to struggle with 11 year old DD wanting to be vegetarian?

[DelilahEATS]

Not because I’m against the cause - I was vegetarian for most of my late teens and 20s BUT her diet is so so limited already as she will only eat plain food, no vegetables and hardly any sauces.

Shes always been incredibly fussy food wise ( and generally! ) and this has just got worse with age.

Suddenly last week she cried at dinner and said she can no longer eat meat as is too upset about the animals who die in the process.

She asked me to support her and do it with her - I think she has some control issues because she finds it hard to accept people think differently from her.

I hardly eat meat ( only chicken ) so this isn’t too hard for me but my biggest worry is her already very very limited diet.

She does eat fruit but dinners are now plain rice / potatoes with beans, cheese, chips, basically white foods every day.

Has anyone else been through this?

I wonder if this is more about food control meeting body issues rather than a path of discovery toward vegetarianism. I remember around that age my food issues began which were tied into my body changing and becoming hyper aware of that.

I come from a farming background, don’t have any problems with eating meat but was never a massive fan. I was a vegetarian through uni when I had a limited budget and realised the welfare standards of cheap meat weren’t the same as I was used to, and still only eat meat occasionally and for my entire life the majority of my diet has been white carbs and cheese and I’ve always been perfectly healthy.
I understand people are different and not everyone will fare as well, but assuming she’s a healthy weight and doesn’t tend towards overeating I’d just leave her to it. Tell her she needs to take a vitamin supplement if you’re concerned.

Us too.

dd asked to go veggie at 10 and is said, ok, but it you need to ensure you don’t miss out on nutrition

I don’t eat much meat, really only when we eat out with other people, and was happy to go veggie in the home with her. Except for her it had the opposite effect. She decided it all a bit much effort. On the plus side, her diet overall has improved now she know more about nutrition in general.

PIR eldest has been veggie since she was nine and was never keen on meat. For her it was/is the texture. She wasn’t keen on vegetables either, particularly not green ones. Looking back her diet until she was quite limited, but balanced enough for her to grow up and become less fussy.

She ate pasta in tomato sauce with some vegetables added (carrots, peppers, celery, onion), Vegetable chilli or hot pots. Same vegetables really. Lots of fruit. Beans on toast or baked bean omelette (grim but she liked it), vegetable soup and nice bread, pizza without cheese, vegetable curry, samosa sweet and sour vegetables and rice, rissotto etc. Root vegetable shepherds pie, thinking what else…baked potatoes, macaroni cheese, sweetcorn, things like egg and chips and salad sandwiches (we’ll cucumber mainly).

I think if you actually think about what she does eat, you’ll find ways to include most nutrients.

I'm vegetarian, so is one of my kids. DH isn't but likes my vegetarian meals so most of our dinners are vegetarian. We eat a varied, nutritious, interesting diet.

Your daughter clearly has food issues that are nothing to do with not wanting to eat meat. There's info on feeding vegetarian kids online e.g. from the Vegetarian Society. But if she won't eat a lot of ingredients a visit to a dietitian sounds wise.

@LSSG meat is not one of the main foods you need for nutrition, you need protein/iron/B12 etc. all of which are available from plant based foods. I eat meat but it’s not essential and for this child there will be no difference to her overall nutrition from her eating some quorn chicken rather than a chicken breast that she doesn’t want to eat and makes her upset.

Yes the key is hiding vegetablesbin sauces etc so she gets the goodness without the guilt.

What's the eye roll for?

I'm veggie. Absolutely recommend a multivitamin. I'd also look at all sorts of meat replacements and also beans and lentils. You can get these in so many forms. Seitan pieces are also absolutely lovely ( I get frozen pieces from Waitrose and they are very, very nice).

I didn't say she had to eat meat, of course not - but that eating neither meat nor vegetables would be pretty bad health-wise, ie understanding where the op is coming from. Quorn is a bit of a UPF and pretty lacking in nutrition I'd have thought.

I'm sure as others have said the answer is to find some whole food plant based options she will eat.

Yes. One of mine went vegetarian around that age and then full blown vegan.
It was my responsibility to ensure their diet was nutritious even without meat (and later all animal products). It was difficult but I supported them. Even got them on a multi-vitamin as well especially Vit D for growing bones.

They’d cheat though. Like I’d have roast chicken in the fridge, and it would disappear overnight, or we’d have bacon one day and they’d snatch a piece and eat it. We just sort of looked the other way, didn’t lecture them.

Eventually they dropped being vegan and vegetarian because they felt they lost a lot of energy and didn’t feel very well. They saw the GP and the GP said that while their diet wasn’t deficient per se, a vegetarian or vegan diet cannot include all the nutrients you need, and many people cannot go vegan or vegetarian because not everyone can absorb nutrients from multi-vitamins or supplements very well.

