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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A garden fence one... with diagram

58 replies

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 14:18

Sorry for War and Peace...

I am not sure what to do, if anything…

We moved in 2 years ago, the fence at the bottom of our garden is the side fence of our neighbours – the houses are at right angles and the back of our house faces the side of theirs. The fence is mine. I introduced myself when we moved in, they were frosty so I left it at that.

In the spring storm of 2021 a fence panel (1) blew down. It was the one nearest their house, so when I sat in the living room I could see into their patio area, which they used for smoking, so it was a bit intrusive, however, it was spring and they weren’t out there for long.

I told them over the gap when I saw them, to reassure them, that I would get it replaced. It took me 2-3 weeks to getting round to ordering it. The earliest delivery slot was in 5 weeks, and I don’t have a car.

I told them the delivery date when I next saw them over the gap. His response was ‘well, they are in stock at (other supplier) in a hostile tone.” I was a bit on the back foot at his response as I was trying to be friendly, so I just said it was delivery, not stock that was taking so long.

When I next saw them (by now I am not going out of my way to update them) I tols them the fence panels had arrived, and I was waiting for the builders to come and fit them. He asked when that would be, and I said in the next couple of weeks. Then added, as it occurred to me, that I couldn’t do it on my own (I am a single mother), but if he helped we could slot the panels in now and then the builders could secure them (they are the wooden panels that slot into concrete posts with a groove. His reply was “no, it’s OK”.

I then had a random man ring my doorbell, saying he had been told that I needed someone to sort out my fence. I said I already had someone lined up. The builder I was using told me that he had been tackled by the man next door while working on another neighbour’s drive, so prioritised the fence.

By then I was quite pi**ed off, so said he could take as long as he liked, but fortunately the builder was the adult in the room who said it is best not to annoy neighbours, and his men came and dealt with in within a couple of days.

A few weeks ago I noticed that the new(ish) fence panel (2) behind the garden shed was bulging into my garden, as if something heavy have been leant against it or it had been knocked by next door. The damage seemed minimal so I noted it but nothing needed to be done.

This morning I was in the front garden doing some work. After a few minutes I realised I had heard a lot of (seemingly distant) barking, so went to see if it was DDog. Sometimes their cat sits on the garage roof and won’t move, and sometimes foxes sit the other side of the railway fence and won’t move. DDog is small and rather a scaredy cat, so does her best to protect the garden but without much success.

It turned out that the fence panel had broken down quite a bit, DDog had managed to get through, and the neighbour was standing in their back door and DDog in their garden barking at him. I called her back at once and he complained about the broken fence panel.

I said that it seemed to have been damaged from his side, he said it was my fence.

I then told him I have no legal responsibility to provide a fence, he responded “well, take it all down then”. Sadly, it didn’t occur to me to tell him to grow up, and anyway, I was still trying to be conciliatory.

He then said “Don’t take 6 months like you did last time” at which point I lost my temper and said “it’s my fence, I’ll take as long as I f*ing like”.

Now, it is my responsibility to make sure DDog can’t get into the garden. I hadn’t realised the fence had broken that much, and have secured it with chicken wire.
But I don’t want to have to replace a fence panel after 18 months, let alone when it looks as if it was damaged by next door. If they were friendly about it then I would probably replace it to keep on good terms, but I have tried to keep on good terms and had nothing but entitled pric*ery back.

AIBU to ensure DDog is secure in my garden, and not worry about how the panel looks from their side? It is behind my garden shed, so the view doesn’t bother me.

Surely the obvious thing would have been to come round and say "the panel is broken, and your dog is in our garden. Please retrieve your dog and make sure they can't get through again"?

A garden fence one... with diagram
OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:00

To clarify, I have left the damaged fence panel. I have put chicken wire my side to keep DDog in.

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:01

bellabasset · 16/10/2022 14:59

I live in Cornwall, and this is the *fence I put up, it's hit and miss so the wind blows through it. This bit of my garden is in a windy area so if you have those narrow fence panels held in concrete posts they get wet and blow like sails in the wind and break. You can get trellis panels to slot in there and cover with bamboo. We've used this when some of the hedge died back.

*( my ndn's cat is climbing up to check the birds)

Love the cat pic!

OP posts:
Eupraxia · 16/10/2022 15:02

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:00

To clarify, I have left the damaged fence panel. I have put chicken wire my side to keep DDog in.

You've done enough then.

