Partners sleeping on maternity ward?

[Jaaxe]

I’m due a csection in December, it’s not my first csection so I know birth recovery especially csection isn’t a walk in the park with a newborn and that having your partner in the hospital is helpful and good for bonding but aibu to think partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to sleep in the bays alongside all the other female patients overnight? A side room is fine with me but a bay with other female patients at their most vulnerable, no thanks. I think the flexible visiting during the day is great but having partners camped next to your bed with just a curtain between is a no from me. Aibu?

It makes me so angry to read posts by women who happily would've left me suffering alone.

Many of whom have been through the same or maybe even worse experiences, but still respect that the needs of all women on the ward should be respected.

When I had ds (2 day/night induced labour with little/no sleep, failed epidurals, 10cm dilated, and when he became distressed an EMCS under GA) dh was allowed in for visiting hours only, it was more than just not easy lifting a 9lb 10oz baby after surgery, and while it would have helped having dh there I absolutely respected the needs of the other women on the ward. Very few of whom were not also "suffering".

No men stayed beyond visiting and you could visibly see the dynamic of the ward change and relax when they left.

No men stayed beyond visiting and you could visibly see the dynamic of the ward change and relax when they left

I noticed this with my eldest he was born in 2011 so men weren’t allowed to stay at night then, there was a collective sigh of relief when they left en masse at 9pm lol!

Men were allowed to stay in my 2017 and 2019 births and truly it was just the most horrific experience both times.

YABU

hospitals bring these policies in because they’re requested. Not everyone is a shaking, vulnerable, flower.

My DH then DP wasn't allowed to stay overnight. I don't think I would have liked men being there too

It's interesting that so many maternity wards have had to introduce such detailed rules for men staying overnight as to what is "acceptable" and "unacceptable" behaviour. It casts doubt on the argument that only a tiny minority of men behave unacceptably.

I find it very offensive that people think women are being precious and unreasonable because they don't want the risk of having to deal with this invasive and antisocial behaviour when in a vulnerable state.

Outside of MN a minority of women have issues with this, it’s why the policies are brought in to allow men to stay, as women and patients ask for it.

MN overindexes on a certain ‘type’ of woman, and it’s often an issue on threads like these, as it’s not comparative to the majority.

Well aren't you a treat

Oh and how the fuck do you know how the majority feel? Have you done a survey amongst your 3 mates 🙄

This is scaremongering.
Hospitals will provide this when required to. Which happens often - when the mother has no partner, when the partner has to look after other children etc etc. The mother and baby don't get abandoned because there is no partner there. And half the partners just get in the way and cause difficulties anyway.

@OoooohMatron

The majority will be fine as otherwise these policies wouldn’t be in place, I don’t know a single woman who has an issue with this, most are very vocal about actively choosing hospitals based on whether their partners could stay overnight.

People on here tend to be more anxious than the norm, it comes out on posts like this, posters on AIBU are also often older so that will colour views as well, since this wasn’t as common when many posting on here were having their kids.

No need to dismiss other women as 'vulnerable flowers' though is there. Their concerns are valid too.

They attempt to provide it but staffing levels in postnatal wards are such that you just don’t get the drink you can’t reach. And you are stuck in the middle of the night struggling to get someone to come to help you with that newborn you can’t pick up or put down yourself.

It’s cheaper to just let partners stay and do the bits that require no medical knowledge (like passing a cup) than to increase staffing levels. The NHS is pretty chronically underfunded. There’s no quick or easy fix to this.

Hospitals will provide this when required to. Which happens often - when the mother has no partner, when the partner has to look after other children etc etc. The mother and baby don't get abandoned because there is no partner there.

😂😂😂😂

I’m sure many would disagree with you.

It should be a penis free zone in maternity ward at night time unless partner is supporting an imminent labour

Does that go for male porters, male nurses, male doctors and the male babies too?

Or just fathers?

Partners should be allowed to stay. If u don't feel comfortable pay or ask for a side room.

meh. If you want a guest you pay for the side room. It is maternity care for the mother and baby, not a B&B

Just unknown inverted strange men who are in the room whilst a bunch of vulnerable women are sleeping in nothing but hospital gowns and with curtains as the only barrier for their privacy or protection

Unvetted *

Staff of course are vetted

Well this is kind of the point. Means you don’t get a break from random dopey blokes hanging around like spare parts.

And I most definitely did not have an easy delivery or post partum experience. So that has nothing to do with my opinions

I think a lot of people would elect to at for the side room with their partner. But that’s not how these things are allocated in the NHS. Resources are tight - those rooms are often required for a whole set of circumstances beyond just wanting your partner to stay with you.

A huge redesign of hospitals to enable that kind of postnatal provision seems an unlikely priority for the NHS at this juncture.

There are no easy answers here. But we all get distracted by having a go at each other so we aren’t looking at decades of systematic underfunding in the NHS and short sighted government policy decisions made on grounds that were never about what would actually provide the best service to patients.

That's really awful!! How stressful!!

On reflection actually I'm just remembering times I had to help the other mams. There was 2 women recovering from a C Section in my ward and their food was left too far away from them so I had to go over to them to help them. Or they would call me over to get things from their bag... I'm imaging now how shit they mustve felt to be asking me, a complete stranger, to have a look through their belongings to get what they needed.

Have to say the midwives were all absolutely lovely and extremely helpful, just understaffed and crazy busy!! 😔😥

I didn't even see the men on my ward during visiting hours, people kept their curtains pulled over, spoke softly, or let the mothers sleep so it was fairly quiet apart from babies crying obviously... I wouldn't have had a problem with any of them staying the night.

@OoooohMatron

im not dismissing anyone, if you’re so sensitive you can pay for a side room

When it comes down to it, I think the safety of mother and child has to trump the situation of another woman feeling 'highly emotional' from hearing a man snoring.

If something happens to the baby the trauma will likely be much more enduring than that of somebody else looking back and remembering feeling uncomfortable due to the presence of men.

Of course, it would be better if neither situation happened but clearly this luxury isn't always possible.