Have I done anything wrong? Am I a bad person?

[SPH112]

Last night I hopped in the bath about a hour after my partners DD had gone to bed. She woke up and needed the toilet and my DP had a big go saying she should have gone before bed but was too lazy to do so before bed. So I get out and wait in my towel to get back in and it's pretty cold. Her DD said I won't be long to me and I say yea ok, can you please hurry up. She goes back to bed, I hop back in the bath. All fine.

Tonight I get a message from DP saying your reply to DD last night made her cry. I said what reply, she says "just hurry up". I said I definitely didn't use those words as that's quite blunt and abrupt. Then told her what I actually said and apologies if I had in fact upset her DD. She asked why I was getting funny and I just said we'll I hadn't said those words and I feel you're making out I've been horrible and I'm being scapegoated and you had a really big go at her so maybe that's why she was upset. She called me selfish and said I should think about how I've made a child feel.........even though I'd apologised a few times by this point.
She then said she was absolutely furious with me and I should think before my next reply........ I said I'm sorry I didn't mean to make her cry, what I said wasn't bad. She replied well you have (made her cry)

Am I a bad person here??

For context there's been some issues between us the last couple months. I almost walked away but stayed and tried to work things out and see if she would change

That's really harsh. I definitely don't like the drama and had been spending less time at their house recently due to other behaviours my partner had been displaying

I don’t know why the OP is getting a hard time from some.
It’s perfectly normal, if having to get out of a bath, cold and wet, to let someone in to use the bathroom, to say hurry up or be quick.

i agree the child blamed you because she didn’t want to make your partner more angry by saying it was them who upset her.

I'm not trying to be harsh but variations of this scenario keep being posted along with the same advice. It's hard to know what to suggest without some idea of what's really behind this. People can give advice on how to break up, how to negotiate dating someone with a child etc. but if that's not what the issue really is then it's not helpful.

Yes.

I think you should tell DP that this is what you feel. It sounds like this relationship has a lot of problems.
I feel sorry for the dd, it sounds like her mum thinks it's fine for her to be mean to dd but she is defensive and over the top if anyone else says anything even vaguely critical. That swinging between over reacting herself and no one else being allowed to correct dd in any way is really not healthy IMO.

Why does this matter? OP is obviously a woman, but why ask?

It’s relevant for the situation. If you’re a little girl and a naked man who’s not related to you was in your bathroom telling you to hurry up while you go, that would probably be much more upsetting.

Well she called me yesterday I didn't answer as was on the school run. I asked why she called. She said it was to ask how my day was....... she seems to always do this when she goes off on me and just acts like everything is OK. No apology to how she spoke to me or anything. She tried calling again once she put her daughter to bed. I didn't answer.

I know this relationship isn't what I want. I'm just scared of the loneliness that will follow. But I know that's not a reason to stay.

I would leave.

Just too much drama and you will never be accepted by the daughter and it sounds like your partner is not good at managing conflicts.

You don't need all this drama in your life.

Leave them to it.

@Angelinflipflops are you the poster who has the partner who insists you have dinner at the breakfast bar and engage fully in family life. So much so you moved out a month or so ago after she’s been particularly vile to you?

if not I apologise, but if so why on earth did you go back?

Bloody hell@Angelinflipflops t
it tagged you and not @SPH112 weird.

sorry

It already sounds pretty lonely.

Your partner sounds critical and short-tempered OP.

@Mariposista She’s trying to acclimatise to having a new parent in her life. Give her a break. Of course she’s more sensitive to the feedback from her stepmum.

I’ve never heard anyone being kicked out of their bath so someone could wee before. They should wait til the bathroom is free, unless we’re talking imminent toddler accident. It’s going to be 20 mins tops, right?
Well no, not necessarily. I happily spend 90 minutes in the bath.

No that's not me. We have never lived together

She woke up needing a wee, why would you make her wait an hour while you lie in the bath? That's just mean!

You sound mean too. She was asleep, woke up needing a wee, it's hardly bloody 'entitled' is it to need a wee in the night. Yet you'd make her sit while you faffed about in the bath?

so the 1- year old kid wakes up & needs a wee, you'd expect her to wait 20 mins while you drink your wine, read a magazine?

bloody hell. Selfish or what?!

OP,

She's nasty and you are never going to be happy in this relationship.

Stop wasting precious time on the wrong person.

Ditch her.

@SPH112

Your 'partner' sounds 'difficult' (horrible is closer to what I mean).

You & her DD both deserve better. You can walk away from this, it might even help her DD if her mum has more time to just focus on her & not have anyone or anything distracting her. She needs someone to keep an eye on them both though as that's an unhealthy dynamic they have going on there.

find someone who adores you and doesn't make you the scaiegist, life's too short fir this shit!

Thanks, I don't feel like she would have more time for her. I've had to remind her on numerous occasions that work doesn't come first, family does. My partner would just replace the time spent with me with the gym/hobbies/going out. I know her well enough to see that me and her daughter aren't always the top of her priorities

Why are you willing to give your life to some very selfish?