To ask how to handle difficult neighbour

[ShouldIdo]

So, we have a property that we do not live in full time, it is a holiday let and we use it as much as possible. We are retiring there in around 18 months.

We are carrying out improvements, the last of which were about 2.5 years ago. This was a driveway, we spoke with our neighbour (it is a shared driveway), we wanted to replace our half as it was broken up concrete, dangerous and full of puddles. She was extremely unhappy about this, didn't want us to do it, was "concerned" we would destabilise the shared drain, very difficult. We discussed exactly where it would come to, explained that as the drain was shared, any issues caused would be as much as a problem to us as it would her. We were using the local builder, who she knows as he lives in the same road. It was all agreed, at the time, we told her works were being carried out in January/Feb, on speaking further to the builder he advised that was not a good time of year as he was concerned the digger would get stuck, we emailed and advised it would be sometime in May and we would keep her informed. Builder confirmed two weeks before it was to be started, emailed and confirmed to neighbour, didn't hear a thing. Builder turned up and she was angry, didn't want them to start work, didn't know where the drive was coming to (it was all marked out from previously), caused a complete issue and in the end I had to go down there to appease her with confirming the drive would go to the mark, work got carried out, drain ok, cut down between the two edges of the drive perfect, no issues, even offered to pay for her car to be cleaned as it was made dusty, no response, so it didn't happen.

We now want to have our back fence replaced, typically our fence is the one that borders her garden. By complete coincidence I heard her talking to another neighbour about the fence, he advised that it is always the left hand fence as you looked at the property, which it isn't of course, we have checked our deeds, run it by our solicitor and it is our fence.

Couple of examples of other things that have happened, her neighbour the other side erected a fence between their and her conservatory, they had the property up for sale at the time, she rang the agent and told them she was unhappy with the fence and gleefully told me that they told her that they would no longer market the property (absolute rubbish of course, the house sold and the people moved).

We had an issue with our shared drain (prior to the new drive), I arrange for a "dyno rod" type man to visit and unblock it, I paid for it and it was cleared all good, he advised that it caused an issue for both sides, so it was an equal problem. He knocked on her door on arrival, no answer so as he didn't need permission as it was a shared drain, he cleared it and went on his. She called my letting agent (not sure how she found out who it was) and advised them she wasn't happy. They called me a little bemused and just relayed the conversation. I contacted her and she really couldn't answer what the issue was. I explained a shared drain is that it's shared and I wasn't charging her.

She has fallen out with a number of neighbours in the street.

So, when and how do I advise that we are having a new fence erected? I don't think we "legally" have to, but to keep relationships no worse than they are, should I email? Call? Face to face? I can give an approximate timescale, but this is part of a garden renovation, so it is dependent on weather etc.

I do not want to "pander" to this neighbour in any way, because no matter what I do, she moans. We had a dog when we first bought the property, he sadly passed away and we after 18 months got a new puppy. She wasn't happy with that as her cats like to go in our garden, well sorry, but our dog, our garden, our dog will bark at the cats, but would not hurt them. Previously she had a major issue at work and wanted to try for constructive dismissal. I assisted a lot as I have some knowledge in this area, helped her construct emails, whilst advising that she need to be realistic of the potential outcome, she was not successful.

Sorry, this is so long, but any thoughts would be appreciated.

Sorry, that is so long.

She sounds awful.
I'd sale the property and buy elsewhere.

Imagine living next to her permanently 😟

I have had one of these for twenty years, thinks she owns the neighbourhood. At first I used to pander to her requests to cut down this or that, but it only encouraged her. Now, I smile, wave, say Oh Really when she complains, and try to keep out of her way - its mostly successful, though she does bad mouth me to all and sundry. I have learned to be friendly and not give a fuck.

I'd briefly email so you can document that you notified her.

To be honest it sounds like you have already pandered to her far too much. I wouldn't be saying anything to her about the fence. Just get them in to do it and tell her to mind her own business.

I kind of think you're right!

Thanks everyone, I will read all the responses and decide.

Wish me luck..........😀

My advice would be to have the documentation to hand (but don't send it on to her....yet).

Then I would contact the firm who will be replacing the fence and tell them that if she says anything more than "Good Morning" or "Good Afternoon" to them that they are to say "Hello Mrs. Annoying Neighbour. If you have any queries on what we're doing here, please contact @ShouldIdo. We have her number here for you to call her and discuss. Now please let us carry on as we have a job to do here and we have to get it done."

If she carries on, then they are to phone you and say "Hi @ShouldIdo , your neighbour is complaining while we're trying to do a job. Can I pass the phone over to her please so that you can explain what we're doing here?"

I would think that only in exceptional circumstances would you have to travel to the site and discuss this with the neighbour face to face. It would only be at that time would I bring the documentation of who owns what fence and what can happen with it should it need replacing.

Christ, you sure you want to live next to her? She sounds draining.

However, I’d not bother being particularly cordial. Whatever you do she’s going to ignore any correspondence and get pissy about it anyway. Just get your fence done and stand back to avoid the spat feathers.

