are), one of them then sat on the others lap, briefly.

Person C, told them to keep their hands to themselves and to stop being so touchy infront of everyone as no one wants to see that or know about their sex life. Person D (one of person A’s parents) thought person C was BU, and accused them of being homophobic as they thought person A&B weren't doing anything wrong, Person C didn't stand down and was adamant person A&B were in the wrong, and they weren't being homophobic.

Who was in the wrong?

OP posts:
ShadowoftheFall · 16/10/2022 20:34

A, B and D

Original poster
fbrockel · 16/10/2022 20:35

A&B were holding hands, touching each other anywhere, and person A was cuddling into person B as they were tired. They were also kissing, and flirting calling each other cute etc.

Person D also made the point that it was person B’s first time seeing some of the family members so thought person C was also being U for that reason. Some family agreed with Person D, others with person C, which is why I posted.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 16/10/2022 20:36

PDAs at parties which involve a lot of public intimacy aren't really appropriate whatever the sex - same or different.

The fact they made a comment about needing to know about their sex life leads me to think they responding to what they were doing rather than the fact they are same sex and have sexual contact.

A B and D all need to have a think about what is acceptable level of touching in public and recognise when they are making others feel uncomfortable.

asdadult · 16/10/2022 20:37

Doesn't change my answer. They should have laid off the PDA at a family occasion. I'd have told them to pack it in. Nicely. But I'd have taken whichever one was mine aside and told them.

Cwcwbird · 16/10/2022 20:37

Yeah then a and b were definitely unreasonable. And as to whether c was homophobic, again it depends if double standards were being applied.

TeefAsseblief · 16/10/2022 20:39

C was right.

Izzywhizzyisverybusy · 16/10/2022 20:39

A, B and D. No one wants to really see PDAs regardless of age or sexual orientation. Person D shouldn’t have said it was homophobic, because the same would have been thought or said no doubt if the teens were straight.

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 16/10/2022 20:41

C was right. Its not something most people want to see and is nothing to do with the sex of the individuals. I remember being told similar when I was young.

Midnights · 16/10/2022 20:43

Agree with most above - C was right!

Especially with your update, it sounds totally inappropriate for a family setting and the first time meeting some of the family members! Regardless of who's doing it, it's over the top PDA and not needed.

DisforDarkChocolate · 16/10/2022 20:43

Honestly, it sounds perfectly normal teenage behaviour. The sort of thing you get to tease them about when they grow up a bit.

Boomboom22 · 16/10/2022 20:44

It's out of order of D, an adult, to call another adult relative homophobic in front of teenage gay couple! Is D trying to make the kids uncomfortable? C is in the right, sexuality is not relevant.

Imissmoominmama · 16/10/2022 20:44

A and B sound very immature. D sounds defensive.

EndersGame · 16/10/2022 20:46

C is in the wrong. There is nothing wrong with people showing signs of affection regardless of age or sex. All of you who agree with C need to have a long hard think about your own bias.

missmamiecuddleduck · 16/10/2022 20:47

The teens need to save the lovey dovey stuff for private.

We're they at Cs house?
Wasn't cleat who C is.

Notmenottodaynotever · 16/10/2022 20:50

EndersGame · 16/10/2022 20:46

C is in the wrong. There is nothing wrong with people showing signs of affection regardless of age or sex. All of you who agree with C need to have a long hard think about your own bias.

Regardless of age? Are you sure?

bigblueyonder · 16/10/2022 20:51

C was right, A&B need to learn about appropriate behaviour and manners. D needs to get over themselves.

RootinandTootin · 16/10/2022 20:52

Teenagers can be gross with their PDA’s and that sounds more like foreplay to be. A,B are in the wrong for acting like that especially if it’s the first time around family and D made it worse by bringing homophobic into it. How was it resolved in the end?

EndersGame · 16/10/2022 20:52

Notmenottodaynotever · 16/10/2022 20:50

Regardless of age? Are you sure?

Show quote history

legal age - obviously. FFS

yerdaindicatesonbends · 16/10/2022 20:54

I’m trying to put myself in everyone’s shoes here. And as a fully grown adult I have been A and B in front of parents. But definitely not upon a first meeting so would say A and B were being slightly inappropriate.

Now person C was being unreasonable in the way they brought it up, and the mention of sex life, which seems very inappropriate and weird, does make me think there could have been a homophobic undertone to it.

A lighthearted comment could have been made that didn’t involve the mention of sex. PDA’s do make some people uncomfortable which is totally fair enough, so a little bit of self awareness from A and B wouldn’t go amiss either.

Jonagirl · 16/10/2022 20:55

C is right and it's nothing to do with bias, they are at a family event, enough with the pda ffs, I mean you don't have to not touch at all but all the on lap, your so cute, no you are, no you, oh please, nobody needs to be watching that shit. My brother and sil do this and it's honestly fucking annoying

asdadult · 16/10/2022 20:55

EndersGame · 16/10/2022 20:46

C is in the wrong. There is nothing wrong with people showing signs of affection regardless of age or sex. All of you who agree with C need to have a long hard think about your own bias.

You sure about that?

FelicityFlops · 16/10/2022 20:57

Hmm, in years gone by, my mother would have said "your sex life is your own, but there is no need to impose it on others". Could someone have a word?

empireemmy · 16/10/2022 20:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the poster.

Ponderingwindow · 16/10/2022 21:02

Sitting on the lap of the person of the person you are involved with, whether you are dating or married, is not normal behavior at a family function. The teens need to learn some manners. C might be homophobic, but calling out the PDA is not a sign of homophobia.

LizzieSiddal · 16/10/2022 21:09

A&B were holding hands, touching each other anywhere, and person A was cuddling into person B as they were tired. They were also kissing, and flirting calling each other cute etc.

“touching each other anywhere” I would have told A&B to stop too! They were being totally over the top and inappropriate for a family gathering.

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