To cry while walking the dog today

[Crybabydog]

Be gentle with me please had what I thought was the cold going round ds college all week sore throat headache stuffy nose plus hot sweats which as I am peri menopausal and my period is 3 weeks late thought I was starting menopause finally. I’ve plodded on in work doing housework etc
took ds to work today felt rough and as dsis had invited us for tea as she has just got back off holiday decided to do a covid test as she and dm are vulnerable. Tested positive infront of dh and dd 21 had a quick discussion with them about that’s why I had been having headaches etc sent them out to get more test did a quick hoover clean of the bathroom and sprayed everywhere with anti bac then decided to go back to bed as didn’t feel great

so despite me being in bed feeling unwell which is something I never do dh decides to knock off the old plaster in the porch? We have a plasterer coming out to do this in a few weeks?and blast out rock radio dd then comes in asking what my plans are for the day are we going to see dsis and when I say i am not but she can she thinks I am being moody with her. We get to 6.30 I am lying in bed fan on fan off not eaten all day and the dog is barking I try to ignore him presuming the other 2 well adults dh and dd will take him out but no dd is in her room doing nothing dh is still messing in porch so I get up to take him out muttering something like I would of thought one of them could of taken him out as I felt unwell and dh said it’s not my fault you are unwell
I took ddog out with tears rolling down my face. I didn’t meet anyone and the fresh air probably did me some good. Got back to be met by dd with what’s for tea to which I told her I didn’t want any and was going back to bed until I had to pick ds up but gave her a list of options she could easily make. She has since come into my room accusing me of being moody as has dh when he went to bed as I was getting up to pick ds up

AIBU as I feel quite upset by their behaviour dh who is thankfully not unwell often but is the first to put on the dressing gown of doom and take to his bed forgetting he has a house and children at the first sign of a cold or stomach upset and that dd is at 21 an adult who has recently come home from university after studying psychology could have shown some empathy

So sorry you're feeling unwell op. Once you're better I'd sit them down and explain that this so unkind and selfish of them. If they don't all look suitably ashamed I'd be going on strike and looking after myself and the dog only

Hugs crybabydog .

I agree with others that when you're recovered you need to assert yourself and talk to them in an effort to change the dynamic

I understand the thinking that they are behaving like this because it's the norm in your household that they get away with being selfish .

BUT ,is that it ? People just default to completely selfish (and in this case unkind ,uncaring and ungrateful ) unless a third party (wifey/mum) intervenes and retrains them to be a normal loving person ?

It's almost as if it's all on the OP ,her fault .She's made a rod for her own back and of course those closest to her will beat her black and blue with it .What did she expect ?

The thing is OP this has now happened and you need to address it and move forward.

When you're a bit better I would be telling them both or asking them why they didn't support /help. They may say 'you didn't ask' in which case you need to say that surely if you're I'll in bed it should be obvious. I would then really like change my attitude to doing stuff for them, prioritise yourself, ask yourself each time why you are doing things for them.

Don't say anything, just do it. They will then either have to ask you or moan at you. You can just say you don't understand the problem.

The best thing I did was to put myself above everyone except school age DC. It has changed things in the house and it makes me feel in control. I never rely on anyone or expect anything from them.

I mean fair enough, the usual status quo is theu are selfish and you do everything so you can't expect personally changes. But Im not sure you should have ask them to do tasks as advised. That just cements the idea they are your tasks.

I think you need to enquire why they haven't.

"The dog needs to be taken for a walk. Why haven't you done it?"

"I don't know what's for tea. Why haven't you thought about it and made anything?"

"Why are you removing plaster from the porch and playing the radio loudly when you know I'm ill and in bed?"

Im not sure you should have ask them to do tasks as advised. That just cements the idea they are your tasks.
I think you need to enquire why they haven't.
"The dog needs to be taken for a walk. Why haven't you done it?"

Excellent approach @AnImaginaryCat .I like your style !

Poor you! Covid is awful and it’s even worse when people don’t step up and look after you.

I think though that you’ve been sending out mixed messages - you tested positive and then ran the hoover round. You got up and walked the dog. I can see why your DD and DH might have read that as you feeling ok.

You need to ask for what you need: be clear that you are feeling awful and need to rest. Spell out what needs to be done while you are out of action. Ok in an ideal world people would step in and do it, but that’s clearly not what’s going to happen.

I think though that you’ve been sending out mixed messages - you tested positive and then ran the hoover round. You got up and walked the dog. I can see why your DD and DH might have read that as you feeling ok.
This.

Also muttering and being unclear isn’t helping the situation and is making you look moody.

Be clear: if anyone asks for anything or you notice something needs doing say “I don’t feel well, I’m going to bed. You’ll need to
sort that yourself.”

Rotherweird I completely get what you're saying and "in an ideal world" is just an expression but ...I'm going to say that I struggle with the idea that being considerate is something that happens in an ideal world rather than in an everyday one .