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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is 'normal' teenage behaviour?

28 replies

Endofmarope · 12/10/2022 02:00

I'm a teacher. I'm at the end of my rope with the behaviour of a lot of my students.

I've been threatened, intimidated, gaslighted, openly mocked, shouted at, lied to, disrespected.

I'm lying awake, again, sick with dread about what tomorrow might bring.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't have to put up with this, but maybe that's just normal behaviour of teenagers and maybe I'm just one of those whiny old people who moans about the behaviour of children 'these days'.

How much, realistically, should I expect to put up with? How much is just part and parcel of dealing with teenagers?

OP posts:
Thursa · 12/10/2022 02:06

If my boys had behaved like that, in school or elsewhere, they’d have been in a world of trouble! Not normal.

SaltyCrisp · 12/10/2022 02:07

I've been threatened, intimidated, gaslighted, openly mocked, shouted at, lied to, disrespected

That's not normal teenage behaviour and it sickens me that you feel you have to put up with it.

Are your SMT useless?

FoxCorner · 12/10/2022 02:08

Sorry you are having to put up with all that. You definitely shouldn't have to. Could you ask other or more senior teachers how to deal with it?. Or hopefully someone on here will help. Could you move schools? My kids are 15 and 18 and definitely aren't like that and nor are their friends. Definitely unacceptable 💐

Oceans12 · 12/10/2022 02:10

How old are these 'little darlings' and what are you trying to teach them?

GlamGiraffe · 12/10/2022 02:15

What subjects?
What's the demographic?
Are you a relatively NQT?
What are the school's standard discipline procedures and consequences as well as your own?

Context might help.
This sounds incredibly demoralising and shouldn't be happening

Original poster
Endofmarope · 12/10/2022 02:19

They are year 10-13 and I teach a mainstream curriculum subject.

SMT are supportive at crisis moments, but overall behaviour is declining steeply and there is nothing I can do about it but keep trying to put out fires.

I've been teaching for 15 years and this is the worst it has ever been.

OP posts:
Oceans12 · 12/10/2022 03:02

Can you get help from your Union OP?

This should not be happening.

Original poster
Endofmarope · 12/10/2022 04:59

I'm abroad and there is no Union.

At least I feel somewhat justified in my misery. I thought I might get a bunch of, "well you're a teacher so it's your job to correct behaviour". Of course that is part of the job but this level of behaviour feels out of control.

OP posts:
Hearthnhome · 12/10/2022 05:42

Some of it is going to depend on your definition. Gas lighting for example, then doing something and then pretending they didn’t, could be gas lighting and was fairly normal among young children and teens that were trouble causer’s when I was growing up in 80s/90s and would imagine is fairly common.

I don’t think lying in general is very unusual behaviour either.

However, if my dd was lying, threatening and intimidating a teacher I would have come down her like a ton of bricks. At a guess, a lot of parents of the kids you teach would not.

I think some teens will always behave appallingly, but this sounds more like the odd one. My experience of teens is that, they aren’t like this but I only have dds friends to go off

I was quite shocked the other day as a family friends son got kicked off his uni course for letting some non student friends into a lecture who then threw something across the room and friends son called the lecturer the N word when he kicked them of the room. Family friend is defending her son and trying to get him back on his course.

What are the airways responses to their childrens behaviour. That may give some clues.

PBSam · 12/10/2022 06:39

Threatening and intimidating no. The rest is standard issue.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 12/10/2022 06:41

They're little bastards in the classroom, not normal teenagers.

Is there an option for moving jobs in a different area.

jeaux90 · 12/10/2022 06:42

Honestly I don't know how teachers cope in some schools. I'm surprised they haven't all moved to the private sector.

malificent7 · 12/10/2022 06:56

Worst students i ever taught WERE in the private sector...a well known religious school to boot. The local pupil referral unit where i also taught, had better behaviour. Hence i quit teaching...it's not worth it op.

RondaYolanda · 12/10/2022 07:06

Could it be that boys are becoming more misogynistic from growing up on a diet of pornography?

