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AIBU?

I wish I had her energy!!

47 replies

Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:12

Hi all, I have a neighbour/friend who is quite open and vocal about everything she gets up to both in person and on social media etc etc. she is a busy lady and I often feel inadequate in comparison. I wish I had her energy.

she works, as does her husband, both herself and her kids (3 of them) go to multiple hobbies and sports clubs, she meets with friends regularly, she helps at the school, she's on the parent group thingy where they raise money, organises helps at school events, she's a school governor, she volunteers in the community, baked for events etc. Before you all ask how I know all this, as above, she's quite open plus she's at every single school event helping and gets mentioned in the school newsletter a lot as well as stuff in the community. They go away to see friends and family at the weekend too. Their life is non stop which is great for them and obviously works for them but I'm sat here with no energy thinking how?! I'm not judging in any shape or form, I'm just in awe how they get it all done.

I consider myself quite an active & busy person but I just couldn't imagine having all the time for this. I'm not working (I have a disabled DS with high care needs) and my dh works long hours but when he's home he's a fabulous dad and chips in around the house, cooking etc. When DS is at school as well as my younger DC I usually potter around doing housework etc, I am pretty house proud. Some weeks I have more time than others depending on appointments, school meetings etc etc. My dc come home from school, we eat dinner, clean up, do homework and baths and it's pretty much bedtime.

I'm exhausted and I don't do half as much as her.

I do like being at home and not going out much which does hold me back. I do like the quiet life and routine is very rigid in our house.

I am sat exhausted here now with little energy left!

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Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:12

Probably shouldn't have been post in Aibu, sorry!

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changeisuponthem · 11/10/2022 14:13

I bet their house stinks OP. How do they have time to do their housework and all the washing etc with all those DC as well as themselves?

I wouldn't envy that!

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Topgub · 11/10/2022 14:15

Not for me and wouldn't envy it /wish for it but each to their own

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Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:17

Topgub · 11/10/2022 14:15

Not for me and wouldn't envy it /wish for it but each to their own

I don't really envy the lifestyle, I'm not fussed on getting involved things with more than I have to. It's just how little energy I have in comparison. She's non stop x

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DenholmElliot1 · 11/10/2022 14:18

changeisuponthem · 11/10/2022 14:13

I bet their house stinks OP. How do they have time to do their housework and all the washing etc with all those DC as well as themselves?

I wouldn't envy that!

Yeah, she probably lives in a horribly dirty house. Each to their own.

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LeningradSymphony · 11/10/2022 14:19

The energy levels you have are dependent on soooo many things, many of which aren't down to you. She might be one of those people who is just brimming with energy and has to be moving all the time, or running from something... or just enjoys being busy!

Try not to compare yourself to her, there really is no need to. Do you feel inferior or something? Most people don't do a quarter of that, many people just get up, go to work, have a hobby maybe, meet up with a friend every few weeks, and spend the evenings watching Netflix. That's normal day to day life.

She might get it all done cos she has help from family. Or they won the lottery on the quiet and pay for help. Or any number of things.

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Angelinflipflops · 11/10/2022 14:19

Exercise is good for energy

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Topgub · 11/10/2022 14:20

Why one earth would they have a dirty house?

If you dont want their life @Userno46477473636274 you don't need their energy

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Rayn22 · 11/10/2022 14:21

I have a friend like that and it knackers me watching her! I guess she is more bothered about what people think than me and keeps up the expectations as she feels guilty for having four kids. She is up at the crack of dawn at the gym, works, runs a business and all the other shit. Think she is slowing down how as she gets older though as she had children quite young!

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Harridan1981 · 11/10/2022 14:22

Why would there have to be some negative downside? Some people just do have more energy and capacity all round. As the saying goes, if you want something doing ask a busy person.

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WinterCollieWobble22 · 11/10/2022 14:22

I don't think their lives sound better at all

There's a lot to be said about slow living

Just "be". And enjoy it.

When her children are older they may never feel settled or happy with what they have as they grew up being busy busy busy

I grew up with parents who took us on holiday a lot. And I have to be honest, I struggle to sit down and relax. I struggle with being at home at day.

I'd love to just "be" 😊

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AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 14:23

A lot of people find the more they do the more they can do. They say if you need something sorting you ask a busy person. Beyond circumstances like ill health it’s down to choices and priorities. I’m sure she gets tired too but she must think the things she uses her energy to do are worth it.

