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AIBU?

AIBU to think 'sensible' is being used as an insult

28 replies

worredimboring · 16/10/2022 09:40

I was in the pub last night and a friends Mum who was really pissed said I reminded her of her own mum, being disapproving and looking my nose down at people as I was so sensible. I felt really hurt by this and have no idea where this has come from. AIBU to say anything to my friend about it?

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Am I being unreasonable?

24 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
38%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 09:42

Why? Is your friend responsible for her mothers behaviour? Do you want her to be or feel bad about it even though she can’t control her mother?

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Gymrabbit · 16/10/2022 09:42

Why do you care what your friend’s mum thinks?
It is a insult but since it’s from an undignified piss head I wouldn’t take any notice if I were you!

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Dotcheck · 16/10/2022 09:43

Let it go.
She was pissed, she isn’t your friend, or anything to you, really.
You may remind her of her mum, ( you could look similar), but that doesn’t mean you are the same.

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Gatehouse77 · 16/10/2022 09:43

She's projecting her own issues on to you. It's up to you if you take them on...you can shrug them off as drunk talk...

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Hotandbothereds · 16/10/2022 09:43

It’s not your friends fault her mum said this, what prompted it?

Sounds like an odd thing to come out with out of the blue, what was the context?

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Ekátn · 16/10/2022 09:43

Theres so many words that can be used in a positive or negative way. Depending on how it’s said.

I think ‘sensible’ has been a code word for ‘boring’ for years, it’s not recent. Usually by people who are dicks, tbh.

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Aprilx · 16/10/2022 09:44

I wouldn’t find being called sensible an insult. But being told that I am disapproving and looking down on people would be. I am a bit confused that you see these two things as being the same thing.

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Poetnojo · 16/10/2022 09:46

Why would you even mention it to your friend? Unless of course you want your friend to be annoyed with her mother and maybe argue over it. I'd leave it if it was me.

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Aprilx · 16/10/2022 09:47

Why do so many posters think the mother said something. Read the post!

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worredimboring · 16/10/2022 09:48

No - I realise it's not my friends fault! I won't be taking it out on him, I'm just unsure what to do as we are all meeting up today.
And I don't see sensible and looking down on people as the same thing, but that is what she equated it as - she said I'm sensible and it reminds her of her Mum who was disapproving towards people. Honestly, I've no idea where is has come from other than I'm not a huge drinker and I once had to firmly say no when she offered me vodka twice and I decided as I was driving.

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worredimboring · 16/10/2022 09:49

*declined as I was driving

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YellowTreeHouse · 16/10/2022 09:49

Aprilx · 16/10/2022 09:47

Why do so many posters think the mother said something. Read the post!

Because she did. You need to read the post:

I was in the pub last night and a friends Mum who was really pissed said

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OnTheBrinkOfChange · 16/10/2022 09:53

Never take any notice of anything that a pisshead says. You make her feel that getting off her head isn't a good idea so she has another drink and blames you.

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Ekátn · 16/10/2022 09:56

worredimboring · 16/10/2022 09:48

No - I realise it's not my friends fault! I won't be taking it out on him, I'm just unsure what to do as we are all meeting up today.
And I don't see sensible and looking down on people as the same thing, but that is what she equated it as - she said I'm sensible and it reminds her of her Mum who was disapproving towards people. Honestly, I've no idea where is has come from other than I'm not a huge drinker and I once had to firmly say no when she offered me vodka twice and I decided as I was driving.

Then she is one of these people who believes you not doing something she is doing must automatically mean you disapprove of her doing it.

It happens a lot around the subject of drinking alcohol. People often assume if you are not drinking or don’t drink you must disapprove and look down at them. And be boring.

It, often comes from people whose life’s include alot of alcohol.

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Oliverfunyuns · 16/10/2022 09:57

Based solely on what you've written so far, I'd take it to mean that she's one of those odd people who are threatened or unreasonably annoyed by someone else's choice to remain sober, or even relatively sober.

I'd try to let it go. You haven't done anything wrong, and she may not have meant any harm. If she continues to behave strangely toward you, then you may want to address it with your friend, but I'd only bother if I knew I'd be spending a great deal of time with your friend's mother and if it's obvious she has a problem with you. You need more time and interactions to make that determination.

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wackamole · 16/10/2022 10:04

I suppose if you said "I'm not drinking as I'll be driving home" and she was planning to drive despite being drunk, she may have felt your "sensible" decision/comment was a judgement on her. But if that's the case, then let's all be sensible! Really, though, it sounds like she's projecting - it doesn't sound like you prevented her from drinking or commented negatively about it.

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SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 16/10/2022 10:08

She wanted you to drink so she’d feel better about her own drinking. Ignore her, it’s all about her own issues and nothing to do with you.

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Dacquoise · 16/10/2022 10:08

Drunk people can be dicks. People can also project onto other people, parts of their own personality that they dislike, probably her lack of discipline around drink She obviously saw you as an easy target for her vitriol. Try not to take it to heart and steer clear of her if you can. She's not worth the energy.

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Sparklesocks · 16/10/2022 10:14

People say all sorts of things when they’re pissed with varying degrees of sincerity. And some people, even sober, can’t fathom why not everyone lives their lives in the same way they do (I like a drink so why doesn’t she?? Etc). I know it’s easier said than done but don’t let it get to you because you can only control your own behaviour and actions, what someone thinks of you, drunk or otherwise, doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things.

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worredimboring · 16/10/2022 10:17

I was drinking last night - the comment around declining alcohol when driving was around a year ago when I went round to watch a sporting event with some friends there and I couldn't be bothered to walk 45 minutes instead of just being sober.
It's probably just because I don't drink much that she has a problem. It's my own insecurities that I need to address around others thoughts of me. Thanks everyone.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 16/10/2022 10:19

It’s nothing to do with your friend though is it? Just forget it, she was just being a drunk twat.

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Theroad · 16/10/2022 10:24

It was an insult and it's a common one too. Usually comes from people who feel that you not partaking is somehow the same as you judging them. She's projecting her own insecurities- or resentment of her mother onto you.

Unless you really are someone who looks down their nose at people of course! I have a friend of a friend who I'm occasionally in company with and she is "sensible" (dull) and likes to stay sober and watchful all night so that the next day she can relate back all the things her friends did "wrong" in her view. She's a busybody who knows everything about everyone but is over the top private about her own life. It's tedious and I find her immensely irritating but even so I wouldn't actually say it to her I just avoid her as much as possible. So your friends mum was quite rude regardless!

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worredimboring · 16/10/2022 10:27

Oh god know, I'm not judgemental of what the others are doing (at least I hope not). I've had my fair share of embarrassing moments after a few too many. I'm just currently studying + working full-time and have some health issues which means hangovers just aren't worth it at the moment. I've never really enjoyed clubbing either, but that's just who I am. After 4 years at uni, I swore off clubs at 22 😆But I will go along sometimes!

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Theblacksheepandme · 16/10/2022 10:28

I would actually say something to her. She was rude to you regardless of being drunk or not. Give your friend a heads up on what she said to you and that you are going to say something about it. I am a firm believer that if someone acted like a dick when drunk that they need to be told how hurtful their behaviour was when they're sober. She may not give a shit and tell you she was only joking but at least you have told her that sober or drunk, speaking to you like this is unacceptable.

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FleeUpFreeTime · 16/10/2022 10:32

I was told by a colleague that she found it annoying that I ‘conform at work!!! Of course I do daft cow, she was so annoyed she reported me 🤣🤣

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