To tell MiL and FiL they can't look after DC anymore?

[BackOnceAgainWith]

They are lovely. So generous. Almost too much. They literally would do anything for their son (my DH) and our kids

They travel miles every week to look after our DC for 1 day and 1 night a week. Our DC are 1 and 3 and a handful.

Twice now I've come back from work to find both MiL and FiL asleep on the sofa with the DC watching telly. Nothing bad happened. They didn't mean to fall asleep. They are both older and both on medication. I keep saying to DH its not fair on them, it's too much.

I don't wanna deprive them of seeing the kids and they're being so helpful. But I don't think I can leave the DC alone with them. The one year old especially.

AIBU?

If they are falling asleep, your children are not being safely supervised and that is more important than upsetting your IL’s. It wouldn’t be acceptable in a childcare setting so it’s really no different at home.

If they were apologetic, then they know it shouldn't have happened. It would be a shame to stop it altogether - as you say they want to do it and early it helps you out, but you need to feel your children are safe and out of harm's way.

Can you suggest if they are feeling a little sleepy they put the one year old in it's cot and switch the baby alarm onto loud? No one can sleep though that? Or perhaps a play pen? Is the three years old in nursery? Perhaps that could be an option and they could do drop off/pick up. Or as other people have suggested, can they take it in turns to have a proper lie down cat nap.

Good luck

As previous posters have said - they drop the 3 year old at nursery but get to have time with them before and afterwards.

They look after the 1 year old but nap when they nap - safely in their cot with the monitor in.

It's lovely they are so willing to look after their grandchildren but everyone needs to be safe and they obviously feel very tired.

My cousin used elderly relatives for childcare despite being on a huge salary with professional childcare being easily affordable. The relatives were really not very alert and regularly fell asleep or lost sight of the children when out. It took the toddler letting himself out the house and going off for a walk, while they slept, before she finally changed the arrangements. She thought it was nice for the relatives to spend time with the children, which in a way it was, but it was clearly too much.

Send 1 yr old to childcare and perhaps 3 year old to nursery in the afternoon? Get them to drive down night before perhaps let them put them to bed. Then next day they can spend morning with 3 yr old then drop him to nursery.

'Dpil it's lovely that the gc have such a good relationship with you, and we can't tell you how appreciate we are for all your help and support. But obviously after you both falling asleep, we need a new plan. You're both welcome to come and stay but the ch will go to nursery during the day. You can both rest then, and maybe collect the ch from nursery for us? Obviously bath and bed can be your job still!! This is just a new phase and the gc will still love you just as much'

I would ask them to come up at the weekend instead, frame it as you need the help then. Then you can supervise them and the children and gradually change the routines.

That's shocking, I wouldn't let them mind them again on their own, not even once..anything could have happened your children - why are they only feeling embarrassed? Why aren't they feeling horrified and aware the children's safety was completely at risk and apologising whilst saying they completely understand they're not safe to mind them again...

What about them staying 1 weekend a month? They could come Friday and go back Monday morning. You could then get on with things and go out and they could get some rest as they would just be "around" and not fully responsible?

I would employ someone to come and help for mid afternoon to early evening when they will be getting tired.

If your children got hurt because they fell asleep you would have some responsibility for that and ask yourself why you didn’t change things.

i know it’s hard, awkward and sad but it really is the right thing to do to stop things now.