To not understand this (new) rule that you can't be friends with people half your age?

[VatofTea]

I'm 43 and have recently been exposed to a new friendship circle of people who are predominantly 20-30, some are older. Given that I'm single and my kids are teenagers, I'm interested in getting out socializing, just having fun. I'm interested in making friends with people who are carefree and available to socialize, so that means not stuck in the early childminding rut or really expensive mortgage/high outgoings phase of life.

I ve noticed several threads where people are suspicious of friendships with large age gaps....I don't get it. I've also noticed IRL one young woman was very cold to me, that's fine, I don't need to be friends with people that are disinterested, but I found her coldness rude and unnecessary. This person is now trying to connect on LinkedIn, eh No, you don't get to be rude IRL and then try to make a connection for your benefit. I'm friends with people who are 10 and 20 years older than me, I don't consider it odd or rude or suspicious if people of all age ranges want to socialize.

Most people just want a gang to go out and watch some live music with.....what's wrong with that?

My school friends are either broke (mortgages), childrearing small kids, or going through break ups, or have moved away....very few want to go out socialising.....there are also lots of strange jealousies and arguments as well thrown into the mix.

AIBU to think it is a little paranoid to be automatically suspicious of friendship age gaps?

I wouldn't worry about what anyone says. They don't live your life.
A mix of ages is more fun.

Funny about the young woman who was rude but then tried to connect on LI.

Sometimes certain people do dismiss at first until they figure out you have means to do something for them. Good thing they show their true colours straight away.

I always panic when I see those posts - I'm friends with many people at work and in real life who are 30 years older than me!! I'm not after anyones husband or wife - we're all just actual friends!

I voted YABU, because you have made up a rule just to complain about it. It's not because a few people on mumsnet say something that it's suddenly a rule. Also I agree with the person who said you are being disingenuous, plus this is a TAT.

I don't think there are any rules, though there are always a few people who will make up silly ones. Just ignore those and carry on.

I wonder if you might be overreacting a bit about the young woman who was "cold" to you and then tried to connect on LinkedIn. As it's unlikely she's following some nonexistent rule about age gaps in friendships, maybe she was shy rather than cold, or had something on her mind. I would avoid leaping to conclusions too quickly if you want to make new friends.

I used to think this. My sister had friends of all different ages and I thought it weird. I was a nob though.

I think it was because she was working with all different ages where I was at university and most students were my age.

As soon I had got a full time job I realised how silly I'd been.

I've just seen the thread I think you are referring to. This is something totally different to having friends of different ages. It sounds like there is more going on in their situation.

I am 53, I am close to long standing work colleagues (7 yrs) who are still in their 20s and happily socialise with them.
At the other end of the scale I was distraught when my 92 year old next door neighbour died. She was an amazing friend, full of fun, followed the England team all over the world and was always up to mischief. She mixed the best "old fashioned" cocktails.
Friendship shouldn't have age limits.

You’re old enough to do what you want, when you want and with whom you want providing it’s not hurtful. So be friends with who you want and brush off comments like water off a duck’s back. Who cares?

It's always a bit of a red flag when someone says that people their own age are mean and backstabby, just like when someone says they prefer not to be friends with other women because they're bitchy. Is it your own ageism speaking? Or people your own age not warming to you?

The young woman who was cold doesn't have to want or accept anyone else's friendship. Adding on LinkedIn is very low stakes, and if you are colleagues it's common to connect anyway, it's good for the business. Rejecting it makes you sound like the petty one.

The other age gap relationships called out tend to be older men and younger women, which can be fine, but very often the women often clueless about how the men are really feeling - and can be very damaging for relationships.

Predominantly support for friendship of all ages, great!!

I'll continue to make suggestions for nights out, and if people want to go, wonderful.

I don't know of any such rule but I'm just friends with anyone who I like spending time with regardless of age. In fact this weekend we've got friends coming for dinner. One couple are late 70's, the other couple early 40's and we're late 50's/early 60's. My DS (25) will also be joining us. So effectively it will be 4 generations worth of friends. We all share a common hobby and get on great. Age doesn't come into it.

