To think Mumsnet makes you more anxious?

[Mrandmrsbrown]

While it’s great if you have a specific question or concern, I’ve realised that general browsing on mumsnet leaves me feeling anxious/wound up. Has anyone else found this? Can’t quite work out why but I think I definitely need to wean myself off it/ restrict my time on here.

On the contrary, I find Mumsnet enjoyable recreation.

I love the knowledge and expertise of the vipers, I often find AIBU funny (because people are all batshit in our own special ways) and I like hearing from people with perspectives and backgrounds very different from my own.

And the parking diagrams, obviously 😉

Twitter and Facebook and news websites make me miserable or anxious, Mumsnet is an antedote to that.

As for the ‘anti trans’ thing someone mentioned, it’s just pro women and I like that. Safe spaces and fairness in sport for women/girls and protecting children from making decisions at a young age which have life long consequences.

I agree with you and I am GC myself.

But I think it would be disingenuous to suggest that there isn't an element of anti-trans sentiment here.

It's moderated out, but it's here.

This

I am all for live and let live but the insistence of some trans people on using women's toilets or participating in women's sport is insidious

As for the bullying lesbians get from some quarters it is downright disgusting

I think I definitely need to wean myself off it/ restrict my time on here.

I keep trying to do this.

I joined when it was a big site already - young toddlers now all teens - came from another big site which had gone very echo chamber and anti science - I think it's gone entirely now. MN changed since then much less humor.

It can be strangely for a parent site very negative about parenting, teens especially, and often about life in general - some posters seem almost gleeful that thinks may get worse.

I do fine the FWR boards informative - though were we are is depressing.

I think if there was somewhere obvious to go like last time I'd already be gone.

I find it to be helpful sometimes but it also highlights the sheer inability of some people to make decisions themselves.

I just roll my eyes at any mention of MN being 'anti trans'.

What bollocks. It's just that this sacred caste is so unquestioningly promoted and protected online in every other site that even anyone raising the gentlest concerns gets screamed at that they are Transphobes. This term is hurled at anyone and everyone to the point it's literally meaningless. The fact that legitimate safeguarding questions get called transphobic should make everyone pause and reflect why that might be. Who stands to gain from shutting down any and all questions? Not children (especially autistic and / or gay children, particularly girls). Not women.

If anything MN's willingness to allow grown up discussion is what keeps me here. The threads that get me down are the ones that are horribly sneery and ablist. People who genuinely don't seem to understand that others experience the world differently and have different challenges to overcome.

It makes me roll my eyes and sometimes laugh but that's it.

As a general online space I don't think it does. Sites like Reddit - as much as I love it I can only manage in small doses, similarly to Twitter. But mumsnet not so much. It's almost always something to do with someone's husband, friend or relative doing something absurd.

It has upset me.. I've logged out in tears once after being mocked / attacked.. but on the other hand, it's entertaining most of the time, & ideal for someone like me who prefers people at arms length rather than being surrounded by them in real life!
I do find it hard to understand the absolute fury of some posters, like a post that should have been just taken down now at the Op's request. Why are some folk so cruel & utterly thoughtless?

It's odd, different people's perspectives. The one thing i find stressful on MN is all the threads of e.g. exhausted mum at her wits end, 1 year old BF hourly through the night etc etc, and being told its normal and to keep going. The experience of my kids over 10 years is that there is absolutely merit in sleep training (and gentler forms are available!!) but any alternative viewpoint is shouted down as causing irreparable damage to your child. For me it's bizarre and defies any type of logic.

yes Been on here since 2002 but left May 2020 and only come back recently I couldn’t handle being on here during Covid times

In my case it’s the other way round. It makes me realise how very very fortunate I am, despite all the usual niggles in my life. Which perhaps smacks of voyeurism but I hope also makes me more aware of other people outside of my own bubble.

Couldn't agree more.

The bitterness and ugliness is really sad, but in a way I want to see it? This is how some people are really feeling inside; they are broken and hurting and full of pain and rage. It is ugly but it is also true. These broken people are hidden in real life, and all this is just boiling inside them. I do feel really sorry for them. The people that can't answer their door or be generous to anyone or let anything go. Who have lists of their enemies and say they cannot trust anyone and read huge insults into the inattention or misspeakings of others. It must be really hard to live like that.

Nobody says these things to me in real life. People are really lovely to me, most of the time, to be honest. I am living in a much kinder, happier world than the online one. But the angry people on here are also in real life, just ignored and alone in their houses. Maybe it's sort of a good thing we hear them?

The Long COVID thread did slightly

It makes me feel very anxious. I need to leave but the nights and days on maternity leave with only a baby for company 90% of the time is lonely and there is a lot of time to fill.
There seems to be a certain standard to live up to and that makes me feel bad. Likewise unless your partner is perfect then he is treating you badly and you should leave. DP is just an average man with flaws but MN would see him as terrible and I think that leads to uncertainty that wouldn't otherwise be there.
There is also a feeling of everyone else being against you. All in-laws/colleagues/school mums/ friends are painted as nasty or stupid or mean. Unless you earn six figures or went to oxbridge then you don't fit in.

unless your partner is perfect then he is treating you badly and you should leave. DP is just an average man with flaws but MN would see him as terrible

I don’t think that’s true at all. Everyone has flaws and most of us know that. The only men that posters almost unanimously say are terrible are those that are in emotionally, physically or financially abusive.

When women post about one off incidents that they’re pissed about, I think mumsnet is generally sensible. If everyone on a thread thinks the woman’s partner is terrible, he will be.

I agree, I can’t bear the knee jerk “I would be making plans to leave” when anyone has a relationship challenge. We all need to work on having better relationships. It should be supported.
(of course, anyone in an abusive relationship should be making plans to leave, just putting that here)

That’s funny, I’ve seen loads of what you describe (crap parenting with no boundaries and parents at wits end) in real life, but on MN it seems to me there is more of the opposite (harsh, parent-centred advice).

I find it depressing to see that so many of us accept - often, can't even see - misogyny in men. Whether it's overt, in obviously sexist attitudes, or covert, in talking the equality talk but not actually doing, without being 'nagged', their half of the doing, caring, organising and thinking which is parenting and running an adult home. Or in the middle, for eg. looking the other way at the likelihood that most women in porn are at best economically vulnerable.

No been on here long enough not to take any notice.

Netmums is definitely much nicer.

I can find it a bit depressing. I think I’m a bit addicted though and if I were to put my phone down and do something else, like read a book or create something, I’d be a lot less gloomy.

Its a vicious circle because I often feel tired and overwhelmed after work then fall down a MN hole because I’m too tired or overwhelmed to bother doing something more constructive.

It’s free, readily available and easy to drift aimlessly into. It makes me feel a bit less lonely too, and I have made some wonderful friends through here over the years. It can be a bit of a joy sucker though.

Yes. Virtually every minute I spend on mumsnet is either reading about other people's problems and worries, or reading people being unpleasant and nasty. I honestly think it's affecting my mental health to a degree.

It can't be good for us to be reading negative and stressful stuff all the time. Yes there are some good and supportive threads, but in the main, it's a place where people bring their problems. We wouldn't hang around any real life place where people only dumped their problems or got into unpleasant and personal spats

Twice I've intended to leave but got sucked back in. I'm hoping that my third time will be luckier.