To name this feeling as humiliated or hurt or what?

geminifalling · 2022-10-12T10:25:34+00:00

Sent a text to partner of a few years(late 40's) earlier today that I was feeling 'amorous' for want of a better word.He replied to say that ..'darling, Im busy here at work but will message you later..' It was a kind message but I dont know what Im feeling.Perhaps embarrassed? We often share these types of messages as we dont live together and they can happen at any time of day regardless of work and we always respond in context. Iknow he is under a lot of pressure at the moment.I thought he may enjoy the spontaneity of the message but clearly not. What am I feeling and am i being ridiculous?

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/10/2022 11:28

I think if you usually send them to each other and they’re well received then he’s just telling you that right now he’s got other things in his mind and it’s not the right time. Good communication.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/10/2022 11:29

I think it’s fair enough. Don’t give it a second thought.

sandytooth · 12/10/2022 11:30

Rejected? But its fine he just doesn't want to get aroused in a professional environment.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/10/2022 11:31

I think it's humiliation but I really don't think you need to feel that way.

Ponoka7 · 12/10/2022 11:32

I'd also say rejected. It's has he says, he's got a lot on, nothing more.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 12/10/2022 11:32

There's absolutely nothing wrong with his response. You're being highly over-sensitive.

Toucan123 · 12/10/2022 11:32

I guess you're just feeling a bit disappointed that you didn't get the type of response you'd hoped for in that instance? Nothing for you to be embarrassed about though.

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 11:34

Embarrassment or you are feeling rejected.

But that doesn’t mean he rejected you or tried to embarrass you.

Its great they have usually been well received but I think it’s unrealistic that he would always be able to respond in kind while he as work.

He choice was the message he sent or ignore you.

MichelleScarn · 12/10/2022 11:35

Am not sure what I'd respond if was having a busy day and got a text that dh was feeling 'amorous' right then!
How does he normally respond? I'd feel a bit grim if a colleague was on with was sexting while at work!

Original poster

geminifalling · 12/10/2022 11:47

Ya I feel a bit rejected.I guess when he texts me stuff like that,I do respond even when Im busy.I am being over sensitive.Regarding posters finding it grim, if a colleague was sexting, its our thing and it doesnt affect anyone else so Im not concerned about that.Im pretty sure we are not the first couple who live apart,to text each other through work!

OP posts:

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 11:51

@MichelleScarn

lol, grim? It has nothing to do with you does it?.

Me and my husband text each allsorts during the day, livens it up a bit. Doesn’t mean I’m there wanking under the table 🤦‍♀️ 😂.

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 11:55

geminifalling · 12/10/2022 11:47

Ya I feel a bit rejected.I guess when he texts me stuff like that,I do respond even when Im busy.I am being over sensitive.Regarding posters finding it grim, if a colleague was sexting, its our thing and it doesnt affect anyone else so Im not concerned about that.Im pretty sure we are not the first couple who live apart,to text each other through work!

But there’s a difference between being busy and being that busy breaking off to reply to texts is distracting and makes whatever you are working on more difficult and sometimes you just can’t have the distraction.

You know he is under pressure so you know it’s a bad time.

In regards to sexting at work, I understand people feeling it’s grim. Part of the excitement is that you are both around other people getting your jollies. It is, inadvertently, involving other people. It’s like people who like to have sex outside and like to risk getting caught. I don’t want to be part of your kink while I am walking my dog.

Obviously, if I don’t know there’s nothing to bother me. But it would make uncomfortable if I found out it was happening around me.

youlightupmyday · 12/10/2022 11:58

MichelleScarn · 12/10/2022 11:35

Am not sure what I'd respond if was having a busy day and got a text that dh was feeling 'amorous' right then!
How does he normally respond? I'd feel a bit grim if a colleague was on with was sexting while at work!

God, if you knew what DP and I write to each you'd positively vomit then.

Livens up the work day for us. And we are both bloody senior..and old 🤣

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 11:59

@Hearthnhome

Nothing at all to do with other people, what makes you think that? My husband could text me at any random time. Sometimes I work from home, or out of the home. The message is between me and my husband ……. Fuck all to do with my colleagues what an odd assumption.

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 12:02

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 11:59

@Hearthnhome

Nothing at all to do with other people, what makes you think that? My husband could text me at any random time. Sometimes I work from home, or out of the home. The message is between me and my husband ……. Fuck all to do with my colleagues what an odd assumption.

How is saying how I would feel if I found someone sexting, next to me an assumption?

or do you mean the fact that your are in public getting your jollies is an assumption? It’s not really though. That’s part of it and you know it.

I would feel uncomfortable with someone say next to me, in the office, IF I found out. I have as much right to feel that way, as you do to text.

youlightupmyday · 12/10/2022 12:03

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 11:59

@Hearthnhome

Nothing at all to do with other people, what makes you think that? My husband could text me at any random time. Sometimes I work from home, or out of the home. The message is between me and my husband ……. Fuck all to do with my colleagues what an odd assumption.

