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To sometimes feel I need an adult, then realise I am one?!

74 replies

Buttonmoonmrspoon · 15/10/2022 23:06

Does anyone ever find in some situations that they feel they need an adult for help or support, and feel that they’re not old enough / mature enough / smart enough to manage the situation? Then realise that they’re an adult, and probably the same age as others were when they used to think of grown ups being responsible and able to cope?

Not sure if that makes any sense but I know what I’m trying to say!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

128 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
TheRookie · 15/10/2022 23:08

Oh yes for sure! In those instances, I usually call my parents 😂

Curiosity101 · 15/10/2022 23:10

I regularly look around for a more adulty adult

TinaYouFatLard · 15/10/2022 23:10

100% yes.

HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 23:11

No. I’ve been standing on my own two since I was much younger than most. I’m vehemently the opposite. I need to do things myself. I never take help never mind ask for it and I just get on with whatever’s thrown at me. Any suggestion of help will probably get your head bitten off and I need to work on that a wee bit. I was living independently at sixteen and married and running a house at 19 and I sometimes find myself with my friends older kids going wtf? Why can’t you cope with this?

RoseMartha · 15/10/2022 23:12

Yes but unfortunately there never is anyone and I muddle through it.

Sometimes I would like someone to say to me. 'It's okay Rose I've got this, you can go.'

Ricardothesnowman · 15/10/2022 23:29

Yes, I'm still waiting to become an adult.

Even though I'm 50 and manage a team of 30 in v responsible job, sometimes I just want grown up to take over, especially with things like going up to the loft or doing the gardening

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 15/10/2022 23:44

Yep dd (19) laughs at me sometimes and says I’m trying to find an adultier adult, which in my case is usually dh. When I hear dh give his date of birth for any reason I’m always a bit shocked then remember I’m a couple of weeks older.
i remember the dc’s teachers at primary with their call me Allan, Ruth, Jill etc and I would be 😮

CoodleMoodle · 15/10/2022 23:44

Absolutely! If DH is out for awhile and I'm on my own with the kids, I wonder how the hell I'm supposed to look after them all by myself. Who gave me this level of responsibility that I'm clearly not ready for!?

But I've been a SAHM for eight years! I have them by myself most afternoons and plenty of days in the holidays, and I always manage to make sure they're dressed, fed, reasonably entertained, etc. I'd say I do 80% of the childcare on an average day, more before they started school.

Maybe it's because DH has been WFH for a couple of years, and he's always in the house even if he's not present. So when he's not here at all (like today, DH has been out since lunchtime) I really am all on my own with them. It doesn't happen often at all and it feels weird when it does.

EmmaH2022 · 16/10/2022 00:07

Honestly OP?

I am 46 and have been adulting away happily until...about three weeks ago.

I suddenly just feel like I want help with absolutely everything and I don't know why I suddenly feel like this. And I have no one to ask, but it would be a hell of an ask...

Singlebutmarried · 16/10/2022 00:09

Yup. If anyone knows where anyone responsible lives send them my way.

I’ve had enough of being a grown up now.

Coffeeisnecessary · 16/10/2022 00:13

Yes. When my dh became badly unwell and hospitalised on a family holiday I kept wondering when the proper grown ups would show up to help me with everything. It took a lot to realise I had to be that grown up, it wasn't fun but also was liberating in a way to realise I could cope sometimes!

EmmaH2022 · 16/10/2022 00:16

Singlebutmarried · 16/10/2022 00:09

Yup. If anyone knows where anyone responsible lives send them my way.

I’ve had enough of being a grown up now.

You know sometimes you hear about people who like "projects"? I could use one of those people right now.

Ahnobother · 16/10/2022 00:18

Yes. When there are very large spiders in the house and also when one of the kids needs proper advice from a grown up.
I keep thinking, gosh, is it really me?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 16/10/2022 00:22

I think we all need a bit of guidance or reassurance at times in need.

At times I feel like a vulnerable minor
now my parents have gone, I've to remind myself that I'm a grown up.

It having the security of someone having your back.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 16/10/2022 00:24

@EmmaH2022 Peri-menopause. 🙈

Theroad · 16/10/2022 00:25

Yes! I've felt this way since having DC - I used to be quite self sufficient up until then but it's easier when you only have yourself to look after. I find I absolutely hate the responsibility of parenthood. Of being a "proper" adult. I love my children deeply but I simply don't possess the stamina required to be an adult all the time. I frequently dream of someone sweeping in and taking over all the responsibilities. I live a long way from family but when my mum comes to stay it's such a joy to have her take the reigns to an extent. When she's here and sharing the load (telling me what to do 😆) I can literally feel myself physically and mentally unclench! Now if only I could convince her to move in permanently...

Floweryflora · 16/10/2022 00:25

how 0ld are you op? I think this is fine and normal in your twenties but as you age past that, not so much.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 16/10/2022 00:26

Yes? Especially when dealing with a newborn. I missed my mother so very much then. Still do, actually.

And, ironically, when my my mum was terminally ill with cancer, she told me how much she wanted her mum there for her too. (Although, she did say I was the next best thing which is now making me very teary.)

Theroad · 16/10/2022 00:29


My granny was the same when she was terminally ill. She kept asking for her mother who had died 30 years previously. The maternal bond can be so strong.

Linnet · 16/10/2022 00:32

At the moment there is stuff happening in our family and I’m the nearest “grown up” in charge. Everyone I consider to be more grown up than me is is either hundreds of miles away or out of the country. I really don’t feel that I’m adult enough to be the
“grown up“ in charge

Selok · 16/10/2022 00:34

Absolutely, 100% yes, sometimes I think
i am still in the mindset of being young😅 I am 48 and I feel like I am still on my 20/30s and when I come across to some people's date of births then I realise I am the adult😃 somehow I don't feel like it and I still need guidance - I always wonder why this is

onlythreenow · 16/10/2022 00:34

I'm normally pretty self-sufficient and independent, but there times I feel the same OP - and I'm 63!

JusticeLover · 16/10/2022 00:39

Sounds like my husband who is a physician. When he was newly qualified he was in the hospital and was moving a patient with other staff. Suddenly the patient was in a medical emergency and the other staff all looked in his direction so he looked over his shoulder to see what that person was going to decide and there was noone there. Then he realized everyone was looking at him and he was the medic who had to make the decision. A big “oh shit” moment.

5foot5 · 16/10/2022 00:39

This reminds me of somebody I know who had a bad nose bleed when there was only her and her Dad in the house. Neither one knew what to do, but she remembered that her old Brownie manual had a section on first aid.

Her Dad got the manual and found the advice for a nose bleed and they followed the instructions for taking a firm grip and holding the head - back or forward? See, I can't remember which. But then the last instruction was to get an adult. They were a bit stymied with that one.

EmmaH2022 · 16/10/2022 01:10

EmeraldShamrock1 · 16/10/2022 00:24

@EmmaH2022 Peri-menopause. 🙈

Oh, do you think that's why I suddenly feel like this?

I'm good in emergencies, head of the family in spite of being the youngest, that's been the case for ages

but...recently I feel as if, outside work, all my efficiency has vanished. A pp mentioned noticing that friends' adult kids seem unable to cope. That used to annoy the crap out of me, I compare them to my 19 year old self and think WTAF.

now I feel sorry for them. And it is really about three weeks ago I thought, can someone please just do my domestics, finances, make the next set of career decisions for me. It's like my brain fell out.

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