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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To block “friend” for been self centred

46 replies

Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 19:42

I have blocked a “friend” from all social media as well as blocking calls and text messages.

we have been “friends” for around 15 years however in my opinion the friendship is extremely one sided.

Mary has been through a lot over years including been in a violent relationship. I have always been at the end of a phone at anytime day or night, been to her house to comfort her and offered support.

Mary often calls late at night when she has been drinking to tell me all of the difficulties she’s having in her life. It then often goes months where she will not answer my messages and not call me but will post pictures on Facebook of days out and happy moments in her life. She even bought a house and neglected to tell me when we have met up and had conversations, she only tells me negative parts of her life. She never asks how I am or even sends a happy birthday message on mine or DC’s birthdays. Where as I always send birthday and Xmas cards and gifts for her DC’s.

I feel like she emotionally off loads on to me and only wants me to know about the negative parts of her life, I feel like a counsellor more than a friend.

AIBU to completely cut her out of my life? At this point she won’t be able to make contact via phone or social media but she does know where I live but feel it’s very unlikely she would come to my home.

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 19:46

She’s not really a friend, is she? She just wants to use you to dump negativity, not reciprocated cards/gifts? Stop sending her stuff.

Itisour · 16/10/2022 19:50

I agree - she isn't your friend.
She was an acquaintance who used to use you for free counselling/offloading with no thought for you at all, and how you've realised and have moved this negativity out of your life.

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 16/10/2022 19:51

Block Mary and move on. I had a friend like this, constant drama about her life dumped onto me but always neglected to ask how I was.

I don't miss it not one but.

Thatiswild · 16/10/2022 19:57

I’ve backed off from quite a few people for similar yanbu

Original poster
Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 19:59

I think in more recent years we have become acquaintances, we were quite good friends in Uni but her attitude has always been the same, never any concern for how I am and even interrupting me when I was talking to tell me about more about her.

I have come to the realisation the friendship has come to an end, am I been unreasonable to block Mary though? Is this too harsh?

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 20:00

Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 19:59

I think in more recent years we have become acquaintances, we were quite good friends in Uni but her attitude has always been the same, never any concern for how I am and even interrupting me when I was talking to tell me about more about her.

I have come to the realisation the friendship has come to an end, am I been unreasonable to block Mary though? Is this too harsh?

Not harsh. Do you really have the mental capacity for her endless negativity?

WickedStepmomNOT · 16/10/2022 20:01

Why now? Did something happen to push you into blocking her now? Good thing too, IMHO.

Metabigot · 16/10/2022 20:04

I think it's harsh to block. Do a slow fade. I'm not a fan of blocking unless in extremis, its so rude.

Obki · 16/10/2022 20:20

Well done for blocking. No need to discuss it with her. You did the right thing. Onwards and upwards! Flowers

Original poster
Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 20:38

WickedStepmomNOT · 16/10/2022 20:01

Why now? Did something happen to push you into blocking her now? Good thing too, IMHO.

I’ve recently been feeling quite low and trying to look at my life and assess ways I can get rid of negativity and things/people/relationships that are draining me but also trying to build on the good friendships I have, that’s why it’s been a bit of a light bulb moment for me. I think I just accepted the way she has been treating me as “friendship” but it’s really not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 20:40

Metabigot · 16/10/2022 20:04

I think it's harsh to block. Do a slow fade. I'm not a fan of blocking unless in extremis, its so rude.

Do you not consider her behaviour equally rude and inconsiderate?

OP posts:
Luckymummytoone · 16/10/2022 20:40

I had a ‘best friend’ like this until I realised just how one sided it was so stopped making an effort or being there to listen to her venting when she had a problem. We rarely speak now which is a shame as she had another baby but there’s only so long you can put up with it. Not unreasonable at all x

Luckymummytoone · 16/10/2022 20:42

I didn’t block her mind I just stopped making any effort - she only ever really gets in touch when she wants something now but I don’t answer now and keep it as pleasantries x

Cw112 · 16/10/2022 20:44

I don't really see the point in blocking someone. If you valued the friendship you could have spoken to her and called her out on it and given her a chance to change her behaviours. But at the end of the day you don't need to invest in anyone you don't want to invest in.

cookiecreammmpie · 16/10/2022 20:49

I have had a similar type of thing happen with a friend of mine. I think blocking is a good idea, because you can close the door on her mentally and there's no chance that you're going to get drawn into her bullshit when she decides to get in touch.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/10/2022 20:53

Blocking people seems to be a MN obsession but outside of stalkers it’s immature. Call her out on her behaviour or just end the friendship.

workshy46 · 16/10/2022 20:54

Blocking is extremely rude, especially if you have not had a conversation with her to address the issues. You were friends with her for 15 years, there must have been some positives to maintain the relationship for that long. If you are done with her fine but at least have a conversation letting her know why or do a slow fade. Blocking just seems to childish and extreme to me.

Obki · 16/10/2022 20:55

SleeplessInEngland · 16/10/2022 20:53

Blocking people seems to be a MN obsession but outside of stalkers it’s immature. Call her out on her behaviour or just end the friendship.

It’s taken OP 15 years to see this friend for what she is.

I’d be glad she’s ended the friendship instead of worrying about etiquette.

Izzywhizzyisverybusy · 16/10/2022 20:56

I also agree with slow fade. The other person then just feels the friendship has fizzled out. Blocking could set you up for awkwardness and problems if you ever see her out.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/10/2022 20:58

It’s taken OP 15 years to see this friend for what she is.

Doesn’t change the fact just suddenly blocking her is childish. But again, it seems to the MN solution to most friendship problems.

Metabigot · 16/10/2022 21:04

Friendblocker1234 · 16/10/2022 20:40

Do you not consider her behaviour equally rude and inconsiderate?

Show quote history

Well yes, but doesn't mean OP can't have better manners.

Metabigot · 16/10/2022 21:08

Metabigot · 16/10/2022 21:04

Well yes, but doesn't mean OP can't have better manners.

Show quote history

Sorry, you are the OP. You asked if it was too harsh to block, I think yes it is its harsh and uncalled for.

If you want to end it that way, go ahead but I think there are better ways unless it's an extreme situation ( eg major breach of trust) or the other person doesn't take the hint of a slow fade approach.

Jesca78 · 16/10/2022 21:11

I have recently done the same to a friend, she was my bridesmaid a few years back but she’s been so selfish and hurtful I feel I have no option. Stick to your gut instinct, it’s normally right x

Queenofcheese1 · 16/10/2022 21:22

Don't do this, it is extremely immature and hurtful. She may have treated you poorly but to do this after 15 years of friendship is nasty, you at least owe it to her to tell her what is wrong! I have been on the other end of this and to this day I still have no idea what I did wrong, it made my anxiety 100x worse! Doing this to someone is cruel and childish, you at least owe her an explanation, following that, feel free to cut ties. People who do this without telling their friend how they feel do not know how to handle their emotions like an adult.

Vaccine001 · 16/10/2022 21:28

Decide to never phone her. When she calls and you feel you can't get a word in edgeways and she hasn't asked about you tell her you ha ran important call come through from a friend and hang up. Don't answer her call for a week and then two weeks and so on and so forth. You deserve better. She is going to miss you more than you will miss her and I bet you're not the only person feelings the same way about her