@Discovereads but tbf, gps did go through a phase of telling people vegetarian diets were nutritionally deficient, and it was as ungrounded then as it is now. I had a midwife try and tell me similar when she heard I ate the equivalent of one or two portions of meat a week, but she was unable to point out anything to indicate I was lacking anything.
Granted, I think it’s perfectly possible that in western countries a vegan that wasn’t either taking supplements or carefully balancing their diet could be deficient in some areas, but the fact remains that many people across the globe have perfectly balanced diets without consuming animal products regularly.
We’ve just become conditioned to believe only certain diets are healthy. Eg eating mainly meat and fish wouldn’t be healthy if you shop at Tesco. But done like some native populations it’s perfectly healthy.

I'd do some education with her about diet and what our bodies need to be strong and healthy. If you know someone who is vegetarian and who eats well maybe they could talk to her about how they plan out their diet (or you could ask gp to link in with a children's dietician) as it does take a bit more thought than what you aren't going to eat. I would start from that perspective and see if that encourages her to start adding in or trying some new foods and get her involved in the cooking process too.

Sorry to bring it up but any SEN OP? She seems to tick quite a few boxes for autism from what you described. Yes I was going to say this too. The eating habits are so similar to my DD and she is diagnosed. She doesn’t like different foods mixing and the options of what doesn’t make her feel physically sick is a bit limited.

@Theroad came to say the same thing

Struggling to see others’ viewpoints and wanting them to think the same isn’t necessarily control with intent but sounds more like lack of social awareness. Vegetarianism, veganism and other dietary choices chosen at a younger age correlates with neurodiversity esp in girls and women. The signs are different. Why is she fussy? Is it a taste thing or more to do with the texture of foods?

All you can do is support her, you know how it is to be veggie yourself. Will she have pasta sauces with blended veg in, smoothies? Meat won’t provide anything veggie alternatives don’t

Like PP have suggested, I would use it to get her to think about nutrition more. Say yes, but set up some ground rules and get her to plan meals with you. It could be a really positive step in getting her to understand food and eat better. I don't think saying no is going to help her eating issues: it just makes it another battle and makes it more likely that she will refuse to eat.

I've been mostly pescetarian for a long time, and my mum basically talked me into that over vegetarianism with a discussion of nutrition. That gave me time to expand my very limited fish likes.

My daughter went vegetarian on her 7th birthday. She has been vegetarian 12 years at Christmas. Purely on the not killing animals viewpoint. She has increased her food variety and the supermarket cater so much better than when she stopped eating meat all those years ago.
We now eat vegetarian a couple of days a week too. I would never ask a vegetarian to eat meat. This applies to young family members too.

Hidden veggies and protein in sauces is your best bet. I make my DD a pasta sauce with veggies and lentils in it and can be used as pizza sauce as well.
meat alternatives are also a good shout and you can get them everywhere, you might just need to explain that it’s not actually meat as they may be put off by the meat like texture/ taste

At 11 don’t try hiding stuff in sauces etc. By all means tell her you’re disguising it, but if she genuinely hates the taste or texture trying to trick her will be counterproductive.
My mum tried similar and it just made me very suspicious of sauces and new recipes if I couldn’t see the ingredients beforehand. I wouldn’t eat any form of stew or casserole until I was in my 20’s because I expected to find nasty bits of meat hiding in a mouthful of potatoes, or overcooked veg loitering in a sauce.
It made me eat less at meal times for the safer option of filling up on toast and sandwiches.

Is your daughter me?
honestly my mum could have written this post (many) years ago.

ultimately you're the parent it is ok to say this won't work unless you can try one things (my mum did in the end) just also add you like the idea it just won't work in practice unless...

I was told I could go vegetarian again when I could shop and cook for myself (and I did)

try new things sorry

Both my dds have been vegetarian their whole lives, eldest is now vegan as am I. The eldest was much like your daughter, didn't really eat fruit and limited veg; cucumber, broccoli and baked beans was the limit until she was 16. I'd say there were probably about 7 meals she'd eat during this time- always quite beige and boring (jacket potato, macaroni cheese, pizza, tomato pasta with cheese etc)

However, she is perfectly healthy and always had a far better immune system than her younger sister who ate fruit and veg like it was going out of fashion, yet picked up every cold/virus/stomach bug going.

Eldest now eats a perfectly balanced diet as a vegan with a variety of vegetables... she's still not that keen on fruit but will eat the odd apple, plus strawberries when they are in season and delicious. She's early 20s now and has suffered no ill effects from her faddy eating years.

@90sfilmsforever "She's early 20s now and has suffered no ill effects from her faddy eating years."

great to hear this my eldest is an autistic lifelong vegetarian but getting him to eat well has always been a challenge.

Blend veg into sauces eg tomato sauces.

Lentils is a great protein substitute - it's very bland so should work for your DD. The red split ones don't need pre soaking.

I’d explain to her she needs to eat a more varied diet to vibe veggie, possibly a 3 to 6 months transfer period while she experiments for what works for her, while she at least seats fish. She needs to start eating her 5 fruit and veg a day, or no dice.