So DH and I have been together for 25 years, both around 40 now with two DC.
I have health issues I have suffered from depression from a number of years when I was younger but DH was removed from the main handling of this as it was when I was in my teens. I again suffered from depression with suicidal thoughts following 5 mcs.
I miraculously had dc1 and 4 months after arrival also miraculously had conceived dc2. Dc2 pregnancy was more troubled as I had extensive sickness with long haul travel in t1; LBP and fainting in T2 and then finally suffered from SPD and AND in T3 and then pnd but all now recovered from for a number of years (youngest 4).
My DH has been amazing, I couldn't have done it without him. However sometimes I let him down with how heavily I relied on him and when he pointed out the strain on him, I've felt so bad.
This has gone on now for almost 4 years. We have amazing periods. For the record, I adore my DH, he is an amazing partner and father. However, I am starting to question if he is so amazing to me. He wakes super early and will put washings in; then remind me he picks up my slack.
He loves a clean kitchen and will want it sparkling all the time... But If I'm wfh and have time to come down and make the kids some food, if the dishwasher is on, I need to leave the plates stacked to go in. He will then make a big deal about the fact he cleaned the plates when they eventually go in. We have a cleaner though he does probably still do more housework than me. My working hours are longer than his though.
We had an argument 6 months ago where he told me I don't deserve him. We apologised and made up the next day.
But today, I've had the best day (at the moment I have 2 health issues, both referred to hospital. One because I stop breathing at night and I'm so tired all the time so I'm now not allowed to drive and the other because I've lost hearing in my ear and it apparently looks "grey and dull"). I woke up after a long lie,( 8.45) asked DH why he didn't wake me, he said he wanted me to have a rest (he'd been up with dcs since 7am). I offered for him to go back to bed and he said no.
We have had a day out with dcs and food with some alcohol, kids in bed early and watched TV. Right as we are turning off lights he tells me "you're on the early shift tomorrow since you've done fuck all today and I'll get a lie in".
I ask him what he means, repeat what he said this morning and then the fact I didn't hear the kids up because of the hearing issue.
He tells me I've always got some excuse and he doesn't buy my shit anymore, I can't drive with the sleep issue, he says that's so convenient for me to not help with drop offs for kids. Doesn't believe I don't hear the kids getting up and that I take advantage of him and that I just expect him to pick it up. Has said I clearly want to leave him (in fact it's him who has mentioned this 7 different times this year despite me saying I love him and want us to remain a family). I do not want to leave him.
He's told me to fuck off and just leave; I'm "not wanted. I won't even get the kids half the time" cause I do "fuck all for them" and my pnd will confirm that and to just get out the house.
So as not to drip feed my salary is 3x DH, he can't afford this house without me, I do lots for our kids (though he does the drop off and pick up from school as his work is less restrictive). I've had documented mh issues though with anxiety. When I said we should have some time apart following argument he told me, there was "no fucking way he was leaving the house, so I could just disappear'.
I don't want to split up... I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long. I'm in tears. Please don't be mean. But WIBU to think this is the end??