GlamGiraffe · 12/10/2022 09:20

Threatening and intimidating behaviour is not standard. Disruptive and boundary pushing is.
What are the consequences when pupils offend? If there are no repercussions there's nothing to stop them. Management need to address this harshly and visibly,

Untitledsquatboulder · 12/10/2022 09:37

"Normal" teenage behaviour includes lots of eye rolling, feeling misunderstood and hard done to and an verging on unhealthy need to fit in with peers. Not what you're describing except that, in a particularly chaotic school, a lot if teens that would otherwise be OK will play up because its the done thing.

I would never tolerate what you are describing from my sons and tbf, neither would their school.

Original poster
Endofmarope · 12/10/2022 12:13

@Hearthnhome that's awful! Poor lecturer! Frankly if I was that kid's parent I would tell them that I was ashamed of them and that they deserved to be kicked out.

It's getting harder and harder to punish. Usually it ends up in a 'he said she said' situation with the students denying it, then there's not a lot to be done about it. The parents are often either absent or suggest that the teacher is lying/exaggerating/victimising etc, which of course undermines our authority and I think discourages some teachers from ever challenging student behaviour in the first place.

@RondaYolanda quite often the behaviour is from male students towards female teachers (and we are about 50/50 split both in the numbers of staff and students). It does feel like female teachers have to deal with more, but I couldn't say for sure.

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 12/10/2022 12:20

I went to 2 different secondary schools and an old school mate from the very very TAME secondary school where everyone behaved in comparison to the other one, posted a meme the other day something about 'remember how we made the teacher lock herself in the cupboard and have a break down'... That would have been early 2000s when I was at school with that guy and I just thought pah, that school was a walk in the park for the teachers compared to the other one. So it does seem like it's been the norm for at least 20 - 25 years. Definitely shouldn't be the norm though but I'm not sure what the answer is!

ReneBumsWombats · 12/10/2022 12:22

No, that isn't normal. Passing notes in class, chewing gum and trying to get away with minor uniform infractions are normal. That isn't.

Beamur · 12/10/2022 12:25

I think it's the norm in some schools unfortunately. I suspect some subjects are also much harder to teach than others. Especially when subjects are compulsory and not universally enjoyed..
Less so in schools with strong leadership and clear policies and sanctions.
Can you change jobs? What support do you have for discipline?

Shortname · 12/10/2022 12:51

I'm not a teacher but I have a teenager and that is definitely not my experience of normal amongst her or her friends. I really, really hope that's not the normal experience for most secondary school teachers, you absolutely shouldn't have to put up with that, Id be beyond livid if my teen behaved like that.

CoastalWave · 12/10/2022 12:59

The main problem is, once they've started doing this to/with you, they will continue. It's harder and harder now to get these kids to behave. They have to know you mean business and also like/respect you at the same time .

Even back in the 90's, I remember teachers who the kids rang rings around and teacher who we wouldn't dare try it with.

Personally, I would look to move schools and start afresh with a meaner approach.

Oceans12 · 13/10/2022 08:45

@RondaYolanda Could it be that boys are becoming more misogynistic from growing up on a diet of pornography?

That did cross my mind.

As long as, women are portrayed in these mediums as property, obstacles, and as objects, rather than beings with their own autonomy and agency, then this will be the result.

However, this doesn't help you OP.

IMO you need to see the board of governors or whoever is in charge, of this school and raise you concerns. Explain that this behaviour from students is stopping you from effectively teaching these pupils.
Tell them if you can't rely on them for support, then you'll need to reconsider your position. Then follow this up in writing saying the same thing.

In the meantime look for another job.

3WildOnes · 13/10/2022 08:56

malificent7 · 12/10/2022 06:56

Worst students i ever taught WERE in the private sector...a well known religious school to boot. The local pupil referral unit where i also taught, had better behaviour. Hence i quit teaching...it's not worth it op.

I'm surprised at this. I went to a state comprehensive for a bit and I regularly saw teachers being sworn at, intimidated and on one occasion punched in the face. I saw much worse happen to other students too. At my private school, a bit of back talk was the worst I ever witnessed. The difference was like chalk and cheese.

Minfilia · 13/10/2022 09:33

I have four teenagers and I don’t recognise any of the behaviours you mention (apart from the odd bit of secrecy and omissions rather than lies).

sounds hellish!

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