My colleagues (and some ex colleagues) are all in their 60s and I get on very well with them. I'm 47.

Also I agree with the person who said you are being disingenuous, plus this is a TAT.
Yes, they're both very different situations.

There is no rule, I have friends of all ages but I also think the ages of 25 - 65 are generally very close generationally, probably due to everyone being in the work place.

However, what I would say as a word of caution, is to remind you that whilst you might not feel any different to when you were 22 now, to some who are that age, anything over 30 seems 'ancient'!! (I recall bemoaning a certain night club when I was 18/19, because "omg all the blokes in here are like, over 30"😁

I am an 'old mum' and am sometimes the age of some of my children's friends grandparents,I tried to get chatting to one mum who's daughter had befriended mine, and I was literally getting nothing back, it was only when I realised the age difference that I thought maybe she was wondering why this ancient old lady of 46 was trying to talk to her!! 😅

For the back stabby comment - I should say front stabby: Some women my own age and slightly older (ten years older) have openly analyzed my body shape to my face, said I had a flat arse (lol....ridiculous....I've recently lost weight) and have made some other very personal and inappropriate comments. Commented on my skin, I have a large freckle on my face, commented quite spitefully that it was an age spot, I would never pass remarks like this, and it has stung, so I'm a little cautious of those "mean girls", there are other people in that age bracket who are very nice.

And the cold girl, was actively rude too, I don't really want to connect with her any further. Even though I hold no ill will to her. Gosh people read red flags into anything.

Well it's not a "rule" by any definition of the word. It's just the view of a bunch of (vocal) oddballs.

Weirdly I have found the opposite to MattDillonsEyebrows. I was the youngest mum at first time mums group and never really thought anything of the mums in their 40s. I am somewhere in the middle of my DS2s class and everyone has just mixed really nicely and meet up together/separately with no issues. At 18/19 I much preferred 30 yo men so would have been happy with that lol.

I have loads of friends who are old enough to be my mum. I don't care. I don't really have any friends much younger than me though, maybe that's weird.

People are ridiculous, aren’t they? I’m a similar age to you OP, and I have a friend who’s 30, and another who is nearly 61. Both are lovely. I also get on with my mother’s friends (as I’m an old soul apparently?!), but age is just a number obviously unless it’s an oldie pursuing a youngster inappropriately!

I have noticed that there is a reluctance in the generation of 20-somethings to mix with or even acknowledge people older than 30s.

I find the opposite. I have friends that I made when I was 50 and they were in their 20s/early 30s. I was impressed that they were able to see me as a friend, because when I was that age, it wouldn't have occurred to me and my friends to see someone in their 50s as friend potential.
I think young people are much more open to intergenerational friendships than they used to be.

I'm in my my 60s now, and my best friend of 15 years is 40.

Oh it’s only an issue when it involves an older man…because he must be trying to sleep with her or he already is.

I was good friends with an older manager at a previous workplace. Everyone talked about us sleeping together and how I must be sleeping my way up the career ladder. If my manager was a woman, no one would bat an eyelid.

It’s not about age - it’s about sexes and the stereotypes people have.

Generally not but I raised an eyebrow - both actually- when I met an ex with his current beloved. 26 years younger!😧shudder.

I'm 42 and my best friend is 60.

Don’t worry about what other people think.

My mother is in her 60s and has long-standing close friends ranging from 30s to 80s. She always has had a wide range of friends, she's a very popular person to be honest. I don't think that's weird at all - more of a testament to her character! She also gets on really well with the girls in their late 20s at her workplace, but I wouldn't class them as proper friends. I think she feels more like the workplace mother figure than anything else - something she really enjoys I suspect, knowing what she's like.

My friends are all my own age, but now I'm getting into my mid twenties I expect that will start to change soon.