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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who just talk to fill silences

48 replies

Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:03

Is it just me or are the people just so exhausting to be around?!

I have a family member visiting, been here for 3 days and I haven’t really taken in a word she has said as I know she’s not actually bothered that I’m listening! It’s mostly about her friends, or neighbours who I don’t know.

It’s probably partly me as I just don’t care for small talk, and we don’t see each other very often. We have nothing in common so have nothing of interest to actually talk about. I guess I’d she didn’t talk then there’d probably just be empty silence.

I do still find it exhausting though, to be talked AT, rather than TO.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/10/2022 20:04

My mother, irs draining

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:04

Empty - awkward silence

OP posts:
Axolotlquestions · 15/10/2022 20:05

I find anyone who talks a lot exhausting. I don't even try to listen. I can't believe they even want a dialogue, so why bother?

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:05

FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/10/2022 20:04

My mother, irs draining

Ah, that makes me feel better! I was starting to feel like a bit of a birch for not making equal effort in talking back

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:05

They don’t want a dialogue, they just want to fill the silence

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 15/10/2022 20:05

I have to agree, I'm a lover of a comfortable silence. DH, DD and I all like our own company, and are all capable of sitting in happy, comfortable silence doing our own thing of an evening. I start getting very stabby around people who cannot cope with silence and just go on and on and on....

tobee · 15/10/2022 20:05

On the other hand I find people who just sit there and say nothing when they visit incredibly draining

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:06

VeridicalVagabond · 15/10/2022 20:05

I have to agree, I'm a lover of a comfortable silence. DH, DD and I all like our own company, and are all capable of sitting in happy, comfortable silence doing our own thing of an evening. I start getting very stabby around people who cannot cope with silence and just go on and on and on....

This is exactly how I am feeling!… Dh and I can very happily sit in a room or a long car journey together without speaking. Unless we actually have something to say

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 15/10/2022 20:08

It is annoying, but I also in my experience it sometimes happens because that person is anxious or not fully comfortable so babbles.

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:08

tobee · 15/10/2022 20:05

On the other hand I find people who just sit there and say nothing when they visit incredibly draining

Yeah, that’s fair enough… why bother visiting! I find talking constantly more bearable than not talking during a short visit of I’d say a couple of hours. But i still going constant talking much more tiring over time

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:11

3 days and I’m so grateful that they’re not staying at my house!… They’re staying locally and I’n in work during the day. My day in work is full on. I arrive home and they’re here and they’re just talking constantly! I haven’t even taken my coat off and they asking questions about Christmas plans!

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:12

I managed to spill the cafetière over this morning, coffee grains everywhere! Floor, walls, counter! Whilst I’m cleaning it up she’s talking at me, telling me about her neighbours bin that flew away!!

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 15/10/2022 20:14

Yes, my mother and MIL. It's very tiring. Although to be fair, they don't care if you aren't listening and if you start to speak they'll stop at once. They just can't understand the concept of companionable silence and seem uncomfortable if nobody is talking.

EmmaH2022 · 15/10/2022 20:14

OP please put Depeche Mode "Enjoy the silence" on just to see if they notice or react.

tickticksnooze · 15/10/2022 20:16

tobee · 15/10/2022 20:05

On the other hand I find people who just sit there and say nothing when they visit incredibly draining

Why?

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:18

EmmaH2022 · 15/10/2022 20:14

OP please put Depeche Mode "Enjoy the silence" on just to see if they notice or react.

🤣 i will

OP posts:
Soapboxqueen · 15/10/2022 20:18

I'm a talker. I'm not nervous or anything. Just like to chat.

Now, to me this can be an issue when staying with others because everybody has different ideas about what is rude/ok/too much.

It can be really hard to gauge. Do I sit in silence staring at a wall? Is getting my phone or book out the wrong thing? Is going somewhere else (eg room or out) a better option?

People can get really huffy if they think you aren't being sociable enough and this is doubly so if you are known as a talker as people will assume you are in a foul mood if you aren't chatty.

I'm lucky that my whole family are chatters so it usually isn't an issue but at the same time, they wouldn't be upset if I sat reading etc

ZeldaFighter · 15/10/2022 20:19

I find quiet, uncommunicative people much harder to deal with. I talk a lot but then I think small talk is a skill and headphones/earphones are the work of the devil.

tickticksnooze · 15/10/2022 20:20

But talking is only one tiny aspect of communication.

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:30

I don’t have any issues having conversations or a pleasant time with anyone else.

It’s just this one person. She just talks about stuff I have no idea about, people I don’t know and stuff in their lives which is just so mundane and not worth noting… such as her hairdresser’s dog or her neighbours bin

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:32

I blew feel bad as I’ve just had a go at my 9 ye old for constantly trying to get my attention and all I want to do is sit and be quiet after a whole day of being talked at

OP posts:
Pumpkinspiceandallthingsnice · 15/10/2022 20:32

I like chatty people in general.

There is a time to be quiet, and I'm quite happy j my own company, but when I'm with others company I like to chat, I like to hear about peoples lives and what they've been up to, what they've been watching on tv or reading, what are their plans.

I don't understand the point of visiting someone just to sit on your phone or staring into space.

Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:33

Fucking auto correcting!!! Now, not blew!

I’m actually really pissed off and shattered from this person

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 15/10/2022 20:34

Pumpkinspiceandallthingsnice · 15/10/2022 20:32

I like chatty people in general.

There is a time to be quiet, and I'm quite happy j my own company, but when I'm with others company I like to chat, I like to hear about peoples lives and what they've been up to, what they've been watching on tv or reading, what are their plans.

I don't understand the point of visiting someone just to sit on your phone or staring into space.

I think it depends on whether you have anything in common with them, or whether you’re just thrown together due to family ties

OP posts:
Pumpkinspiceandallthingsnice · 15/10/2022 20:36

I know what you mean about people who just keep telling you completely mundane stuff about people you don't know like their neighbours cousins dog went to the vet.

I think some people are just very boring and shit at storytelling.