To just not drink alcohol, for no reason other than I don't want to?

[calmandhappyy]

Growing up, my parents never drank alcohol. Not for any reason, they just didn't. As a result, I grew up not really being around alcohol much. When I was a teenager and at university I did try alcohol when friends offered it, but didn't like it or particularly dislike it, just felt indifferent to it.

Now I'm in my late 20s I've started being more assertive with saying I don't drink alcohol, and often people are curious why but I never have an answer - it's not for religious reasons, health reasons or a bad reaction to alcohol I just don't think of it as part of my life and am just not bothered by it. If there's a champagne toast or something I'll happily oblige. But equally, if I'm at a bar I'll happily sit there with a soft drink, but I feel embarrassed when asked why I don't drink, as I don't really have a reason...

It's come up a lot at work, as we have 'happy hour' in the office once a week and they have alcohol. There are frequent drinks out in bars after work and on work trips. Our work Christmas party there's an open bar and people get absolutely drunk even though it takes place 9-5 in our work day, and I can't get out of going as it's mandated/during work hours (I'm already dreading it). Christmas gifts are open bottles of wine/champagne. I hate being around drunk people, they freak me out a bit as I had one bad experience when younger (I was at a friend's house for a sleepover and the parent in charge got really drunk and stumbled into the room we were in in the middle of the night, threw up and then passed out).

Does anyone else relate to not drinking alcohol, but not for any particular reason other than you're just kind of indifferent to it?

@Reallyreallyborednow

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps I think the issue is that’s how most drinkers imagine teetotallers to be. Boring farts who are monitoring and judging their drinking and want to go home early all the time. Fortunately for me dh doesn’t drink, but as the sober one in a couple some partners will take advantage as they know they can get utterly shit faced and will get taken home, put to bed, cleaned up after etc.

Well yeah I guess so. I mean I don't know many/have not met many people who are complete teetotal, because as you say people will usually hang around like minded people. I never hung around mothers of young children when I was child free, and I never hung around child free people when I had had my DD. I also wouldn't hang around with people with completely different political views. I know if you hang around 'your own' you just end up living in an echo chamber to a point, but if someone had such radically different political views, I couldn't be friends with them. I just couldn't.

Same if people hated children or cats or anything else I love. I had penpals back in the old days - pre 2010, and one of them was very vocal about how much she hated a certain Hollywood star I like. I thought 'why say this, knowing I like them?' It seemed rude and hurtful, but she was very vocal about how much she loathed this person, and said 'you would NEVER like this film and that film if they weren't in it!' And called me a bit pathetic. I never wrote to her again!

Anyway back to the topic! I guess whilst SOME teetotal people are judgy and irksone, some teetotal people are fine, but my DH was a pain in the arse, and I was glad when he resumed drinking again. I am not sure if a relationship can work out if one is a moderate social drinker (and likes a few at home sometimes) and one is teetotal. Same with vegans. I don't think a vegan and a meat eater can work long term, I really don't. JMHO

That's rubbish. I have a good time anywhere and everywhere, regularly! WITHOUT alcohol. Many people do.

Meeting one of my 3 BFF in Costa every few weeks - 2 cappuccinos, no alcohol, always have a great time and lots of laughs with them.

Day trip with DD - just her and me, going around the shops or to the beach. No alcohol. Have an amazing time with her.

Meal out at lunchtime with DH - no alcohol ... we have a great time and a good laugh.

Plane flights - no alcohol. I enjoy the flights.

Roast dinner with DH at home Sunday lunchtime, with alcohol free beer or wine, (as I don't like drinking in the day as it makes me sleepy.) Again, a good laugh and an enjoyable time.

Ditto pub lunches with DD, friend, or family member.

Various other events like swimming, going for a trip to the cinema, going to the theatre... no alcohol (always too expensive at the theatre.) ALWAYS have a good time.

It's bollocks that people HAVE to have alcohol to 'have a good time.' But to go to the pub in the evening, or a party at night, and have no alcohol is a bit weird IMO. They just go hand in hand. Are people just meant to never drink alcohol now - EVER, lest they be accused of 'only being able to enjoy themselves if they're pissed?'

Such nonsense!

I rest my case. I was right about (some) teetotal people being judgemental and holier-than-thou.

I don't agree with the workplace drinking culture, does your company people who don't drink for religious reasons/medical reasons. I do wonder if using alcohol as gifts/bonuses/team building will one day come under discrimination laws as some members of staff are excluded from receiving/enjoying these items.

"It's bollocks that people HAVE to have alcohol to 'have a good time.' But to go to the pub in the evening, or a party at night, and have no alcohol is a bit weird IMO They just go hand in hand"

And this is exactly the point - why is it weird? Why can I not go to a party and enjoy myself and have a good time unless I am drinking alcohol?

Are pregnant women not allowed at parties, children, drivers, alcoholics, people with illness/medication or is this yet another time someone has to justify their non drinking "just because"

@calmandhappyy I've just given up going out/events with people like work colleagues or people who don't know me that well. Your work Christmas event would fill me with dread too. The constant pressure and nagging to have a drink and not taking 'I just don't like it' as an answer. Then someone inevitably finds it funny to buy me a vodka/rum and diet coke and thinks it's totally undetectable 🙄. It also gives you the reputation of being miserable. I'm not, I just don't like alcohol and prefer chocolate as stress relief.

