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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A garden fence one... with diagram

58 replies

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:18

Sorry for War and Peace...

I am not sure what to do, if anything…

We moved in 2 years ago, the fence at the bottom of our garden is the side fence of our neighbours – the houses are at right angles and the back of our house faces the side of theirs. The fence is mine. I introduced myself when we moved in, they were frosty so I left it at that.

In the spring storm of 2021 a fence panel (1) blew down. It was the one nearest their house, so when I sat in the living room I could see into their patio area, which they used for smoking, so it was a bit intrusive, however, it was spring and they weren’t out there for long.

I told them over the gap when I saw them, to reassure them, that I would get it replaced. It took me 2-3 weeks to getting round to ordering it. The earliest delivery slot was in 5 weeks, and I don’t have a car.

I told them the delivery date when I next saw them over the gap. His response was ‘well, they are in stock at (other supplier) in a hostile tone.” I was a bit on the back foot at his response as I was trying to be friendly, so I just said it was delivery, not stock that was taking so long.

When I next saw them (by now I am not going out of my way to update them) I tols them the fence panels had arrived, and I was waiting for the builders to come and fit them. He asked when that would be, and I said in the next couple of weeks. Then added, as it occurred to me, that I couldn’t do it on my own (I am a single mother), but if he helped we could slot the panels in now and then the builders could secure them (they are the wooden panels that slot into concrete posts with a groove. His reply was “no, it’s OK”.

I then had a random man ring my doorbell, saying he had been told that I needed someone to sort out my fence. I said I already had someone lined up. The builder I was using told me that he had been tackled by the man next door while working on another neighbour’s drive, so prioritised the fence.

By then I was quite pi**ed off, so said he could take as long as he liked, but fortunately the builder was the adult in the room who said it is best not to annoy neighbours, and his men came and dealt with in within a couple of days.

A few weeks ago I noticed that the new(ish) fence panel (2) behind the garden shed was bulging into my garden, as if something heavy have been leant against it or it had been knocked by next door. The damage seemed minimal so I noted it but nothing needed to be done.

This morning I was in the front garden doing some work. After a few minutes I realised I had heard a lot of (seemingly distant) barking, so went to see if it was DDog. Sometimes their cat sits on the garage roof and won’t move, and sometimes foxes sit the other side of the railway fence and won’t move. DDog is small and rather a scaredy cat, so does her best to protect the garden but without much success.

It turned out that the fence panel had broken down quite a bit, DDog had managed to get through, and the neighbour was standing in their back door and DDog in their garden barking at him. I called her back at once and he complained about the broken fence panel.

I said that it seemed to have been damaged from his side, he said it was my fence.

I then told him I have no legal responsibility to provide a fence, he responded “well, take it all down then”. Sadly, it didn’t occur to me to tell him to grow up, and anyway, I was still trying to be conciliatory.

He then said “Don’t take 6 months like you did last time” at which point I lost my temper and said “it’s my fence, I’ll take as long as I f*ing like”.

Now, it is my responsibility to make sure DDog can’t get into the garden. I hadn’t realised the fence had broken that much, and have secured it with chicken wire.
But I don’t want to have to replace a fence panel after 18 months, let alone when it looks as if it was damaged by next door. If they were friendly about it then I would probably replace it to keep on good terms, but I have tried to keep on good terms and had nothing but entitled pric*ery back.

AIBU to ensure DDog is secure in my garden, and not worry about how the panel looks from their side? It is behind my garden shed, so the view doesn’t bother me.

Surely the obvious thing would have been to come round and say "the panel is broken, and your dog is in our garden. Please retrieve your dog and make sure they can't get through again"?

A garden fence one... with diagram
OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:20

Sorry about the italics, the formatting went wrong!

OP posts:
LIZS · 16/10/2022 14:24

Did you have the dog when the other gap was there and if so was it a nuisance. You don't have to replace but I can see why they are miffed.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:25

The dog got through once today. As soon as I realised she could get through I fixed it.

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Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:26

I put up a barrier 18 months ago when the fence panel blew down - she is small so the barrier didn't need to ne high

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Somanysocks · 16/10/2022 14:27

I'd want to know how a new fence panel got broken so quickly

LeMoo · 16/10/2022 14:28

Do you know what was bulging against the fence panel?

Did you take pictures?
If so I'd charge them for a replacement.

