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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude/wrong in this situation?

457 replies

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:20

Was out walking my two seven month chihuahuas today. I have treated them like dogs from day one and they are very well trained. They walk off lead absolutely fine and don't bother other dogs at all, however if a dog comes running over to them they will bolt.

Today I was walking them off lead and there were two big golden retriever with two women who were chatting. We were quite a distance away but one of the retrievers started barking and running towards me/my dogs. I put my hand out in a 'stop' motion as it got closer. I said, 'stop' and when that didn't work I said 'no'. That didn't work either and my dogs started to run away.

I moved away from the dogs and began to call for my dogs but the retriever kept following me so my dogs were standing watching at a distance but wouldn't come over due to the dog being next to me. I shouted across to the woman, 'can you please get your dog?' No reply and she continued talking.

I moved away again, calling my dogs and the dog followed me again. I looked at the lady and shouted, 'can you get your dog?' She didn't move.

I moved away again and the dog followed once again, at this point I was exasperated and said a little sternly, 'will You move your dog!?'

She came over and said, 'my dog isn't anywhere near your dogs' rudely.

I said, 'yeah because they ran away terrified due to your dog coming up to them. If your dog is off lead it shouldn't be running up to my dogs'

She went to say something but I just held up my hand and said, 'thank you'.

I then continued my walk with my dogs and the lady met another dog walker who then started pointing to me and shaking their head.

Did I do the right thing to deal with this situation or was I too sensitive? I just think you shouldn't have your dog off the lead unless you know they will not approach any other dogs without permission.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 16/10/2022 18:25

All dogs should be on leads especially ones that run up to other dogs/people and ones that bolt and hide if other dogs run up to them.

But I don't own a dog so unaware of any unwritten dog rules that would change it.

SugerNiner · 16/10/2022 18:26

You can't control your dogs. They shouldn't be off leads. And you were really rude.

SlashBeef · 16/10/2022 18:26

I don't think your dogs are as well trained as you think they are. If they're antisocial they shouldn't be off lead around other dogs.

Strangeways19 · 16/10/2022 18:31

I would keep my dogs on a long lead, this indicates to other walkers that they aren't ok for other dogs to approach. Sorry but I think you were responsible for this situation.

OhTheLeetleHandsAndFeetle · 16/10/2022 18:35

They are only 7 months old and are a tiny breed. In your shoes, I’d be keeping them on a lead or quickly putting them on the lead, when other dogs are about, if only to lessen the chances of them being squashed in exuberant play by other dogs. You also don’t want them running off. You are responsible for your dogs. You can’t expect other people to behave the way you want them to, so take charge of what you can control. Dogs on a lead, then if there’s any nonsense you can either march them quickly out of there or point out to the other dog owner that they are on a lead so can they put theirs on too.

I am interested that you have two puppies the same age. How is that working out? Are they from the same litter? I was always advised against having two from the same litter so I’m curious as to how things are going with them.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 16/10/2022 18:36

I don't understand why you didn't just walk away. It doesn't sound like your dog's actually billed off, they just moved away, which is what you should have done.

Quincythequince · 16/10/2022 18:37

curlymom · 16/10/2022 18:06

I think a lot of comments here are unfair as the dogs are only 7 months and the owner is still probably in training with them. Yes she may have had need to keep on lead but that was a lesson learnt today and something to work towards in training. After today, I am sure she will do things differently.

7 months old?
And they bolt too?

Yeah, no way should they be off a lead!

Eloise38 · 16/10/2022 18:40

Your own dogs should be on a lead because you clearly don't have enough control over them.

Riapia · 16/10/2022 18:40

In a public place dogs should be on a lead at all times.
Nobody can guarantee to have control over their dog under all circumstances.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 18:42

Riapia · 16/10/2022 18:40

In a public place dogs should be on a lead at all times.
Nobody can guarantee to have control over their dog under all circumstances.

I disagree. My dog needs off lead exercise.

Original poster
clankist · 16/10/2022 18:42

OhTheLeetleHandsAndFeetle · 16/10/2022 18:35

They are only 7 months old and are a tiny breed. In your shoes, I’d be keeping them on a lead or quickly putting them on the lead, when other dogs are about, if only to lessen the chances of them being squashed in exuberant play by other dogs. You also don’t want them running off. You are responsible for your dogs. You can’t expect other people to behave the way you want them to, so take charge of what you can control. Dogs on a lead, then if there’s any nonsense you can either march them quickly out of there or point out to the other dog owner that they are on a lead so can they put theirs on too.

I am interested that you have two puppies the same age. How is that working out? Are they from the same litter? I was always advised against having two from the same litter so I’m curious as to how things are going with them.

Yes same litter. Things are going amazingly. Really, really well.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2022 18:45

If your dogs have a habit of running off then they shouldn't be off-lead in a public space.

I have treated them like dogs from day one well what else would you treat them like? Parrots?

