AIBU to accept the money

[Gruzzpuzz]

MIL is moving in with her BF who she has been with for 7 years. She is a pensioner in sheltered council accommodation and he is a widow with his own home. A large flat has suddenly become available in their building and so he is moving in (with very low rent) and selling his house so they can have a lovely retirement.

We have heard from MIL that his children (both married with their own children) are upset at their inheritance being spent so he is giving them some money (I don’t know how much). I don’t know much about them but from other non money-related stories (heard second-hand) at least one of them is selfish and entitled.

MIL has just’ confessed’ to DH that she has a little money saved and in the interests of honesty and equity she’d like to give DH and his sister £2,000 each.

We are very comfortable but not ‘well off’ - we have just agreed a sale on a house with a huge mortgage and the ‘mini budget’ has cost us about 6k a year from the expired mortgage in principle we got at the beginning of sept and are facing 2 years of tight purse strings. SIL is greedy, entitled and tight and will definitely accept the money. Her and her DH have good jobs and a nice house and summer holidays to Florida but they are slightly obsessed with how much we earn and think we are loaded - it’s mostly a north/south thing but it’s also because we are generous with MIL (they never so much as buy her a cup of tea because they are always ‘broke’ saving for eg a new car).

AIBU to accept the money given that 3 other children are accepting money? We have already said no but MIL is insisting; she wants us to buy something big for the house with it. I have to say it will be very welcome but I feel really uncomfortable at the prospect. We have already suggested giving it to DD into a savings account but she said she would rather buy something - she suggests a piano for DD but I will get huge benefit from this and we would probably buy one anyway.

no I absolutely wouldn’t be taking 2k from a pensioner, I’m surprised you’re even considering it

some pensioners I know are taking in about 500 quid a week in their pension, pensioner doesn't equate to low income by any means. Many on the old pensions here in Ireland are living a very comfortable life on it.

Regardless of whether people think its a bad decision to sell home to rent, its a decision he has made. As to the inheritance angle, he is obviously giving his DC either the entirety or part of their inheritance before his death. There are many reasons why people do this. But who's to say he hasn't also made provision for his DC in his will too? Why has everyone jumped to the conclusion that DM is a wicked woman who is going yo steal all his money and leave it to ger own DC?

Regardless of whether he has or not, he is entitled to free up his own money to enjoy in his twilight years and spend it exactly how he wants and on who he wants. he worked hard to buy that home and build up any nest egg he has. Any children who are eagerly awaiting to inherit should maybe concentrate on working hard to get themselves into the same position so they can also enjoy their own retirement, spending their hard earned money how they like and who they like.

I see you have accepted it for the piano. That is a lovely way to spend it.
MIL had saved the money and can choose what she would like to do with it. OP and family did not go begging for piano money.
Perhaps MIL thought better to give you the money for something now which will help your family and bring you some joy, rather than the money ending up going on care home fees.

As for the man - don't see anything wrong with him selling his home and moving into a rental (which is very low rent). My Dad did this when the family home became too large for him - rented a small flat and loved it. He had no worries with it whatsoever as the landlord was responsible for all repairs - and was a good landlord. Yes, it obviously cost more than if he'd sold the family home and bought a small property but it was worry and hassle free and that's what he wanted in his later years.

Before they do anything they should see a certified Financial Planner specialising in Retirement/Pensions. They should shore up their own futures before even thinking of DC's. They should know what the paths are as BF/GF Cohabiting and as a future Married Couple.

I'm also surprised that the BF can just sell his house and go into sheltered accommodation when it sounds as though he could fund a smaller home. I'm not sure but could deprivation of assets come into play here?

We are very comfortable but not ‘well off’ - we have just agreed a sale on a house with a huge mortgage and the ‘mini budget’ has cost us about 6k a year from the expired mortgage in principle we got at the beginning of sept and are facing 2 years of tight purse strings.

Why on earth would you spend £2k on a sodding piano when you have posted this in your op??

Get one off Facebook, people are getting rid of them left right and centre. I did, cost £150? Ish for a free one to transport and tune

It irks me that some people see other people’s money (relatives) as theirs. They call it inheritance to make it sound like a right. They expect older parents to not spend or enjoy their own property or money but to sit on it until they die so it can be passed on.

So because he is giving his dc money, your MIL feels she can do the same? That's ridiculous. She doesn't have the same money as he does. If I was him and his dc I'd be pissed off that she is making herself even poorer and contributing even LESS to their pot and relying even more on his money. Sounds like she is either hopelessly clueless or grabby

He's the one with money. If they marry I would want him to make sure it's ring fenced so money goes to his dc upon death and not ultimately to the OP and family.

When I moved into my husbands home just before we married, his adult son took him to one side to remind him that the house was his inheritance and that my husband should make a new will to make sure the house went to him and not me as his new wife. What the son didn't take into account was that his father had remortgaged the house, interest only to fund the son's 3 years at university and a year travelling the world afterwards.
I paid this mortgage off and spent a fortune on a new roof, windows, doors, kitchen and bathroom and decorated throughout . The house hadn't had any money spent on it for 20 years.
We are now tenants in common, with me owning 90% to reflect the money I've put in. The son, who visits once per year will get his father's 10% when my husband of 18 years dies. I'll get the house valued and give it to him in cash.
The son thought I was a gold digger, when in reality I was the one with money after selling my previous home where I'd already paid off the mortgage

@Flopsythebunny I hope the son knows this now?

And who will inherit from you? Not him I hope.

Just accept the money and tell her what you have spent it on

Oh, true. But if leaves, she would have given up sheltered council accommodation, so she will be vulnerable.

My 3 adult children will get 30% each.. Once we are both gone the house is to be sold and the funds distributed. If I go first husband will live in the house until he dies, or if he needs to go into a home the house will be sold so that his 10% can go towards his care. We have built up joint savings and he has a good pension.
Son was very disappointed when his father told him the situation and hasn't spoken to me since. It's no skin off my nose.
If he hadn't reacted like he did when me and his father got married the split would have been 4 equal shares