To not understand this (new) rule that you can't be friends with people half your age?

[VatofTea]

I'm 43 and have recently been exposed to a new friendship circle of people who are predominantly 20-30, some are older. Given that I'm single and my kids are teenagers, I'm interested in getting out socializing, just having fun. I'm interested in making friends with people who are carefree and available to socialize, so that means not stuck in the early childminding rut or really expensive mortgage/high outgoings phase of life.

I ve noticed several threads where people are suspicious of friendships with large age gaps....I don't get it. I've also noticed IRL one young woman was very cold to me, that's fine, I don't need to be friends with people that are disinterested, but I found her coldness rude and unnecessary. This person is now trying to connect on LinkedIn, eh No, you don't get to be rude IRL and then try to make a connection for your benefit. I'm friends with people who are 10 and 20 years older than me, I don't consider it odd or rude or suspicious if people of all age ranges want to socialize.

Most people just want a gang to go out and watch some live music with.....what's wrong with that?

My school friends are either broke (mortgages), childrearing small kids, or going through break ups, or have moved away....very few want to go out socialising.....there are also lots of strange jealousies and arguments as well thrown into the mix.

AIBU to think it is a little paranoid to be automatically suspicious of friendship age gaps?

I agree OP. I've never understood this idea that you should only be friends with people your own age. It works both ways too - it's also seen as weird if you have friends who are quite a bit older! I am in my 40s. One of my best friends is 15 years younger than me. I also have a friend who's 93! And 2 women who are in their 60s. Plenty of younger friends too and friends my age. People are just people. I don't think age makes much difference. Talk to anyone in their 80s and they'll tell you that mentally they feel the same as when they were in their teens. Some people have such rigid ideas.

What rule? I have friends 10-15 years younger than me. Once you are an adult of an age (say mid 20s) it doesn't matter. Not sure I'd have anything in common with someone I would be old enough to be their parent but after a certain point that disappears too (so a 40 year old probably has more in common with a 60 year old than a 20 year old, if you see what I mean).

I’ve experienced this too.

at my last job my coworkers that were under 30 called us over 40s “The Olds” and would leave us out of a lot of stuff. And many treated us with disdain.

it’s so strange cause one of my closest friends is 20 years older than me. I usually make friends based on personality and how we get along not age.

Bizarre

In real life lots of people have friendships with big age gaps.

Our little work friendship group includes one 20 something, a 40 something a 50 something and a 60 something.

Previous work gang the ages were something like 23, 26, 30, 39, 50, we all got on well and stay in touch having left and moved on.

Through my main hobby I have friends in their 20s and 60s.

My DH was out with mates from his hobby at the weekend and was the only under 50 present with many of the people being in their 60s and 70s.

It is often a thing if you are childless as from your mid twenties into your 40s people your own age aren't socialising much due to children, so you naturally end up being left with older or younger friends. Whereas people with kids get new friends via NCT or the school gates who tend to be the same sort of age.

I'm 48 and have really good friends ranging in age from 33 through to 68. Sometimes you just meet people you click with and that's it. I don't see what the issue is!

I think that most often friendships are formed when people come together regularly for something, be it work, children or an activity etc. If you work and do activities that appeal to a wide age rage of people, it is completely normal to form friendships with people of different ages. Likewise, you don't come across people of different ages in daily life, you won't tend to have them as friends.

It’s a funny one, on one hand age is just a number, yet it also is everything. I think it is easier to choose to be friends with someone older then yourself. However (paradoxically) younger (teens to 30s) seem to view older people as a parent or grandparent, not a friend. Once people get past a ‘certain’ age, that no longer seems to be a factor in choosing friendships- maybe due to growing confidence, self knowledge or maturity. Or perhaps because at a certain point individuals begin to value that an older person does have more experience in life/subject area and that maybe the younger person has lost the callowness of youth, whereby they think they know it all.

I'm late forties and one of my very good friends is 74. What's odd about that? Maybe those of us that don't categorise people by age are just more accepting of our fellow man. I don't feel the need to surround myself with other versions of me.

I'm late 30's & have friends from early 20's to 70's and get on well with all of them. They are friends too, not just people I know.
When I was early 20's, I had a very good friend in her late 30's.
I don't know if its because I tend to get along with pretty much anyone but I enjoy having so many different people at varying stages of life to spend time with.

I don't think it's age gaps within friendship groups that many posters on here think much of if we're being honest.

It's more the 'my 50 year old husband has started constantly chatting to / about the 25 year old new woman at work and now he is going clubbing with her' posts that raise eyebrows.

I have friends of all ages through crafting groups.

There's a difference between people coming together over a shared interest and someone massively out of place in an obvious way for a, frankly, blindingly obvious reason.

Most people can spot the difference very quickly and are bright enough to understand what's going on.

You sound like one of those 'I only get on with men, other women hate me...' women. A combination of stealth boast and internalised ( in this case) ageism.
Nothing whatsoever wrong with having friends of any age. Not so keen on the generalisations about women your own age though.

I very much doubt older people are constantly back stabbing you. I think you probably assume that because you've lost weight and are doing fun things with young people they must be jealous of you, and are possibly projecting a bit tbh.

My best friend is 73, I'm 40.

No, I most certainly enjoy the company of women, don't think the world revolves around me.... Or indeed weight.

The only real important thing is if you have stuff in common.

I remember at uni there was a 50 year old that hung out with the 20 year olds, and it wasn't weird at all, as she had loads of in common (at that moment in time) with the 20 year olds. Routine, interests, aims, goals, drink appetite....

One time the 30 year old lecturer came for drinks and it was much weirder .

However I would say that things change quickly. So not to expect life long friendships with such big gaps. but if the stars align, why not