Seriously, they are too young to be off-lead and don't sound very well trained or socialised. Try puppy training classes?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 18:45

Cw112 · 16/10/2022 18:22

As a fellow dog owner I think you should have had your dogs leashed if they are not sociable with other dogs. Our dog is extremely friendly and will generally ignore other dogs if we distract him with a ball etc but we use the rule of thumb that if another dog is leashed we assume that dog needs space and we leash our dog or distract him until he's well past that dog. If another dog is off leash we assume the owner has trained and socialised their dog well enough that their dog can interact safely with other dogs and people and that they are happy for their dog to do so. I would have let my dog approach your dog on the grounds they were off leash although I would have also been keeping an eye and I know my boys recall is very solid so I would have called him back if you'd asked. I think if your dogs are nervous around others and bolt and don't have a solid recall then it's on you to leash them. And yes sticking your hand in someone's face when they go to say something and not letting them speak is rude, for all you know she was about to apologise. If your dogs are prone to bolting then other larger dogs could see them as either playing or prey depending on their breed and you would have absolutely no control over what happens next to two very small dogs.

The rest of the world isn't obliged to operate by what you "assume."

I assume people don't want to be bothered by strange dogs unless they directly indicate otherwise. Whether the OP's dogs were on lead or not is irrelevant; they weren't approaching or annoying anyone else. The rude woman's dogs WERE.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2022 18:46

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

I disagree. My dog needs off lead exercise. Yes, but other dogs don't need him bothering them. Hire a secure field for off-lead exercise.

Cakeandcardio · 16/10/2022 18:46

All dogs should be on leads.

misssunshine4040 · 16/10/2022 18:46

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:20

Was out walking my two seven month chihuahuas today. I have treated them like dogs from day one and they are very well trained. They walk off lead absolutely fine and don't bother other dogs at all, however if a dog comes running over to them they will bolt.

Today I was walking them off lead and there were two big golden retriever with two women who were chatting. We were quite a distance away but one of the retrievers started barking and running towards me/my dogs. I put my hand out in a 'stop' motion as it got closer. I said, 'stop' and when that didn't work I said 'no'. That didn't work either and my dogs started to run away.

I moved away from the dogs and began to call for my dogs but the retriever kept following me so my dogs were standing watching at a distance but wouldn't come over due to the dog being next to me. I shouted across to the woman, 'can you please get your dog?' No reply and she continued talking.

I moved away again, calling my dogs and the dog followed me again. I looked at the lady and shouted, 'can you get your dog?' She didn't move.

I moved away again and the dog followed once again, at this point I was exasperated and said a little sternly, 'will You move your dog!?'

She came over and said, 'my dog isn't anywhere near your dogs' rudely.

I said, 'yeah because they ran away terrified due to your dog coming up to them. If your dog is off lead it shouldn't be running up to my dogs'

She went to say something but I just held up my hand and said, 'thank you'.

I then continued my walk with my dogs and the lady met another dog walker who then started pointing to me and shaking their head.

Did I do the right thing to deal with this situation or was I too sensitive? I just think you shouldn't have your dog off the lead unless you know they will not approach any other dogs without permission.

YABU for allowing your dogs to be off the lead

Blogswife · 16/10/2022 18:47

If your dogs run away and don’t like other dogs approaching them , then they should be on a lead . General rule as I understand it is if another dog is off it’s lead , it’s ok for my dog to approach . If the dog is on a lead then I put mine on hers .
l’m not sure how you spoke to the other people concerned so can’t say if you were rude but I would say YABU in this situation .

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 18:48

Mine are from the same litter and are very outgoing and sociable. They are very bonded to me and have been easy to train. Chihuahuas are so intelligent and eager to please. These two love one another but spend most of their free time apart, with each laying claim to a different room of the house. I think "littermate syndrome" is a bit of hogwash, really.

Livelovebehappy · 16/10/2022 18:50

If your dogs are the ones which are afraid of other dogs, then I’m sorry but yours should be on a lead too. You can’t expect everyone else to have their dogs on leads in case they chase yours. That wouldn’t be fair would it?

Rosebel · 16/10/2022 18:56

Yes you were rude and unreasonable. You saw the dog approaching, you know how your dogs react but didn't bother to put them on a lead. Why? What did you honestly think would happen? Dogs should only be off a lead if they are happy to interact with other dogs and have excellent recall. Clearly your dogs don't fit in to this category so it's your fault.
I'm laughing that you thought saying no or stop to a dog that doesn't know you was actually going to help.
If your dogs are this nervy they should be on a lead.

YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 18:56

This is so weird.

Why would you start a thread literally asking if you’re rude and/or wrong and when the majority of posters tell you you were rude and you were in the wrong get defensive, insist you’re right and display even more rudeness?

ShahRukhKhan · 16/10/2022 18:58

If someone lets their dog run up to you, ignores you when you ask them to call the dog back, then tells you basically you are wrong for asking that, then I think you are justified in getting a bit snappy with them.

girlmom21 · 16/10/2022 18:59

YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 18:56

This is so weird.

Why would you start a thread literally asking if you’re rude and/or wrong and when the majority of posters tell you you were rude and you were in the wrong get defensive, insist you’re right and display even more rudeness?

Standard Sunday night AIBU Grin

23292RAyn · 16/10/2022 19:00

A) neither of you should have had your dogs off lead in the first place, in a public place. What about the dogs on lead, who could feel threatened by dogs off lead. The rule is there for a reason. Yes you were rude, and yes you were inconsiderate of other dog walkers.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 19:02

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2022 18:46

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

I disagree. My dog needs off lead exercise. Yes, but other dogs don't need him bothering them. Hire a secure field for off-lead exercise.

Nope. My dog doesn't bother other dogs. His recall has never failed in 11 years. We'll carry on as we are.