To expect DH to cook the food he buys when he goes shopping?

[legacy]

Cleared the fridge out yesterday, and threw out a huge quantity of old, past-it veg such as sprouts, leeks, courgettes.

DH did some shopping (had a list from me), as we had people coming last night and I was cooking, and he came back with a whole load of (yes, you've guessed it...) sprouts, leeks, courgettes...
I said, "I hope you've planned some meals that include those, because I've just thrown a whole load away"

The thing is, that I plan meals around particular vegetables e.g. beef stew with carrots, fish with peas, roast with broccoli etc etc.
I don't like sprouts, and am not particularly keen on leeks either! DH does about half of the cooking, and I know exactly what is going to happen - he leaves cooking until about 20 minutes before it's time to eat, realises he hasn't got time to prepare anything, and then uses up my 'emergency' food like frozen pizza or makes pasta with a jar of sauce .

He does this with meat sometimes too - comes back with strange cuts of meat which require slow-roasting of something, which sit in the fridge till they go off. Grrrr.....

I just think that if these are things he fancies eating, then fair enough, but he has to cook them? One of the reasons I don't buy them is because I find it harder to incorporate them into my 'repertoire' meals...

Hmm - no replies - OK so it wasn't very interesting

So..... just to update... tonight it was his turn to 'cook' - and what did we have? The extra chilli in the fridge left over from last night (when I cooked), which I was going to freeze for another time

None of the veg listed above btw

I think you both need to plan better.

I htink you're lucky your DP cooks at all! We have take away whenever I don't want ot cook

NAB - I DO plan, which is why I write him a list. That's why I say 'if he wants to eat certain things he should plan a meal with them in...' not just come home with a random selection of stuff which takes his fancy at the supermarket'

Don't think I should feel particularly lucky that he 'cooks' (sic) either - we both work the same number of hours a week, and in theory share the rest of the household stuff.

In our house he simply takes things out of the freezer! That's it. Takes stuff out, doesn't mention it then it goes off and I get

Oh Mars - DH does that too! And I have no idea when it was defrosted, and I don't find it until I've already started cooking soemthing else

Maybe you could meal plan and shop together and then confirm that nights meal at breakfast.

Every sympathy. My DH does that and it drives me to distraction. He can fill a trolley full of stuff and I can't find a meal to cook in any of it.

Shop online. Actually, I've started to get an organic box delivered so I can extend my repetoire (sp?) - found out last weekend that my dad loves curly kale and they used to grow it when he was a kid.

Why don't you freeze the leeks and sprouts if you don't use them straightaway? And things like courgettes (which are out-of-season in the UK!) can be sliced up thinly, longways (use a pototo peeler) and fried up quickly as a veg.

Message withdrawn

I don't think you should feel lucky you're not married in the 50's either, legacy, this isn't the 50's and those who chose to put up with husbands who behave as though it is are not 'unlucky', they are making a choice.

i think you could either incorperate them into your own meal plans, or, on the days you cook something really tasty, serve your husband a dish of sprouts, leeks and courgettes.

If he buys slow roasting meat after you have asked him not to, then if he hasn't used it by the time it's reached the use by, grill it and serve it to him. It will be tough, and rank, and it will teach him to use it properly or eat it poorly cooked.

legacy it wasn't that your post wasn't interesting that you got no replies it was that there was something wrong (technically) and people couldn't get on to mn - I tried a few times at 3 and then 5 and 6 but for some reason it just wouln't post - that's why you've got a big gap between 2.30 when you originally posted and then everyone posted at 7.30 onwards

Anyway, all I was gonna say was my dh is just as bad

Well they aren't exactly hard to incorporate into whatever you are cooking are they?

Adding courgettes to your beef stew or leeks with the fish or with the roast isn't too hard at all.

I suppose I just can't see how these veggies are so different from the ones that you normally use, that they sit on the shelf until they go off.

Maybe involve him in the meal planning so that he gets an equal say in what the veggies to go with the main meal are might be the way forward

Why leave the meat to go past it's use by date though? Why not just freeze it? I freeze almost all the meat we buy to make sure this doesn't happen.

"those who chose to put up with husbands who behave as though it is are not 'unlucky', they are making a choice."

I do have to kind of agree with this.
The original poster says her and her husband share the cooking, but if his efforts are so bad and he wastes (Doesn't actually cook) the food he buys then it still seems a bit lop-sided to me.

I work with someone who's husband calls her to ask how to heat up a chili in the microwave. He has never cooked in the 20 years of their marriage despite my work mate also working full time. When they got a dog (his decision) it was her who walked it, when his mother needs to go to hospital appointments it is my work mate who takes time off work to do it - not him! When her daughter calls her at 2am needing a lift back from town it is my workmate who gets up and goes to get her.

It's a choice she has made - to be walked all over. Seems to be what she wants.

