to struggle with 11 year old DD wanting to be vegetarian?

[DelilahEATS]

Not because I’m against the cause - I was vegetarian for most of my late teens and 20s BUT her diet is so so limited already as she will only eat plain food, no vegetables and hardly any sauces.

Shes always been incredibly fussy food wise ( and generally! ) and this has just got worse with age.

Suddenly last week she cried at dinner and said she can no longer eat meat as is too upset about the animals who die in the process.

She asked me to support her and do it with her - I think she has some control issues because she finds it hard to accept people think differently from her.

I hardly eat meat ( only chicken ) so this isn’t too hard for me but my biggest worry is her already very very limited diet.

She does eat fruit but dinners are now plain rice / potatoes with beans, cheese, chips, basically white foods every day.

Has anyone else been through this?

It sounds like she needs specialist help for a children's dietitian.

Does she not eat any vegetables? What are her safe meals?

My DC stopped eating meat at a similar age but still eats fish, which is helpful. It hasn’t been so bad but I don’t have particularly fussy eating to contend with.

Yes, and I solved it with home made sauces with blended veg, and a daily smoothie packed with stuff (including extra iron)

I didn't think ds would stick it, but 8 years on he's still a veggie.

🙄

Does she eat vegetables?

If she won't eat vegetables then I'm not sure being vegetarian makes much difference to her diet. Granted she isn't eating chicken any more but this can be substituted easily. Will she eat quorn ? Linda macartney stuff? And fruit? Tofu? Cashew nuts with noodles ? All quite bland.

DD was like this but her diet has seriously improved since she became a vegetarian and she eats better and more healthily than ever.
I explained to DD if she did this she would really have to eat more veggies and she agreed- and does!
In fact we all eat much less meat now too. My advice would be to avoid most meat substitutes such as Quorn etc and look at how you can just cook with vegetables abd pulses. I found it easier to cook vegetarian food and add meat for people who want it rather than the other way around if that makes sense

I went through this with DD 10, we made an agreement that if this was what she wanted I supported her but her body must get the nutrients it needed to grow. So we research together the options and she was willing to try new things to maintain balance. She took her vitamins every day, and her diet actually significantly improved.

After a few months she became pescatarian which was much easier.

I would support her and research the options together, she's old enough to understand the need to keep her growing body healthy

I'd try meat substitutes. Aldi do ultimate no beef burgers which are lovely and quorn nuggets are difficult to distinguish from chicken. The veg avoidance is a separate issue. Does she like cooking? Can you get her involved in making her own food or growing som veg if you have space? Maybe sneaking veg into the sauces she does eat?

Maybe sit down with your DD and meal plan together a vegetarian menu that's healthy. If she's aware enough to be bothered about the animals she should be able to take charge of her meal planning with your help. Make it a positive thing.

Use it as an opportunity to improve her diet by letting her know you will support her but it’s important she gets enough nutritions so you’ll need her to be open minded about trying new things.

My son became vegan when he was 15. I was concerned so looked at the problems and benefits. I decided that I'd be vegan too. Now after 32 years I am still vegan but my son eats meat although his wife is vegetarian.

Just let your daughter make her own choices about food.

Sorry to bring it up but any SEN OP? She seems to tick quite a few boxes for autism from what you described.

If your daughter doesn’t eat vegetables already I wouldn’t worry if she stops eating meat, that’s easy to replace now. Ideally you’d be wanting to replace meat with pulses etc. rather than processed foods, for example I don’t think chicken and quorn will have much in it in terms of nutrition.

Would this be an opportunity to encourage a wider range of vegetables/fruits/foods?

I think I would be inclined to make densely rich vegetable smooth pasta sauce (tomato based) which can be used with pasta or rice.

Is this more about not wanting to eat rather than not wanting to eat meat?

Your dd could be mine! She turned vegetarian (thanks school friend) about 4 years ago, and she doesn't eat any veg, hardly any fruit, no meat substitutes. Feeding her is impossible it's almost all carbs, she was under a dietician for 3 years but nothing has worked,dietician said she is happy with what she eats there's just no variety.
I however fell like we're failing massively, apart from cheese pizza, there is nothing she likes that makes a meal, so will eat egg and rice, egg and toast. But on top of that she can't cope with hearing people chew so we can't even eat together anymore, I don't remember the last time we went out for dinner as a family.

I have no advice but sympathy because it's bloody tough, and everyone tries to be helpful with their homemade sauce ideas which she won't touch because she won't eat sauce, or just get her to try new food, when she is physically sick every-time something new passes her lips. It's exhausting listening to people telling you how they would handle it when you know their suggestions won't work because you've already tied them!

I think I would make a deal that we can do this as long as she is able to plan a balanced meal planner for the entire week. Get her some info on what she needs from each food group and ask her to meal plan for a trial week first. Where does she get her protein, nutrients etc? She can't just eat carbs. Her not eating vegetables is far more restrictive than not eating meat.

This was me when I was 11. I mainly lived on jacket potatoes and bland processed food (think potato waffles, spaghetti on toast). My mum got me to take a multi vitamin every day but didn’t try forcing me to eat things I didn’t want to. As I got older I tried new things and over 30 years later I’m still a vegetarian, in great health and enjoy most vegetables and flavours (still love a potato waffle though!).

I’ve been the 11 year old DD who wanted to be vegetarian, and I would have been very disappointed in my parents if they hadn’t accommodated it. 25 years later I’m still vegetarian. I think you have to accommodate her.

I was a child who would only eat mars bars and proper hot dinners. I did survive ok but my dm used to panic so much. She did take me to the doctors who didn’t really care as he thought mars bars were a complete meal!!! Only back in the day ……

Sorry to bring it up but any SEN OP? She seems to tick quite a few boxes for autism from what you described

I know people love to diagnose others on little information but this one takes the absolute biscuit.

OP mine is a veggie and has a limited diet, she had a limited diet before she went veggie though anyway. She enjoys lots of meat replacement foods - it's been 2 years now and no problems.

Of course it does, meat and vegetables are where most of the nutrients our bodies need are. If she eats neither it's pretty disastrous.

I’d definitely help her as long as she made some dramatic changes to her diet. She needs to eat at least five fruit and veg a day. Only you know this, but do you think it’s really about animal welfare or is it a way of controlling and restricting her eating? Either way, I’d want to appear supportive and guide her into a more nutritious diet.

If she eats pulses that’s great. Loads of potential for protein rich healthy cheap filling meals. Not wanting to eat meat and fish is perfectly valid and deserves support. She needs to agree to planning her diet with you though, take vitamins, try new things and approach it in a mature way. Get her a nice veggie recipe book, there are loads around these days.