Dd 'best' friend has upset her at school today

[auberginepickle]

8 year old Dd came home from school today upset because her 'best' friend hasn't invited her to her birthday after school tea party today. Her friend told her that only her best 3 friends were invited and Dd wasn't one of them.
This has been confounded by the fact I arranged for this friend to come over last week for Dd's 8th birthday after school for tea and cake and a bit of a fuss. There was no party arranged for Dd because we were supposed to be going away for it, but for a number of reasons I moved the holiday to half term instead so thought having her 'best' friend over would make up for the cancelled trip somewhat.
I am really upset for my Dd because yet again, someone she thought of as a friend has upset her to the point she was crying in school over it.
Dd has been invited to this friend's bigger party on the weekend which is basically an all day event at a trampoline park. I really begrudge going to this party now, having to dedicate a whole weekend day there (when I have so many other things I could be doing) and having to buy this girl a gift and card, when she clearly has no real regard for my Dd as a friend. The mother has asked for Pusheen stuff as a gift too, so not cheap 🙄.
I know 8 year olds are fickle and still learning social skills, but this girl is very precocious and I feel her mum is not coming off well in this either for not returning the invite for an after school birthday tea (I am disappointed in mum too as I thought she was nice).
I just wish there was some way of helping my Dd with these unpleasant encounters. She is a very sensitive and anxious child, but doesn't struggle socially (although there is a pattern forming of her being unable to make close friends like her other peers). I worry that she will end up finding it difficult or withdrawing from making new friends because she will always expect to get hurt 😔.

Oh do shut up! OP has a right to feel how she feels. I fucking hate that word entitled on here- it's so bloody overused and in all the wrong contexts (and don't start me on grabby 🤢).

It IS upsetting for OP's DD and, personally, I think it's unfeeling. Yes, she'll get used to unrequited feelings and build resilience, but it's hard and OP can see the upset.

I’m really not ‘forcing’ anything here
Sorry op I worded that wrong- it’s just easy to get as invested as the children, but 2 parents doing play dates just doesn’t always mean the children are as close as you think. Hope it all works out and your dad has fun at the big party. And the cheapskate comment seems crazy btw!!!

Given your DD'S party was last week I think the mum was rude and could easily have extended the tea party to include your DD even if she hadn't planned to originally.

If as you suggest your DD has had this happen before I would suggest that maybe you need to try and work out what's going on with her. How is she managing her friendships? Why does she perceive someone to be very close and they don't see her that way? Do you think she is picking friends based on how popular they seem to be? If, for example, she decided this girl was the best person to make friends with to be popular and made a beeline for her because she is popular it may explain why she is getting hurt as she is not choosing friends based on comparability. It's just a theory and I'm not suggesting she is doing it consciously. Maybe talk to her about how she chooses he friends and encourage her to find some new ones.

Definitely agree with just buying a smallish gift and check with DD if she actually still wants to go. She doesn't have to.

Are you 8 years old too?

Thanks Puffalicious,
A bit harsh to say I’m entitled I think. I’m upset for my Dd because I can empathise and put myself in her shoes having to hear those knock back words that are a big deal to a child of that age. My Dd feels big emotions, and if she regards someone as a friend she really invests and enthuses in that friendship.
Anyway, thanks for responding all, a lot of supportive comments and some not so supportive (which I was expecting). I am not dwelling on it further, or trying to make a big thing of it with Dd. She is well aware when someone is not being a good friend, and I can only encourage her to become more resilient to it. It is just so hard to see your child upset when they get knocked back by someone they thought was special to them🙁.
She still wants to go to the party on Saturday, I have no intention of spoiling it whatsoever. However, no Pusheen cat purchases will be made!

Interesting points about how she chooses friends. Firstly, there are a lot more boys than girls in her year and the girls formed friendships, usually in pairs, during nursery. My Dd did this with a girl who has since ‘dumped’ her, and for a long time my Dd has been a sort of floater for want of a better word, unable to break into already established friendship groups or pairs. This new friend started in Year 1 , so had no friends initially but she has always been encouraged by her mum to be friends with everyone, she is very precocious verbally which has helped her settle in well. Perhaps Dd has latched onto her because of her openness. I don’t think she tries to make friends with the ‘popular’ girls, I know who they are and she rarely mentions them. She has a male friend and another female friend who she says she often plays with, both Polish, but the parents keep to themselves or their siblings pick them up so I have never got to know the parents to invite these other friends around for play dates. I also work so am not always there for the school run.

I will definitely talk to her about who she chooses as friends, she has always seemed to be happy playing with anyone.

Wow..8 is not a socially unaware toddler. By 8, an NT child will have a clear understanding that exclusion is hurtful and that avoiding hurting others feelings is very important.
She isn’t under any obligation to invite your dd (although the mum should know better..and her tactless behaviour is no doubt why she has produced a similarly thoughtless child) but she is obliged to be subtle about the invite and thoughtful to her classmates, inc your daughter.