Anyway - back to the original post: you say 'my' emergency food. Surely it's your emergency food? When he goes shopping for food wothout you does he use his money, your money or both of your money? Why not just get him to buy 'emergency' food when he goes, if that's all he's ever going to cook then make him spend his money on that kind of food and you spend yours on proper stuff.

Blanche and freeze the leeks, courgettes and (what else was it?)..

Leeks can be used in place of onions IME; they are exceptionally similar and leeks taste better in things like casseroles/beef stew that you mentioned you already cook.

Buy yourselves a slowcooker - get your DH to bung all the ingredients in in the morning (you can do casseroles, lasagne, roast meats, shepherds pie - all sorts) and forget about it til teatime - even a bloke could do that

If you chop the courgettes really small and add them to a casserole/stew, you won't taste them (says she that hates courgettes and has done this herself).

Hi folks - thanks for the replies - didn't realise there was a problem when i posted, just thought I had no replies

It's not that we have 'his' or 'my' food or money, although I can see why my post might have been interpreted like that.

I think it's just that in my mind I have a set of meals which I can quickly cook, and which I know all the family (kids included) will eat, so I tend to rotate through those.
Because I don't like sprouts, and the kids don't like leeks and courgettes, i tend not to buy them But OK, if DH feels that HE likes them and wants to try to encourage the kids to eat them, fine by me, but it's just that there's a step inbetween buying them, and them being eaten - they need to arrive on the plate!

I can't see how freezing everything would help at all - if he can't see it in the fridge, then he definitely won't see it in the freezer!
When I talk about 'emergency food' I mean the things I keep in the freezer for those times when we literally come in together and need to eat 15 mins later e.g. pizza/ spag bol sauce/ pasta sauces etc.

It annoys the hell out of me when I find DH serving up oven chips and pizza when there is fresh meat in the fridge which needs to be used.

Of course it's really the fact that he's damn lazy/ badly prepared/ doesn't think ahead etc etc that's annoying me. I clearly place a greater priority on getting nutritious, home-cooked food ready for the family than he does.

I've tried prompting him by saying "there's XZY in the fridge" but just get blatantly ignored, or told to stop nagging, so i can't really win. On the rare occasion he DOES cook a 'proper' meal we usually end up eating about an hour later than normal, by which time the kids are grouchy and tired, and it all degenerates from there.

It's all about responsibiliy isn't it? Of course I could devise a monthly meal plan with exact ingredients, and the time he needs to start cooking etc etc, but then it becomes MY responsibility for ALL of it - the whole point is that he is meant to share it.

I can't quite explain why this annoys me SOOO much - it's just that I'm reluctant to take on any more of it - I might as well do ALL the cooking myself if I have to do ALL the shopping/ planning etc?

LewisFan - we have a slowcooker - I bought it for this very reason. DH looks at it at about 6 pm every evening and effectively says 'oh, too late for that then'

Sprouts literally make me gag and I won't eat them. Kids won't eat leeks and courgettes, so it's just a waste, or we end up cooking separate veg for adults/ kids.

I agree, it should be fairly easy to include them in something, but OK, petty I know, but why should I have to do the improvising?? This is it - DH buys them, but NEVER, EVER cooks them. I say to him 'don't buy sprouts, 'cos I keep throwing them out' and he replies "but I LIKE sprouts, and they're good for me, good for preventing testicular cancer, blah, blah" but then when it comes time to cook, he leaves them because he hasn't bothered to think about the time it takes to wash, peel, cut etc. So what does he do - empty a pile of frozen peas into the microwave...

Good idea about the recipes and chef's hat though.

I think it IS the 50's housewife ting that's getting to me - reminds me how my dad used to come back from the allotment and dump a pile of vegetables and mud on the kitchen table then go off and watch TV...

DP is pretty rubbish at planning/cooking meals tbh, he'll happily offer to cook but then looks blank at what to do with the food we have.

If he went shopping I have no idea what we'd end up with, so I do it, I always buy 'emergency food' as you call it so there is something in the freezer but I buy ingredients for the stuff he likes to cook and cooks well (sausage plait or meatballs and spaghetti normally) that way when it is his tunr to cook he has something to use and leaves the 'emergency food' alone.

Could you not change it so you do the shopping and he does something else??

I don't personally think that shopping for food and cooking said food are discrete tasks. Food catering is "whole".

I think you need to sit down with your DH and explain this to him very clearly (and politely), probably putting the accent on "waste of money" (as this is usually an argument that men are sensitive too - if your DH has another argument he is sensitive to, fine, use that one).

So - either he shops to your list and you cook, or he/you shops to his list and he cooks.

Ooh, VS - I don't like that idea at all. If the OP does all the shopping and cooking because her DH is crap at it, how will he ever learn?

No - she has to teach him . Will require much tact and patience, though...

He can still cook, just with what she has bought, if he never uses what he buys anyway what's the point?

I think it's really important that each partner know how to cater (= plan meals, shop for said meals and cook them). So no - relieving a DH who is crap at shopping isn't going to resolve the issue .