I wish I had her energy!!

What's the point in a snide comment like that? Does it somehow make you feel better about yourself to be snarky about a total stranger?

I know two sorts of people like the op is talking about.

Yes, 1 sort has a house that is very untidy to put it mildly. Each to their own.

The other sort, is ironing and sorting packed lunches at 11pm, after having done everything else.

I thought this about a neighbour. I didn’t know much about her but our DC had one out of school activity in common. She’d be driving them to and from all cool calm and collected and I would have loved to have some of that composure - I’m more frazzled mum 99% of the time. Anyway, we learned over time that she was raising her DC single handedly as the dad was not on the scene, and one of the DC was an absolute handful resulting in her getting summoned to offices all the time. Careful what you wish for, I’d say, I’m happy with my lot. As for the neighbour, good for her but it’s not for you.

This is your answer! You’re dealing with a huge amount, emotionally and mentally if not physically. If this neighbour had your burdens she would be doing less other stuff too.

have you heard that phrase “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”? You’re doing incredibly important valuable work in raising a human being with complex needs.

you’re in no way inadequate or not working hard enough!

I wonder if some energy is being taken up by emotional/mental processes that you can afford to shed, like comparing yourself to others and being self-critical. Those are tiring things to carry internally.

Give yourself a break!

Cannot believe that this has turned to housework. Productive woman = Messy house. You fucking scolds! Would this be said if the person was a man?

High energy people exist and it can be circumstantial and or biological. The most productive and creative person I know has ADHD.

I said yabu because sometimes always being on the go is much less healthy than it appears. I know people that live their lives like that because they are genuinely afraid of sitting still and resting and they can't relax at all. Plus it sounds like you do absolutely loads as it is your time is just spent with different priorities.

Fuck yes @PersonaNonGarter 👏

I know someone like this... Every minute of every day for the kids is scheduled. One activity after the other. I will never forget one day the boy said he was desperate for a poo and mum looked at her watch with panic trying to work out when there was time to fit the poo time into their busy schedule.

wtf what an odd thing to,write.

OP, I'm probably one of those people who seems to do a lot. I have a "big" job, I volunteer as a charity trustee and as a school governor, I care for elderly relatives, I support my dd's involvement in a lot of activities and I do quite a lot to help out friends and neighbours. I guess I just like to be busy because I get quite low if I'm sitting round with nothing to do. However, my house is a mess, I don't exercise enough and I don't sleep enough, so it isn't as if I've got it all sussed.

I wouldn't underestimate the physical and emotional energy that it probably takes to care for a disabled child, not to mention the fact that you obviously stay on top of stuff at home.

For some people, staying busy is a kind of coping mechanism. If I stopped, there is a danger that I would just sink into depression...

If she doesn't also have a disabled son please don't compare yourselves OP.

She sounds like a born over achiever - each to their own ofc, but some people just get a buzz from cramming their lives with responsibilities. Not healthy for everyone x

She may be one of those people literally incapable of sitting down and taking time out. I would not want to be like that.

You should never compare. Your energy, your body, your mental heath, those around you helping and supporting all play a big part.

She is a Jack Russell, you are a Greyhound. Both beautiful, both needed in this world but incomparable. Personally I'm a sloth and proud of it 😆

A close relative is one of the Energizer bunny people. He just can't stop - every moment is filled with being productive: he builds, he grows most of his food, cooks to astonishing level, fixes stuff, runs successful businesses, runs marathons, writes...

He comes from serious poverty overseas and a single parent home, where his ability to turn his hand to anything was the saving of them financially. It has costs. He found parenting hard, because it's all about patience. His body is knackered by all of the exercise.

Otherwise I agree with PPs who think the comparison you are feeling is the physical toll of other stuff. It's a focus thing imho. We have babies and an 8 hour shift not daring to take your eyes away in case one falls head first off a sofa is the most tiring thing in the world. And yet we've hardly left the living room.

Some people like to be occupied constantly and like to go out every weekend or away. Personally I enjoy a few evenings out a month, maybe one trip to the theatre and perhaps a day out at a push. In a month, that’s me done! I’m working full time in a busy job, kids are teens or adults (one left at home full time) and all the stuff I planned to do once the kids were older is on the back burner as I’m exhausted! I do enjoy travelling and will get back to that more once the kids have all left school

So true! I am one of these high energy people and from the outside look like your neighbour. I also have ADHD and am on stimulant medication (aka speed). I am mentally and physically incapable of slowing down and other people find me exhausting. There is always more going on beneath the surface. Best thing is to be kind to yourself and not compare.

If you declutter and spend a lot of time out of the house, cleaning is simple. Being out means that you tend to gather less stuff. Cleaning isn't that complicated or time consuming, if everyone gets involved.

She sounds like she likes being part of groups and engaging with people.a lot.

Agree that she might find it hard to just be because she doesn't want to face herself..but equally she may just be really sociable. I'm quite busy but with things away from people.unless I'm at wk. You mention you have a disabled child: that will take a little of your energy and is a big thing to be coping with.

Don't like this phrase but "you do you!" Comes to mind. Be happy with what you do that works for you and your family. Baking cakes for endless sales and writing up minutes at committees is great if you.like that kind of thing. Wouldn't be for me though.

And also...looking back at your original comment..you probably are expending as much if not more energy than her, doing your stuff.

If you have a high needs disabled dc, who doesn't sleep well, I would guess that's where a lot of your energy goes. I know, because I do too. Days she sleeps well are completely different to days she doesn't. That's without factoring in all the appointments and meetings etc. You are probably equally busy, just in a different way.

The more you do the less you get tired.

When I didn't work small things made me shattered. Things like the school run, shopping, I was very meh. No energy.

Once I started working and had to get up early I was a very busy and organised person. I had much more energy. I was much more sociable and happy.

Even now my life has slowed down as my dc aren't little anymore and I'm in the job I studied for I still find the busier I am the more energy I have.

I can sit and I can potter, if I potter for too many days I lose energy and motivation. Exercise also gives me tons of energy.