I too don't know why it bothers you. Just say. I don't drink. Like Annie said, have some Conviction.
I drink tonnes, but I've never given anyone a hard time if they don't. Plus most of my friends who do drink give up for lent, dry January etc, no one says a word.

I've had this 'dont be boring' when I've not joined the drink fest, my response was often along the lines 'I don't think it's necessary to be blind drunk to enjoy myself'.

Hardly discrimnatory, I don't like milk chocolate, where do I complain?

I like this tik tok video on not drinking alcohol ( I do drink though but I really like her reason)

vm.tiktok.com/ZMF28xaeY/

Alcohol is the most overrated thing in life. It has never done anything for me. I'm all for people getting high. Indeed, if there was legal, safe way of feeling the bliss I felt on morphine (when in hospital), I'd use it every day. But alcohol is rubbish. You get a slight buzz, which lasts no more than a minute or so, then it turns you into a slobbering idiot. It's also a depressant.

When you think about it, we live in an insane society. Alcohol is legal, and yet by every measurement it is a dangerous drug. Professor Nutt said that if it was invented tomorrow it would be classed alongside heroin. It makes people tearful, depressed, violent, aggressive and reckless. It causes cancer. It damages the liver and stomach. In spite of that, a vulnerable 18-year-old can walk into Tesco and buy 20 bottles of Vodka. Madness.

On the other hand, mushrooms, ecstasy, Khat, MDMA and the milder forms of cannabis, which make people giggly, affectionate and happy, and cause minimal physical harm, are illegal!!

I would just say 'alcohol doesn't really agree with me' and change the subject.

I very rarely drink myself, I don't care what other people think or ask me.

It is considered exclusionary, but not discriminatory. Many companies discourage drinking-related work events for the reason that they exclude certains groups of people. It is not about 'not liking'.

I'm the same - I do occasionally have a glass of wine or a gin but only if I fancy it, the same as if I fancy a peppermint tea instead of a coffee.

I cannot fathom the thought process of "I'm must go out and get drunk every time I see friends" or "I have a glass/bottle of wine every night". I'm not judging people who do this, I just don't get it!!

I'm not really sure why you're embarrassed by the question.

I can't believe this approach. The OP shouldn't have to be embarrassed because her reason for not drinking is innocuous but there are SO MANY not so comfortable reasons for not drinking I'm surprised anyone has the gall (or need!!) to ask this question. It's such a borish and invasive thing to ask.

On the other hand, mushrooms, ecstasy, Khat, MDMA and the milder forms of cannabis, which make people giggly, affectionate and happy, and cause minimal physical harm, are illegal!!

you’ve never worked on a toxicology ward, have you.

YANBU. I grew up around alcohol and it being the norm to ‘enjoy’ yourself. My family were by now means alcoholics but would get through copious bottles of wine during Sunday dinners, always in the pub on Friday night etc. whenever the kids of the family turned 14 they’d be ‘allowed’ (not really asked if they want it) a small glass of wine. It was almost encouraged. I drank a lot as a teen and all through my 20s. I’m 37 now and struggle to moderate as it’s always been the norm in my life. Currently 3 weeks alcohol free and can see the wood for the trees. Alcohol is the only drug in our society people are shocked by if you ‘don’t’ take it!

Sorry rogue quotation marks in the word ‘don’t’ at the end there.

I never understood this either. Plus I found that UK seems to be very tolerant of people getting drunk or even expecting people to get drunk at certain times/events.
Your workplace sounds a nightmare.

You don't need to give a reason for not drinking, a simple no thanks I don't drink should be enough.

DH doesn't drink (medical reasons) but used to. He has commented on how people behave after drinking even if they're not 'drunk'. He doesn't want to be like that. I drink though but he's OK with that and doesn't give me a hard time about it, he's permanent designated driver.

It would be pretty easy to build a case of indirect discrimination on the grounds of religious beliefs if someone was consistently excluded because of alcohol being involved. Abstaining from alcohol is a key part of more than one of the recognised religions.

It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to exclude someone, if they can materially prove they've been excluded on the basis of a protected characteristic then that's illegal and has implications for businesses.

Yanbu, I don't particularly like it and it would never be a choice for me to unwind with a glass of wine. It would be the last thing I would think of to relax. People look at you like there must be some valid reason as to why you don't want alcohol.

I don't drink, but if asked I'd tell them "Not a fan of alcohol".

@AllThatAndMore I clicked on the linking thinking it would be that girl drinking mimosas, that's enough to put anyone off drinking for life!

i have not drunk alcohol since i was 16. and never regretted that. i was never drunk.
just thought i'd see how long i could go without, and kept going, many years ago now.
it's not an issue, but sometimes i say, i'm not drinking at the moment.
which is true.
and people seem to not ask further questions.
just smile as you say it.
good luck.

@PuppyMonkey I have worked in environments were it is 100 standard and expected to drink alcohol in work social situations. People do ask why you aren't drinking. This is a thing but I appreciate it might not happen to everyone