The comments about her house are presumably meant to be funny but they’re quite unpleasant. Maybe she and her husband are very efficient and manage to do it all and maintain a nice home. And the less you’re home the less mess you can make.

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FourTeaFallOut · 11/10/2022 14:25

It would be wasted on me, I like doing nothing - it's one of my favourite things and the rest of life is a bit of an intrusion. I think I was a cat in a past life.

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SeaToSki · 11/10/2022 14:27

My SIL is like that, and I am more like you. There are positives and negatives to both types of person. I personally think that my SIL is running from some mental demons and if she sits down to do nothing she feels guilty, unworthy and cant relax. So she gets a lot done, but isnt actually very happy. In contrast, I am quite happy to potter, see people once in a while and comfortable with my own company for some of the time…but I dont get half as much done. Horses for courses as the old saying goes.

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PrancerandDancer · 11/10/2022 14:30

Many correct guesses here! I am very busy out of the house.


As for my house.... Well I'm just looking at the jobs that need doing now and deciding to sit on mumsnet with a brew instead 😂😂

I used to have a spotless house but less Hobbies activities and I wasn't happy. Now I have a less tidy house and feel better. Do what works for you.

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Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:30

Thanks all. My post was no hate towards my neighbour. Sadly I am guilty of comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate a lot, I grew up with parents who compared me to everyone and everything both positively and negatively depending on their moods, it does have an effect!

even other families seem to do a lot more than we do! I'm just bloody knackered constantly especially at this time of day, I seem to slump. I'm far from a lazy person butt my energy levels are low at the minute!

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AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 14:31

Have you had your iron levels checked?

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outtheshowernow · 11/10/2022 14:35

Maybe she's on drugs

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LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 11/10/2022 14:37

I think many mums are like the one you describe - and equally many are not! Don’t forget that all the virtue signaling on FB etc. might be exaggerated. If you’re happy with what you and yours do, that’s enough!

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ToooMuchToDo · 11/10/2022 14:38

OP! Things are not always as they seem. I am maybe a bit like this person. I work a lot, commute often 2 hours a day for work, take my children to a competitive sports club every day evening and often in the mornings too - getting up at 4am to commute them an hour for a 5:30am start! Our weekends are jam packed with sports competitions, outings etc..

To the outside world maybe I seem like the energiser bunny..

BUT... DH and I are both knackered! I mean, completely and utterly drained permanently! My personality is such that when I see people I'm always smiley and chatty etc... but at home I literally just want to collapse in a heap!

My DH and I regularly joke that we are having breakdowns, but simply don't have time to fit the breakdowns in! Sometimes I live on coffee, protein bars and nicotine gum just to keep me awake.

It is not a lifestyle you should wish for. We are doing it because my children's sport means the world to them, and we have to sustain it for them. We also both need to work. We have lots of other worries people don't see as well which means changing the work etc.. isn't an option.

To be honest, I am v envious of friends of mine that can seemingly lead a more chilled life.

Life is not always greener on the other side.

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MeowMeowPowerRangers · 11/10/2022 14:38

She must be on speed. Who an earth has time for that shit? Grin


I know how you feel though, I used to be a quite high energy type of person but now going food shopping exhausts me.

Sometimes it's nice to just sit and do nothing.

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Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:39

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 14:31

Have you had your iron levels checked?

Yes and all good! I do get up early (5.30am) and tend to potter around all day and my DS does not sleep well. I struggle to relax and quite often pottering around at home in the garden so I'm not inactive but I don't have the energy for much more than kids and basic day to day things 😭

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Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:40

Userno46477473636274 · 11/10/2022 14:30

Thanks all. My post was no hate towards my neighbour. Sadly I am guilty of comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate a lot, I grew up with parents who compared me to everyone and everything both positively and negatively depending on their moods, it does have an effect!

even other families seem to do a lot more than we do! I'm just bloody knackered constantly especially at this time of day, I seem to slump. I'm far from a lazy person butt my energy levels are low at the minute!

I worded that wrong. There's never really a positive way to compare your children to other children but what I mean is that they'd compare me to other children in a way that was meant to make me feel better at the time!, but it could also go the other way!

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Angelinflipflops · 11/10/2022 14:41

If you're constantly knackered you maybe need some lifestyle changes, maybe she fits exercise into her week?

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thinline · 11/10/2022 14:41

Comparison is the thief of joy x

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