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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cry while walking the dog today

33 replies

Crybabydog · 09/10/2022 00:00

Be gentle with me please had what I thought was the cold going round ds college all week sore throat headache stuffy nose plus hot sweats which as I am peri menopausal and my period is 3 weeks late thought I was starting menopause finally. I’ve plodded on in work doing housework etc
took ds to work today felt rough and as dsis had invited us for tea as she has just got back off holiday decided to do a covid test as she and dm are vulnerable. Tested positive infront of dh and dd 21 had a quick discussion with them about that’s why I had been having headaches etc sent them out to get more test did a quick hoover clean of the bathroom and sprayed everywhere with anti bac then decided to go back to bed as didn’t feel great

so despite me being in bed feeling unwell which is something I never do dh decides to knock off the old plaster in the porch? We have a plasterer coming out to do this in a few weeks?and blast out rock radio dd then comes in asking what my plans are for the day are we going to see dsis and when I say i am not but she can she thinks I am being moody with her. We get to 6.30 I am lying in bed fan on fan off not eaten all day and the dog is barking I try to ignore him presuming the other 2 well adults dh and dd will take him out but no dd is in her room doing nothing dh is still messing in porch so I get up to take him out muttering something like I would of thought one of them could of taken him out as I felt unwell and dh said it’s not my fault you are unwell
I took ddog out with tears rolling down my face. I didn’t meet anyone and the fresh air probably did me some good. Got back to be met by dd with what’s for tea to which I told her I didn’t want any and was going back to bed until I had to pick ds up but gave her a list of options she could easily make. She has since come into my room accusing me of being moody as has dh when he went to bed as I was getting up to pick ds up

AIBU as I feel quite upset by their behaviour dh who is thankfully not unwell often but is the first to put on the dressing gown of doom and take to his bed forgetting he has a house and children at the first sign of a cold or stomach upset and that dd is at 21 an adult who has recently come home from university after studying psychology could have shown some empathy

OP posts:

Flowersintheattic57 · 09/10/2022 00:09

They do sound massively selfish. Tomorrow I would sit them down and explain the difference between a household appliance and a person who believes their family has their back and would step up when that person had COVID.
And defo be on strike until you are completely better; no laundry, no cleaning, no cooking. Forage for yourself of course if no one is bringing you anything.
Mean buggers!

EasilyAmused · 09/10/2022 00:13

YANBU, they sound selfish! Sorry you're not receiving the sympathy or care you'd expect from your nearest and dearest OP. I hope you feel better soon. In the meantime, disengage with them and concentrate on getting well. Rest, relax and leave them to it x

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2022 00:16

Why did you have to pick up DS?

PinkButtercups · 09/10/2022 00:18

She's 21 she can make her own dinner.

They're all being selfish. Hope you feel better soon.

FurAndFeathers · 09/10/2022 00:18

Sounds like you have a family of selfish unkind arseholes.
sorry OP

CactusBlossom · 09/10/2022 01:55

Explain why you are picking up DS when you are ill with Covid and you have two adults in the house? You need to look after yourself as it sounds like no one else will.

outtheshowernow · 09/10/2022 02:35

I'm in the same posistion. In bed with Covid husband and 3 older kids not one of them has asked how I am or do I need anything. I have looked after all of them for years and years and this is how they repay you. Selfish. Things will change very soon ! I will be looking after myself from now on

mdinbc · 09/10/2022 02:53

Wow, they are selfish. When I had covid, it was good-bye, see you in 5 days as I shut the bedroom door. DH was a dream, getting soup and water for me on a tray left at the door.

I think you need to let them know that you are going to isolate in your home, only come out wearing a mask, wipe up (sanitize) after yourself then back to bed. No driving to pick up anyone, or out walking the dog. It sounds like you could use a few days away... even if it is in your room with a book.

VillanellesCoat · 09/10/2022 03:18

I feel for you, OP. I tested positive today after avoiding it throughout the pandemic & feel lousy. They’re being incredibly selfish. Hope you feel better soon 💐

Fraaahnces · 09/10/2022 03:23

JFC!!! It’s not YOUR fault you have COVID, is it? I would make this my line in the sand and go on permanent Mum strike. Your DH and DD are absolute snots who don’t deserve the ground you walk on.

