To take my middle child away for the weekend in her own ?

[LastcallingforMimi]

Ex says I am.

Middle child who is a not yet a teenager asked me if I would take her to Paris to see the Mona Lisa for her birthday present. She is an utter history nerd like me, it’s not so much Art focused but the history behind it. She has been looking at what other historical paintings are housed there. She also wants to visit the Eiffal tower

Shes asked if we can go alone. I am
REALLY excited about it. This is a treat for me too! I’ve looked at the flights and they are really cheap so it’s totally doable!

Oldest - who is actually an adult wants to come now, she’s been a few times before not to the Louvre as things like that are not her style. If she comes ill end up footing the bill, she will rush us round and create a different itinerary. I’ve already said a firm no.

Youngest who is 6 wants to come just because we’re going and doesn’t want to miss out - and who would blame her but would find it all really boring. And we would have to rush round. And I feel bad about her, we’ve had tears today and she will be distraught when we go 🙈

Ex is saying I should take youngest as it’s not fair she misses out on a ‘holiday’.

AIBU 😩

Well presumably your middle child hasn't had any time away with you on her own before? I'm surprised by posters saying you owe the 6 year old a night away too if you go. She'll get her turn in a few years when middle child is older! I think it sounds lovely OP

I have literally just got back from Paris an hour ago what an adventure you will have with your daughter

I am married but we both had a night away with each of our kids on our own every year - it is magically and amazing bonding time. We still do it now they are young adults and all look forward to it.

Just ruminating on this some more. When I was young, I would never have dreamed of asking my parents for something that expensive and logistically complicated for a birthday present, because I’d have assumed it was an unreasonable request. If one of my siblings had been less considerate, and the answer had been yes, I’d have been outraged.

Your middle child is bold, I’ll give her that.

You seem weirdly hung up on this. It’s doesn’t have to be logistically complicated at all, presumably OP can afford it, and it would be a great experience for them both to enjoy together.

she can do individual trips with the others too.

Thanks everyone. I’m going to go for it. I know we both will have a blast!

DD 3 had a massive birthday party last year and DD2 hasn’t done anything special since before covid so it really is a special treat for her - and me! I’ll do something similar with my youngest when she is old enough 😁

Absolutely fine to but have you thought about going with all three and the eldest can take the youngest around some fun places whilst you do the art/history stuff with your middle one?

You seem weirdly hung up on this

I know! Why is this bothering me so much? I think I’m looking at it from the perspective of the siblings.

It's an easy train ride from London plus an air bnb.

This is such a lovely plan OP. So lovely. Take your 6 year old somewhere beforehand as suggested.

Go for it. Do something special for the other 2 later… doesn’t have to be right away…

I wouldn’t have either. Wouldn’t have even entered my mind to ask and a birthday meal in macdonalds was about it.

But it’s a different time now and dd1 is cabin crew so travel is something we talk about a lot. Dd2 has seen her in all corners of the word.

OP seems open to taking them all on one-on-one trips, so they won’t be missing out.

my brother and I would go abroad individually with a parent at times. We weren’t resentful because we had the same opportunities. Those were trips we both found valuable, and have a lot of good memories of.

DD1 would absolutely not baby sit for the day if we were in Paris 😂

@HeddaGarbled

& other kids & adults get far more. Life's not fair or equal.

as long as the OP treats all HER 3 girls fairly, it doesn't matter what others do/don't do for Thur birthdays!

@LastcallingforMimi your EX is an EX for 'reasons'!! I'm glad you out your foot down with DD1. She's had lots of trips with you, alone. This DD2's trip, hers ALONE.

DD3 doesn't get to gate crash either, she can have a special time with Daddy while you're away, then she can have a trip with 'just you' somewhere that interests her, for her next birthday (if you can afford it) or her 9th birthday (like DD2)

she's old enough to understand, she might not be happy about it, but that's ok too, it will not hurt her to realise life has disappointments & the world doesn't rotate around her! The youngest in a family doesn't always get that message

Go for as long as you can arrange & have THE MOST Fabulous time with DD2!!
(Prepare her for how small the ML is!)

Some parents take their child away for one night at a certain age.
There's no way I could have afforded to take 3 girls away to Paris at different times in one year. So it's a good job they have 3 years between them all!
You are being very reasonable. You go enjoy Paris with DD2 and DO NOT feel guilty!! Ask DD3 where she would like to go on her special trip in a couple of years too!

I have 3, and I have had 1-2-1 time away with each of them this year, doing what they want to do. It's important to do individual things from time to time. They're all very different, with different interests, so they won't always be interested in the same things to the same degree. My middle child is Harry Potter obsessed, so we went to the cursed child. The youngest would never have made it through the whole thing. It's also important to spend quality time with each on their own. Hold your ground and do what you think is right for your child.