To block “friend” for been self centred

[Friendblocker1234]

I have blocked a “friend” from all social media as well as blocking calls and text messages.

we have been “friends” for around 15 years however in my opinion the friendship is extremely one sided.

Mary has been through a lot over years including been in a violent relationship. I have always been at the end of a phone at anytime day or night, been to her house to comfort her and offered support.

Mary often calls late at night when she has been drinking to tell me all of the difficulties she’s having in her life. It then often goes months where she will not answer my messages and not call me but will post pictures on Facebook of days out and happy moments in her life. She even bought a house and neglected to tell me when we have met up and had conversations, she only tells me negative parts of her life. She never asks how I am or even sends a happy birthday message on mine or DC’s birthdays. Where as I always send birthday and Xmas cards and gifts for her DC’s.

I feel like she emotionally off loads on to me and only wants me to know about the negative parts of her life, I feel like a counsellor more than a friend.

AIBU to completely cut her out of my life? At this point she won’t be able to make contact via phone or social media but she does know where I live but feel it’s very unlikely she would come to my home.

You can block her after Christmas or keep her on Facebook and just don't communicate

Queen* it is never childish to block a abusive person. What isn't abuse to you maybe abuse to another. Your reply is ignorant.

You would be better to tell her honestly that you are incredibly busy and have reevaluated your time / friendships . You wish her well but don’t have time to continue your friendship

I think your bar for 'abuse' is a bit low. I fer the friend is a bit needy and selfish but abusive? For real?

*get not fer

I agree that she has been self-centred and needy but from the information OP has given us, not abusive. If you ghost a friend of 15 years with no explanation it is really cruel. If it were you, wouldn't you want to be told so you could have a chance to sort it out or at least have some closure?

Blocking and ghosting is cowardly and can destroy a person. This is someone who gets so down she rings you drunk. Imagine her finding out, when she already feels that low, that you've blocked her.

Be a grown up with some empathy

OP doesn’t exist to be a free counsellor to people who just want to dump their problems on her and never share their happy moments.

She was 100% to block.

You could explain your actions before blocking her. This way you give her the opportunity to work on herself and be a better friend to others in the future. It will eliminate any guilt you may have later and even give you the option to turn things around in the future if you wish. By blanking her totally you’re not being the best version of yourself

It seems your the psychological friend.

@Obki no she doesn't, and is free to say so and remove herself from the situation.

Me?

I agree with this in a way maybe blocking on all platforms wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation but at the same time I think it was a protective response, I know if I get a message or a call from her I will most likely respond and be drained by her. I can see why I am been unreasonable with the blocking.

Hmm. If I was a third friend of you both and if you ghosted and blocked someone mutual I would distance myself slowly from you as I would worry that you would end up doing it to me without warning.

Just let it drift or face it head on.

I had a friend a little like that. In the past when we were closer I would allow her half an hour to moan and then we changed the subject (she was happy with this idea and said afterwards it helped to get it out of her system and then talk about happier things). We rarely see each other now, she was spectacularly unsupportive when I had a difficult time myself, and I recently unfollowed all her social media. I was amazed at how much better I felt when not bombarded by her negativity.

I’ve had friends like this! One told me quite frequently all about how she kept having these days where she didn’t want to wake up even though she knew I was dealing with a lot myself. It was quite heavy and I get the impression she doesn’t even load her live-in partner with that information or her other friends but I am somehow the therapist friend despite the fact unlike her i have very little family support. She has joked that I’m an unpaid therapist, but I put a stop to it and established boundaries with all the emotional vampires in my life and feel much better.

So yeah I totally understand why you wanted to block, it is so draining. But I agree that a slow fade might be better in this situation. It’s not fair her using you as an emotional dumping ground but she’s clearly struggling herself and I think if you send out a more subtle message to her, it will either lead her to self-reflect and make changes in her interactions with you , or she will remove herself from your life. People who just want to use you don’t hang about long once you have boundaries!

You’ve got to maintain your own sanity. You’ve done your bit to help her, but it’s been one-sided. Some friendships have a lifetime and it looks as though this one has reached its end.

Nice one, great to hear - sending you good thoughts to keep going on working on more positivity in your life.

I thought that I wanted to Unfriend someone earlier this year. She is kind and funny, but I found her to be negative and bitchy too. We don’t need meet often but we had 2 catch ups and I left each feeling unhappy with her. So I avoided parties she had organised & didnt keenin touch for 6 months. Then we were exchanging instagram replies & I thought that I missed her. We met up, had a lovely time & I’ve now decided that I’ll see her occasionally as that’s the right balance for our friendship. My point? I guess if I’d out and out blocked her this reversal / reassessment would never have happened and if I bumped into her I’d feel awkward. If you can explain you need distance from her and that it’s a toxic relationship atm she’d probably know why & could work on herself, but you can stil block her to stop you responding.

Well said

I think that's a good approach if someone hasn't crossed a line in their behaviour to you.

I had a friend who really hurt me and I pulled back for a few months but couldn't get past it and when I broached it she didn't want to know. But I wasn't willing to pretend nothing had happened the resentment would have got too much so we went our separate ways sadly.

Glad you were able to make it work with your friend.