KangarooKenny · 09/10/2022 07:26

They are very selfish. Poor you 💐

BCBird · 09/10/2022 07:33

Big hand hold to you. You are not being unreasonable. They are being very inconsiderate. I think they are all guilty of taking you for granted.
When you are back in yiur feet withdraw labour. You are not the house keeper. Take care.

Untitledsquatboulder · 09/10/2022 07:37

No use being a doormat and then complaining that people walk all over you. Time to stand up for yourself a lot bit.

MsTSwift · 09/10/2022 07:38

I think this would trigger what in our house is called a flob out. Say loudly and firmly you are Ill you are going to bed food and house work is for them to do for the next 2 days. And you are really disappointed in them.

girlmom21 · 09/10/2022 07:41

Serious conversations need to be had. It doesn't even matter that it's covid. They should have stepped up before that as you've been unwell for days.

Minniem2020 · 09/10/2022 08:15

I feel for you op. This is exactly what would happen in my house. DP hasnt been feeling great so has spent most of the time since Friday in bed. I can feel I'm coming down with it today but it'll be tough shit for me and i

Minniem2020 · 09/10/2022 08:16

Posted too soon, ....and I'll just have to get on. Despite being up most of the night with our 6 month old who is also poorly.

goldfinchonthelawn · 09/10/2022 08:20

YANBU. You are ill.

But instead of simmering, you need to talk to them. Say: I have a hammering headache, please don't knock out the plaster and play loud radio. Would you take the dog for a walk. He is barking and I'm feeling too ill. DD - please can I have a cup of tea. Would you ring Dsis to rearrange.

Just have a calm but very direct chat with them both. Ask for what you need. Too many women hope to get what we want without asking. Even when ill, you have to be assertive, especially if you usually cope all the time.

for you.

Enb76 · 09/10/2022 08:23

Not sure why you just didn’t tell someone else to do the chores - did you ask or did you just expect that they would be done?

If you don’t advocate for yourself no-one else is going to do it for you. When I’m not well I ask my daughter to take the dog and she does, I ask her to cook and she does. It wouldn’t occur to her to do it if I didn’t ask. I think you need to be louder about your own needs in the house instead of being a martyr.

that said, I’m sorry you’re feeling rubbish and hope you feel better soon.

Mindymomo · 09/10/2022 08:26

This was me when all 4 of us here had covid but only 3 had actually tested positive. I had same symptoms but testing negative, so whilst other 3 were in their beds, I was doing drinks, toast, soup etc., and taking our dog out twice a day, which like you did feel it did me good. I tested positive 4 days later, but whilst the others were getting better, I was still the one looking after them. Day 5 my DH got up as football was on BT and had to watch it on downstairs tv, he told me to go to bed. I did and stayed there from 12 midday till the next morning. I was then looked after a bit better. Day after both adult DS’s went back to work.

Crunchymum · 09/10/2022 08:27

I don't understand why you didn't tell DH or DD to take the dog out or to make dinner or to pick DS up?

Yes they are selfish arseholes for not offering but you don't need to be such a martyr.

Sorry you are poorly. I'm just getting over an illness and mine (whilst much, much younger) were told in no uncertain terms what I won't be doing as I was feeling too rubbish.

Permanentterriblehairday · 09/10/2022 08:28

Why didnt you just tell them to take the dog out? Yes they should have just done it without being told but clearly they know you'll do it anyway. You also should have told one of them to pick up ds. If you're ill, you're ill. That means you have to make it clear that you're not going to be everyone's skivvy (which it sounds like you normally are)

If you've previously let this kind of selfishness go unchallenged then that's why they're doing it. Because they know if they don't do it, mum/wifey will, even if she feels like hell.

Shoxfordian · 09/10/2022 08:31

Stop doing any of your usual jobs and tell them they need to do it directly - they sound very selfish

ThePoetsWife · 09/10/2022 08:33

Go on strike.

Vapeyvapevape · 09/10/2022 08:33

I'm sorry you are not well, but stop being a martyr, read them the bloody riot act , selfish gits.

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