Exactly, other people aren't part of it at all. He could be anywhere. I just happen to think of him

sandytooth · 12/10/2022 12:04

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 12:02

How is saying how I would feel if I found someone sexting, next to me an assumption?

or do you mean the fact that your are in public getting your jollies is an assumption? It’s not really though. That’s part of it and you know it.

I would feel uncomfortable with someone say next to me, in the office, IF I found out. I have as much right to feel that way, as you do to text.

Show quote history

Yes I agree tbh. I wouldn't want to know about it.

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:08

@Hearthnhome

Well that’s kind of a clue isn’t it….. a PRIVATE message between a husband and wife is just that. Private. Nothing at all to do with you or other people at work like you’ve insinuated.

Getting my jollies? 😂. Calm down dear not sure why flirty, private texts between a couple is triggering you so much. Like I said it would be different if you WERE wanking yourself off under the table ….. LOL 😂. Some people ……

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 12:13

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:08

@Hearthnhome

Well that’s kind of a clue isn’t it….. a PRIVATE message between a husband and wife is just that. Private. Nothing at all to do with you or other people at work like you’ve insinuated.

Getting my jollies? 😂. Calm down dear not sure why flirty, private texts between a couple is triggering you so much. Like I said it would be different if you WERE wanking yourself off under the table ….. LOL 😂. Some people ……

Ah yes I just have an opinion so must be triggered?

I was simply answering what op put in her posts. That I understand why people would feel it’s grim and how I would feel IF I knew a bloke at work was doing this.

You don’t have to agree. No one is asking you to stop. You seem really defensive about someone you don’t know having an opinion, different to yours, when taking generally. Not specifically about you.

Did you being feeling triggered, because that’s how you feel? Can’t stand someone possibly not agreeing with you?

Your attempt as misogynistic condescension isn’t a good look.

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:15

@Hearthnhome

Ahh right so you’re not only triggered by a different opinion, you also come to the conclusion that a different opinion is misogynistic? Riiiiiigghttt.

inheritanceshiteagain · 12/10/2022 12:22

Why on earth send a sex text to someone at work!

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 12:29

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:15

@Hearthnhome

Ahh right so you’re not only triggered by a different opinion, you also come to the conclusion that a different opinion is misogynistic? Riiiiiigghttt.

Nope. ‘Calm down dear’ is a well know misogynistic comment said to women to put them down. So when you use it, you are being misogynistic.

Nowhere did I say you couldn’t think differently. Again, I said how I would feel I didn’t say what other should do. I didn’t tell you to stop it. But you seem to have had your feelings hurt and taken it personally. Is it really a shock that not everyone thinks everything you do is amazing?

catandcoffee · 12/10/2022 12:30

At least he responded to the message.

probably trying to keep his mind on work.

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:39

@Hearthnhome

Point taken re: the phrase!…. I didn’t ask you to think what I did was amazing why would I? The point I was trying to convey was it’s a private interaction between two people and it has nothing to do with “getting your jollies around other people”. Like I said I could be anywhere when I receive a text. At home, in the shop, in the office etc.

You think that’s grim because you’ve assumed people who send flirty texts to each other during the working day which may include sexual content, as somehow involving other people? So you’ve assumed wrong.

Now I could understand your point if you were quite literally having a wank under the table whilst your colleague sat opposite ….. now that would be grim, but a private text between a husband and a wife? Totally none of your business.

Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 12:55

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 12:39

@Hearthnhome

Point taken re: the phrase!…. I didn’t ask you to think what I did was amazing why would I? The point I was trying to convey was it’s a private interaction between two people and it has nothing to do with “getting your jollies around other people”. Like I said I could be anywhere when I receive a text. At home, in the shop, in the office etc.

You think that’s grim because you’ve assumed people who send flirty texts to each other during the working day which may include sexual content, as somehow involving other people? So you’ve assumed wrong.

Now I could understand your point if you were quite literally having a wank under the table whilst your colleague sat opposite ….. now that would be grim, but a private text between a husband and a wife? Totally none of your business.

you are so offended about how I feel about something you like to do, I can’t think of another reason you would be. Other than the realisation that something you do isn’t universally seen as great has upset you.

But that’s not what I said.

I said (multiple times) IF I found out I would be uncomfortable. Let’s be honest, people send texts to the wrong people, leave their phones about, maybe even tell people what their partner has text them. And once one person knows it doesn’t take long to get round. In my 20 years in offices there’s been loads of people caught doing this sort of thing and people either take the piss or feel a bit uncomfortable about it. And I would be uncomfortable about being sat near a person texting and getting aroused by it.

I can feel how I feel about something. You don’t live in a vacuum. You do things and some people might feel uncomfortable about it. I might do things that make people feel uncomfortable. But no one is insisting people stop anything so, going down the same route why is how I feel about something any of your business?