If they are not happy they can put a fence up on their side of the boundary line.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:02

A fence panel is £30-40? But then I need to have it delivered, and then I can't put it in single handed. So it is quite pricey to replace one every 18 months

OP posts:
rwalker · 16/10/2022 15:05

My fence panels bow due to the direction of the wind nothing ever placed against them

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:05

Thanks everyone. I hate being on bad terms with my neighbours, and know I need to keep DDog in.

But have reached the point of feeling I am being taken for a ride by people who are not interested in a mutually respectful neighbours relationship.

OP posts:
Friday123 · 16/10/2022 15:08

I wouldn't fix it if it isn't bothering you. It's not long since you replaced it and most people are struggling for money at the moment so he's inconsiderate to even be suggesting it needs replacing (but fair to ask you to make it secure for your dog, which you are doing). As you say, you don't even have to have a fence if you don't want one. He is welcome to put up his own on his side if he wants.

I'd love to see what he'd think of my broken, battered old fence 😂It's very far down my list of priorities!

CourtneeLuv · 16/10/2022 15:08

As long as the dog can't get out, I wouldn't do anything further. Unless it was to make the fence uglier. Fuck the entitled cunts.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:10

rwalker · 16/10/2022 15:05

My fence panels bow due to the direction of the wind nothing ever placed against them

It is the only fence panel affected. It might have been a faulty one of course, I haven't seen them lean anything against it, but then it's the side of DD's bedroom window, so I can't see it as a rule (and behind the garden shed from the ground floor)

OP posts:
SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 16/10/2022 15:24

Secure the garden for the dog and let them look at the broken fence and ponder how different things could have been if they weren't cunts.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:24

Thinking back, his response to 'it looks like it was damaged from your side' wasn't 'we haven't done anything to damage it'

It was 'it's your fence so you responsibility'

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:26

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 16/10/2022 15:24

Secure the garden for the dog and let them look at the broken fence and ponder how different things could have been if they weren't cunts.

Sadly I don't think people learn like that! They will harden their antagonism towards me.

But, I will dog proof the fence and the cosmetics are not my concern

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 15:27

And my friends will enjoy the thought of me getting to the point of swearing at someone!

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 15:40

Is the fence fully on your property or on he boundary line.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 16:08

Don't know, but the deeds show it is my fence

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 16:08

And he made the point it is my fence

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 16/10/2022 16:23

As long as your containing your dog it doesn’t matter what it looks like. I’d just chicken wire it. It’s behind your shed so not an eye saw for you.

your under no obligation to actually have a fence anyway just to control your dog.

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 16:29

To add fuel to my fire, they have just had an extension built. Their conservatory extends beyond fence panel 1, and because the houses are built higher than the gardens, overlooks our garden and living room.

Fence panel 1 and the neighbouring panel are only 1.5m plus gravel board, the others (for some reason, and I replaced like for like) the posts and other panels are 1.8m. I considered suggesting I swap the 1.5 panels for the 1.8 panels, but they have been so difficult I avoided it...

So I can see into their conservatory - which doesn't bother me, I would rather it wasn't there but it is within permitted development so I live with it - but seems to bother them!

OP posts:
yerdaindicatesonbends · 16/10/2022 16:36

Ah sounds like a bit of a nightmare OP and you have my sympathies. I was in a vaguely similar situation where I was blasted all over the local Facebook page because it wasn’t fixed in 48 hours! I think what you’ve done is fine, as long as dog can’t get out and you’re not bothered by how it looks then it’s all good!

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/10/2022 16:37

If they don't like being overlooked, they can put blinds up in their conservatory. Or plant shrubs along the fence that will grow higher than the fence. Or you could plant shrubs along your side, that would be nice wouldn't it? Nice big flowering evergreen shrubs (NOT bamboo, don't go there), so you see those instead of grouchy neighbour face.

Zingy123 · 16/10/2022 16:53

You took far too long to get it sorted no wonder they are annoyed at you.

Pixiedust1234 · 16/10/2022 16:55

Make your garden dog proof. Fix the panel as and when you feel like it, or wait until another needs replacing. It will be storms and high winds in January so who knows (sorry op).

Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 17:01

Zingy123 · 16/10/2022 16:53

You took far too long to get it sorted no wonder they are annoyed at you.

2-3 weeks to place the order?

OP posts:
Sigma33 · 16/10/2022 17:02

Maybe I did. Maybe I expect other people to be too similar to me, knowing it is in process

OP posts:
caringcarer · 16/10/2022 17:30

You need a gravel board at bottom of fence. It is concrete and protects the fence as higher up.

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