If and when you decide to replace, see if insurance will cover it. Also don't inform them of any plans in advance, just do it and take time stamped images.

Document all. Engage no more.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:29

It might have been a faulty panel, but it is leaning into my garden and then half-fell into my garden. So any damage was from next door.

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KickAssAngel · 16/10/2022 14:29

If it's genuinely not a problem - your dog can't get through and it doesn't cause any pressure on the posts/your shed, then no, you don't have to replace it. If they don't like how it looks, they shouldn't have broken it, should they? It's not like they apologized and offered to go halves on a new panel.

2pinkginsplease · 16/10/2022 14:31

I would always want my garden secure to make it safe for my pet and to not piss my neighbours off.

id not engage with him further,

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:31

I am going to run chicken wire around the bottom of the fence panels so DDog can't get out. I quite agree it is my responsibility to ensure my garden is dog proof, which is why I had the panels replaced. I just didn't see because this one was hidden by the garden shed

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Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:34

And then he asked my builder to quote for his conservatory at the back 😀my builder said he gave an inflated quote because he didn't want the work when the client was so argumentative!

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goingtotown · 16/10/2022 14:36

Your builder said "best not to annoy neighbours" take his advice & fix the fence.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:37

Fix as in make it dog proof? Or fix as in cosmetically acceptable to the neighbours?

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LIZS · 16/10/2022 14:39

Not having a panel may weaken the structure of the fence if windy.

bloodyplanes · 16/10/2022 14:40

Id secure it so the dog can't get into their garden and then leave it! If they want to be arseholes the two can play at that game!

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:41

I'll look into the structure. It is one of those fences with concrete posts with slots in the side, and then the fence panels are dropped in. I think the posts give the strength, the panels are fairly flimsy

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Ffsmakeitstop · 16/10/2022 14:44

If your happy that dog is secure and it's not an eyesore for you I'd leave it.
Cheeky fucker neighbour. We have one a bit like that but we fell out over her noise nuisance so don't speak and I dread issues like this.
She has caused damage to our fence by leaning things against it but we have quite mature plants in front so we can't see it unless actively looking but I imagine it looks a bugger from her side. Tough she can live with it.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:45

bloodyplanes · 16/10/2022 14:40

Id secure it so the dog can't get into their garden and then leave it! If they want to be arseholes the two can play at that game!

That's my feeling! But then I took a deep breath and a step back. I want to be on good terms with my neighbours (have never had problems before). But am also feeling I have acted with goodwill and got nothing but entitlement back, so maybe I need to have some boundaries (whatever the state of the fences!)

I completely accept I need to have a dog-proof fence, both for DDog and for the neighbours

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:49

OTOH my friends are in hysterics that I swore at him, I hate conflict 😂

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YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 14:50

I think taking 3 months to replace the fence was taking the piss to be honest, even though it’s your fence.

I would just fix the fence appropriately, and not with ugly chicken wire just to make a point.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 14:51

I would ask the builder to have a look; he may be able to identify why it broke so quickly and what on their side caused the damage.

Did they select the panel behind the shed so they could vandalize without being seen? I wonder.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 14:52

YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 14:50

I think taking 3 months to replace the fence was taking the piss to be honest, even though it’s your fence.

I would just fix the fence appropriately, and not with ugly chicken wire just to make a point.

She was under no obligation to have it fixed at all.

Ffsmakeitstop · 16/10/2022 14:55

YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 14:50

I think taking 3 months to replace the fence was taking the piss to be honest, even though it’s your fence.

I would just fix the fence appropriately, and not with ugly chicken wire just to make a point.

As previously mentioned op is under no obligation to even have a fence.
As for the chicken wire cheeky neighbour is more than welcome to put his own fence up on his property. Op doesn't owe him a pretty fence.

bellabasset · 16/10/2022 14:59

I live in Cornwall, and this is the *fence I put up, it's hit and miss so the wind blows through it. This bit of my garden is in a windy area so if you have those narrow fence panels held in concrete posts they get wet and blow like sails in the wind and break. You can get trellis panels to slot in there and cover with bamboo. We've used this when some of the hedge died back.

*( my ndn's cat is climbing up to check the birds)

A garden fence one... with diagram
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:59

My role in 3 months to replace the fence panel was 2-3 weeks. The rest was the earliest delivery spot plus builders availability

OP posts: