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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder doesn't change DD nappy

85 replies

Mawface · 08/10/2022 18:14

Hi, so I've been using a CM for about 6 weeks 2-3 times a week now.
DD goes to nursery from 8.30 to 11.30 and on the days she goes to CM is picked up about 2.30/3pm. At nursery they have a snack & change at 10.30am but when I pick DD up from CM she has her nursery nappies on.
I know they're the same nappies because I gave the nursery Amazon branded ones (they're orange with elephants so quite distinctive) and when she's been at CM she still has them on. I know most people would say change about 4 hours but on Friday her nappy was huge,the way if you touch it it's wet through?
WIBU to say something? She also doesn't wipe her face at all after eating and when I pick her up she still has lunch on her. I've never used a CM before but when she's done at nursery she's all clean and fresh and it's just so different after CM.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 08/10/2022 21:16

so you send nappiess an she stil cant be bothereed to change-can you imagine what else shes not doing

RedWingBoots · 08/10/2022 21:18

OP please move your child, and report this childminder.

Even if you ask her to change your child's nappy and wipe her face as PPs have pointed out there will be other things she isn't doing.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 08/10/2022 21:30

So you've used this CM about 15 times now?
How many nappies have you given her to use for your DD?
If she's not using them for your DD, where are they now?
Keep looking for a new CM but also be upfront with this one - ask her directly why she has never changed your DD before pick-up, and ask her for the unused nappies back

Katapolts · 08/10/2022 21:36

I don't think it's a big deal that the CM doesn't change a wet nappy in the 3 hours she has her.

If you would like her to be changed though, just ask!

N4ish · 08/10/2022 21:38

Slightly unrelated but I also wouldn’t be thrilled to have my child sitting wearing their jacket on pick up, seems like the CM is very eager to get her out the door. At nursery my child is always playing happily when I arrive not wearing their jacket and waiting for me.

Original poster
Mawface · 08/10/2022 22:07

N4ish · 08/10/2022 21:38

Slightly unrelated but I also wouldn’t be thrilled to have my child sitting wearing their jacket on pick up, seems like the CM is very eager to get her out the door. At nursery my child is always playing happily when I arrive not wearing their jacket and waiting for me.

Tbh I never even thought of it like this but it's opening my eyes more to care she's providing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mawface · 08/10/2022 22:09

RedWingBoots · 08/10/2022 21:18

OP please move your child, and report this childminder.

Even if you ask her to change your child's nappy and wipe her face as PPs have pointed out there will be other things she isn't doing.

I honestly dread to think. I've already started looking elsewhere and I'll be speaking to her next week.

OP posts:
Katapolts · 08/10/2022 22:12

RedWingBoots · 08/10/2022 21:18

OP please move your child, and report this childminder.

Even if you ask her to change your child's nappy and wipe her face as PPs have pointed out there will be other things she isn't doing.

Not sure who you can report a childminder to for not changing a nappy for three hours and not wiping a face?

Ofsted would direct you to speak to your childminder...

TimeToGoUpAGear · 08/10/2022 22:13

Please move her. Your instinct is telling you as well.

We felt the same about a childminder and I wish I'd listened to the niggling doubts

johnd2 · 08/10/2022 22:54

N4ish · 08/10/2022 21:38

Slightly unrelated but I also wouldn’t be thrilled to have my child sitting wearing their jacket on pick up, seems like the CM is very eager to get her out the door. At nursery my child is always playing happily when I arrive not wearing their jacket and waiting for me.

Our childminder is rated outstanding (and obviously so based on our experience being with her for over 2 years) but our son has always been sat in the pushchair ready on pickup, sometimes with food around his mouth although always with a fresh nappy.
She certainly doesn't look after our son exactly how we do, but that's normal as she is not us!.
Our son couldn't care less about food around his mouth (although admittedly he would play for hours in a poo nappy if we didn't insist on changing him, we draw the line there!)

Simple rules...
if something bothers you then mention it
if you don't trust your childminder then move

parsniiips · 09/10/2022 05:47

N4ish · 08/10/2022 21:38

Slightly unrelated but I also wouldn’t be thrilled to have my child sitting wearing their jacket on pick up, seems like the CM is very eager to get her out the door. At nursery my child is always playing happily when I arrive not wearing their jacket and waiting for me.

That isn't a fair comment.

As a knackered, busy working parent with more shit to do after work, I wouldn't want my kid piss arsing about looking for their shoes and coat once I'd arrived. I want them ready to walk out of the door after a quick run down of anything I need to be aware of from the childminder.

It's a childcare setting, basically a nursery at a house, not grandma's.

And to be honest if I was a childminder, and I'd had several kids in my care for the last ten hours, damn right id want them leaving on time.

But the nappy situation is horrible, and needs reporting. That's basic needs of a child not being met.

Meandmrsjonesgotathinggoingon · 09/10/2022 06:34

This is why I could never get on with the idea of a childminder. It seems so hard to understand what’s going on in there, compared to a nursery!

cc1997 · 09/10/2022 07:42

Why on earth haven't you said anything? The FIRST time you noticed?

Surely this can't be a genuine thread.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/10/2022 08:54

Katapolts · 08/10/2022 21:36

I don't think it's a big deal that the CM doesn't change a wet nappy in the 3 hours she has her.

If you would like her to be changed though, just ask!

But you don't know when the nursery put that nappy on and op is saying the nappy is FULL.she should be getting changed

blebbleb · 09/10/2022 09:15

Meandmrsjonesgotathinggoingon · 09/10/2022 06:34

This is why I could never get on with the idea of a childminder. It seems so hard to understand what’s going on in there, compared to a nursery!

What? A childminders care is usually the same, if not better than nursery. They aren't usually overrun with loads of children and paid pittance an hour, and my childminder always gives us updates of my sons day at the end of the day and via WhatsApp during the day. This is down to a specific lazy childminder.

Katapolts · 09/10/2022 12:56

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/10/2022 08:54

But you don't know when the nursery put that nappy on and op is saying the nappy is FULL.she should be getting changed

Show quote history

So that's a super quick and easy conversation to have - "Hi CM, I noticed Betty's nappy was really full when we picked her up yesterday. I don't know what time it's changed at nursery so could you please change her again in the afternoon?".
All sorted.

Katapolts · 09/10/2022 12:57

parsniiips · 09/10/2022 05:47

That isn't a fair comment.

As a knackered, busy working parent with more shit to do after work, I wouldn't want my kid piss arsing about looking for their shoes and coat once I'd arrived. I want them ready to walk out of the door after a quick run down of anything I need to be aware of from the childminder.

It's a childcare setting, basically a nursery at a house, not grandma's.

And to be honest if I was a childminder, and I'd had several kids in my care for the last ten hours, damn right id want them leaving on time.

But the nappy situation is horrible, and needs reporting. That's basic needs of a child not being met.

Show quote history

Who do you think you could report it to though?

IDontLikeMondays88 · 09/10/2022 13:01

@blebbleb i think it’s really a generalisation to say childminders are better. The ratio of adults to children is likely to be the same or similar. You don’t get one to one care from a childminder either.

TheIsaacs · 09/10/2022 13:09

How many times has this actually happened? You say every time you pick her up she has the nursery nappy on, but then you say you’ve only just noticed because your DH usually does the pick up. So is it once or is it every time? If it’s every time, then yes, say something and consider a new childminder. It’s one time, ask about it and stop being hysterical.

blebbleb · 09/10/2022 13:29

IDontLikeMondays88 · 09/10/2022 13:01

@blebbleb i think it’s really a generalisation to say childminders are better. The ratio of adults to children is likely to be the same or similar. You don’t get one to one care from a childminder either.

I didn't say they were all better.

justmaybenot · 09/10/2022 16:15

TheIsaacs · 09/10/2022 13:09

How many times has this actually happened? You say every time you pick her up she has the nursery nappy on, but then you say you’ve only just noticed because your DH usually does the pick up. So is it once or is it every time? If it’s every time, then yes, say something and consider a new childminder. It’s one time, ask about it and stop being hysterical.

This. If it’s the first time, ask the CM if she could change your baby more frequently. If it’s not the first time YABU to not have asked the CM before now, and/or to send your baby to the CM knowing she’s not having her nappy changed. One way or another, what’s stopping you just asking for the care you’re paying for?

parsniiips · 09/10/2022 17:01

Who do you think you could report it to though?

Ofsted of course.

The people who regulate childcare providers.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 09/10/2022 17:13

YANBU. I'm sure there's good CMs just as there's bad nurseries but my own experience with a CM was pretty bad. My dd was about 20MO and I would turn up to her howling. The final straw was when I turned up 15 minutes early and I could hear dd screaming at their door. She'd already been put in her coat and worse still the miserable bat that was her keyworker was rolling her eyes saying 'she's just having a strop coz I told her she can't go outside with the others. I told her there's no point coz you'd be coming soon' She was literally dressed in her coat and I was 15 mins early so they could easily have let her have a run around. This was only her 4th (and final) visit there too and they knew she was finding it tough. That amongst other things really irked me and made me realise she was never going to get good and loving care there. I went with gut instinct and moved her to a nursery who were the complete opposite and she thrived there. Go with your gut. As pp have said it sounds as if basic care needs aren't being met and I would personally not be taking my child back to such a place. CM's can I'm sure be lovely but IME they aren't anywhere near as regulated as nurseries and rely very much on the attitude and commitment of the individual CM. X

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/10/2022 17:15

blebbleb · 08/10/2022 19:58

@justmaybenot surely this is not something that needs to be communicated to a childminder? It's common sense to clean and change a baby, especially if you are paid to do so. Just shows how lazy and negligent they are.

This.

You wouldn’t expect to go to a cafe and remind them to wash the cups or clean the tables. If you had to do this you just wouldn’t go back. Keeping a child clean and dry is basic care, it shouldn’t need a mention.

NumberTheory · 09/10/2022 17:17

This is basic care. I would start looking for another child minder. If she can’t be bothered doing this, what other shortcuts is she taking that you won’t see?

Talk to her about it, because then your DD might at least get changed for the weeks it takes to find somewhere else, but don’t stay with her.

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