To take my middle child away for the weekend in her own ?

[LastcallingforMimi]

Ex says I am.

Middle child who is a not yet a teenager asked me if I would take her to Paris to see the Mona Lisa for her birthday present. She is an utter history nerd like me, it’s not so much Art focused but the history behind it. She has been looking at what other historical paintings are housed there. She also wants to visit the Eiffal tower

Shes asked if we can go alone. I am
REALLY excited about it. This is a treat for me too! I’ve looked at the flights and they are really cheap so it’s totally doable!

Oldest - who is actually an adult wants to come now, she’s been a few times before not to the Louvre as things like that are not her style. If she comes ill end up footing the bill, she will rush us round and create a different itinerary. I’ve already said a firm no.

Youngest who is 6 wants to come just because we’re going and doesn’t want to miss out - and who would blame her but would find it all really boring. And we would have to rush round. And I feel bad about her, we’ve had tears today and she will be distraught when we go 🙈

Ex is saying I should take youngest as it’s not fair she misses out on a ‘holiday’.

AIBU 😩

Can you not take youngest on a holiday when her birthday comes around?

Yanbu, IF you take each of the others for an equivalent amount of time doing something they're equally into when they are an age to appreciate it.

I have three, and I take each of them for one-to-one time as I think it's good for them to get some undivided attention occasionally.

We are having a family holiday two months later

Sounds lovely and one to one time is important - but I do think you owe your six year old a special 1:1 trip they’d enjoy too, even if it’s not abroad. Assuming they get an opportunity too then it seems very reasonable to give your daughter what she’s asked for.

As long as they all get 1 to 1 trips abroad I don't think yabu.

Eldest and I went on many holidays by own self.

But yes to youngest having a night away somewhere. That’s a good idea

I routinely take each of my four dc away for a night or two for some 1:1 time, I think it’s important. They all know they will get their own special trip.

Could you take your six year old away for a special treat before you go to Paris . Then they will hopefully understand that ‘ you did x with mummy now it’s your sisters turn to do y ‘. It might help them make sense if it

Presumably your middle child will be going on the family holiday as well, so really this doesn’t ‘count’ if you see what I mean . I do think that the 1:1 nature of the break , having a great time with mum should be something that all your children should experience

My DD takes her eldest, of two children away for her Birthday. So does her Auntie. It's either split them or the eldest misses out. The youngest is still into soft play, playing on the beach etc, whereas the eldest isn't. So they both have days and short holidays just for them.

I think it sounds lovely. And it’s absolutely fine to do different, and interest-appropriate things with each child. 6 year old will hate the Louvre, and to be honest I don’t think Paris is ideal for a young one, unless it’s Disney.
Enjoy your trip.

Yes I would do this but certainly as people have mentioned only if you took your other kids away 1-2-1 also. Otherwise they will remember this and it will cause resentment.

Would the 6yo like a trip to an age-appropriate attraction eg Legoland, one weekend be doable?

My siblings and my mum have always gone away for 1:1 trips. I loved it, and I really hope I can do the same for me DD.

Just make sure it doesn't end up as if you're favouring the middle child from your other kids' perspectives.

Day out or U.K. overnighter, fine; weekend in Paris, not fine. Too special, IMO. But you need to be assertive about ensuring your middle one gets to do her thing rather than let either of the others dictate the activities.

I think it's fine (and I think a lot of other posters are missing that it's your middle daughter's BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Your older/younger daughter don't get to piggy back on the trip (or to get an "even things up" trip) unless it's THEIR OWN birthday present!)

Come on, weekend in Paris for a pre-teen’s birthday present. Grown women don’t get that level of treat.

Yanbu. I’d say to eldest and youngest that they can have 1 on 1 trips to Paris for their birthdays but this one is for you and middle dd. I doubt they’d want to switch whatever they want for this specific trip! They just don’t want to miss out (understandable but you need to say it’s a no on this one as it’s a special birthday treat).

She would love a night away at Alton towers ect.. but would miss her big sister and want her to come. I feel a bit guilty now ..

Adult DD needs to accept that no is no on this. OP says she had her share of 1 to 1 trips as a child. Adults don't need 'make up' trips. The 6 yo should get her own trip somewhere though.

No I never got that treat! But my dd has asked and I’m all over it!

I agree. Adult Dd won’t be getting any make up trips.

It should be fair not equal. Take the youngest on her own special adventure. That for them may just be a day out, doing something they really love with your undivided attention. As for your eldest she is a grown up and should understand you want to make this a special trip and perhaps the two of you could plan something in the future.

Don't feel guilty @LastcallingforMimi. If your DD will enjoy it, and you can afford it, do it. It will be an amazing memory for you both.

If DD 6 yo would struggle without her sister for a night, could she have a special day trip instead?

I don't think you are being unreasonable if the visit is mainly the history stuff your middle child is into. As long as you arrange outings with each of your other children with things they'd like to do.

I have taken my children away for weekends individually for events and it's been brilliant as it's been totally focused on them, no compromises. Great memory making times. And to me that's essential as I have a life reducing illness so to share their passions and interests makes me explode with joy.