Should I tell MIL not to keep phoning DD19 when we go away this weekend or leave it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi going away with DH on Friday for 2 nights to Paris DD19 is staying behind at home for 2 nights but having a friend round in the evening staying over. Problem is MIL will no doubt be phoning DD19 every min of the day to see how she is which will be too much in a way & DD19 has already said to me I don’t mind her phoning but if it’s all day every min of the day it’s gonna be too much especially if she decides to come round unannounced as I may not be in/May be at friends house. So mumsnetters how do I politely tell MIL yes phone DD to see how she is but not every min of the day constantly. Or AIBU in my thinking and should say no more and leave things as they are

If i was your dd i wouldn't answer the phone...why is Mil checking up on a 19 year old???

At 19 let her figure it herself!

Tell mil, to phone at a certain time, as DD is planning to be out.

I think your daughter is probably old enough to handle this herself now.

Why doesn't DD just ignore the calls?

Yes I will be letting DD19 figure it out herself however just wondering whether I should put in a polite hint or not

Why would you tell MIL if she's likely to ruin DD's weekend ?

You don't tell her. DH, or better still DD tells her.

If your daughter is old enough to be left alone in your home for a weekend she's old enough to deal with minor inconveniences like this on her own.

Tell her to text instead, compromise.

I'd preempt the phoning and text in the morning once she is up and then again in the evening before she has dinner or goes out to eat. If she wants she can give her gran a rough indication of her plans so she knows not to pester her.

Can you just say to MIL - don’t worry about phoning DD as she’s happy to sort herself out, but she (DD) will phone you if she needs anything?

let DD deal with it

Yes good idea could say something along those lines

This is so weird. Why would your MIL be phoning your daughter whilst you are away? Your daughter is 19 not 9. If this were my MIL I'd be telling her to wind her neck in and as politely as possible to mind her own business and leave your daughter alone. Does she phone you all the time?

I’ve only marked unreasonable because at nineteen she should be able to tell her gran herself.

I'd just tell your DD to text MIL in the evening to say all is well and tell mil not to worry about phoning her as she will be fine.

It’s fine if MIL wants to phone once to see how DD is but not to phone her constantly every min of the day & night as that is going to be too much but will tell MIL not to worry about DD19 as she’s going to he studying during the day & will be having a friend one night and the other night will be at a friends house

Thank you for this

Tell MIL this is DD's first big Weekend Home Alone and please not to spoil the novelty ambience by dropping in or multiple texts/calls. You have suggested to DD she text Granny and you an "all OK message" once per day only and you really want MIL 's co=operation.

Why does it matter if your MIL comes round and your daughter isn't in? Surely the worst that can happen is that she works out it's a good idea to check first before she goes over?

Does your MIL literally phone every minute? Why? What does she say?

Why does your MIL even know?

I'd tell her to answer once each day. But then after that just send a text back. The same one each time.
'Hi Gp. I can't answer the phone atm but I'm fine/still fine/having a good time'

MIL sounds stifling. I’d make it clear DD will call her if she needs anything and to only visit if explicitly invited EVEN IF she was driving past —the cul de sac— or just happened to see some food on offer that DD might like, or saw a light was on and thought it should be off, or thought DD might want driving somewhere —or otherwise wants to check DD isn’t having sex or a party— because she sounds like she will.