She has form and you've tried being nice previously to no avail. Inform her, show her the legalities then ignore

Fences can be ambiguous, though, so I would put it in writing politely, with a copy of your deeds.
when I say ambiguous, I mean my (1920) deeds state clearly that the fence is shared, but my neighbours on the other side of the fence have deeds that say it’s theirs! So it’s worth checking thoroughly.

Send her a copy of the deed plan, which shows it’s your fence. You’ll be glad to know it our fence so our expense etc

also send her This print out the pages, gives details about left mythology etc

I’d write and tell her you are replacing the fence. Show her confirmation that the fence is yours and write in a way to tell her when it’s happening but also that she will be glad to hear, it’s your fence so there will be no cost to her.

warn your fencing contractors in advance of her behaviour.

About the ownership of the fence. It might be you who owns the boundary, but that doesn't mean its you who owns the fence, so check this. You deeds won't help, they just show boundary ownership. On our neighbours boundary we were the ones who wanted the fence so we paid to have one erected. We put the fence up to the boarder on our side to ensure that it wasn't actually on the boarder, so our neighbours aren't allowed to interfere with it.

This. It’s all in the delivery.

I’d let her know 24/48 hours before. Unless she’s loads of plants attached to the fence?

I wouldn’t start with any legal docs, you’ve checked your deeds, check hers, it’s £3 on land registry online. There’s a VERY small chance they conflict and then you know you’ve an issue. But got 5 minutes and £3 you know you’ve got all the right information & when she “starts” with her generic advice you’re ready to prove otherwise with your evidence & hers!

hope it’s a tall fence! Good luck.

This. By the sounds of things she’ll never be happy, so just keep communication brief, factual and polite.

Good luck!

I feel for you....we had terrible, noisy and aggressive neighbours at our last house....just got worse and worse so we sold the house and moved in the end....it got so bad we were unable to enjoy our garden....it can be really tricky and it can make your life a complete misery....try everything you can to work things out with them in a reasonable manner otherwise it really can have an adverse effect on everyday life....ours was the forever home....big garden in a really nice sought after area and we ended up walking away....tread very carefully as it can go pear shaped very quickly....

I'd sell the house and buy a different retirement property. You do not want to live next door to her!!

This. I would quickly get bored of the moaning and her wanting to debate everything. I would stick a letter through her door with a FYI vibe to it. But not get sucked into her moaning and debating

I agree with others. Polite, factual and firm communication is the only way to go here. If what she asks is unreasonable it's a firm no, we won't be doing that. But otherwise be helpful.

Treat her in the same way you would treat a reasonable neighbour who you don't know very well. We had a back fence come down recently and had to get to deal with our neighbour behind us so it's that kind of situation I mean. That way you're not pandering to her, but not being rude or aggressive either.

This is a good point - if you check your legal report from when you bought the house one of the questions is who owns the boundary features. Worth checking that.

Did you ever think she's got the arse ache with you as you are renting the place out as a holiday let ?

I'd not he best chuffed to live next door to one

Have we got the same neighbour?
I had a lot of building work done, I was more than courteous towards them. They complained no end, sometimes 2 / 3 times a day!!.
On one occasion he became so distressed he was taken to hospital by ambulance!! His wife later told me it was because of the building work! He came out the next day, we wished him well and said we hoped he felt better. He waved his stick in the air and continued to moan about the dust on his car!.
Hes now gone in a nursing home and I've taken a step back. I say hello to her but that's all. I'm done with being over polite and trying to keep the peace.
I think you have to remember often it's not even about you. People don't like change, even good change!
Communicate with them as least as you can. EG maybe drop a note in the letter box regarding any work that needs to be done.
Some people you will never win, but don't enter into the fight.

I'd let her know that you would be putting a 10 ft fence up and then let her negotiate you down to a 5ft one.

I really can't bear people like this who think everyone else's business is something to do with them and they must be consulted. The biggest problem is when you start pandering to them at the start because it just reinforces their inflated sense of self importance. Keep in mind if you are planning on living next door to her full time you'll never be rid of her endless demands and interference, and what she's doing preventing your builders working and kicking up a stink really is interference of the highest order. And she's doing it partly because you've pandered to her far too much in the past, and partly because she thinks she's so important that everything everyone else is doing has to be run by her first. If you don't run it by her first she'll interfere in other ways by complaining to the council instead just so she gets to have a say, because people like this thrive on interfering in everyone else's business. I'd be more inclined to show her a solicitors letter telling her to back off and stop interfering than a copy of any future work plans. You've been far too accomodating. This isn't someone you're ever going to have a quiet neighbourly relationship with so I think it's time to stop trying be Aude she's always going to want to be consulted regardless what you do. I mean seriously, telling you she wasn't happy you had a dog because her cat likes to go in your garden? That would have been the first 'fuck off' she got from me. Who the hell does she think she is?

You’ve had some good advice here OP so I can’t offer anything further other than sympathy! I have a neighbour like this and we are going to be starting renovation works next year and I’m already dreading it. Best advice once you are living there is to keep your distance and keep it polite and breezy but just don’t engage with anything more than “morning, nice weather” etc.

Although I am finding it hard to even take my own advice and find myself ducking behind my car when I heard her front door open. Are you sure you want to retire there? 😅