To just not drink alcohol, for no reason other than I don't want to?

[calmandhappyy]

Growing up, my parents never drank alcohol. Not for any reason, they just didn't. As a result, I grew up not really being around alcohol much. When I was a teenager and at university I did try alcohol when friends offered it, but didn't like it or particularly dislike it, just felt indifferent to it.

Now I'm in my late 20s I've started being more assertive with saying I don't drink alcohol, and often people are curious why but I never have an answer - it's not for religious reasons, health reasons or a bad reaction to alcohol I just don't think of it as part of my life and am just not bothered by it. If there's a champagne toast or something I'll happily oblige. But equally, if I'm at a bar I'll happily sit there with a soft drink, but I feel embarrassed when asked why I don't drink, as I don't really have a reason...

It's come up a lot at work, as we have 'happy hour' in the office once a week and they have alcohol. There are frequent drinks out in bars after work and on work trips. Our work Christmas party there's an open bar and people get absolutely drunk even though it takes place 9-5 in our work day, and I can't get out of going as it's mandated/during work hours (I'm already dreading it). Christmas gifts are open bottles of wine/champagne. I hate being around drunk people, they freak me out a bit as I had one bad experience when younger (I was at a friend's house for a sleepover and the parent in charge got really drunk and stumbled into the room we were in in the middle of the night, threw up and then passed out).

Does anyone else relate to not drinking alcohol, but not for any particular reason other than you're just kind of indifferent to it?

I'm a big drinker but will never understand why non drinkers are almost penalised for not wanting to drink.

I think it's harder perhaps in your 20s because that's what a lot of your age group do, but by 30s people start having kids and some will not be as interested in drinking then. By the time you get to 40s you won't care what people think anyway and also more people stop drinking in their 40s and 50s. But just ignore them anyway.

Not drinking is so much more common now that it surprises me that people still find it remarkable

I needed to read this today. As a recovering alcoholic who spends a lot of time in different recovery social media groups, it's reassuring to know there are non-drinkers out there who don't constantly battle the wine witch. Instead, they're just not arsed about drinking. This is how I aspire to be. I just need to learn to navigate a social life without booze as a crutch. Hats off to you all

I'm the same OP, I don't drink, no reason, it's just something I don't even think about. I have had all the comments asking if I have issues in the past, pregnant, on medication, have you tried xyz you've just not found what you like. It's seen as weird or abnormal not to drink, I find it weird that every social event is geared round alcohol "is there a bar" is the usual response when organising nights out. If I fancy doing something - theatre, cinema, any activity - I will do regardless of a bar being there, others would rather change plans to go somewhere where there is guaranteed to be a bar.
I often think the people who make these comments have issues with their own drinking, they need alcohol to get through the night or relax enough to enjoy the occasion and feel shame or embarrassment that they can't do it sober - perhaps that's judgemental but only on those who continually go on and on about why I am not drinking, I don't ask why you ARE drinking.

I think some people just like getting pissed and silly, if someone in the group isn't drinking, it can make them feel embarrassed to let go a

Oops...and act daft. A bit like how if you want a pudding, some people won't have one unless everyone else is too.

Don't like the alternatives. Wouldn't drink coffee at night like a pp (don't like decaff) and cola and soft drinks are probably less healthy than a glass of red wine. I never overdo it though and even at Christmas/at a party would never drink more than two glasses.

My mum says she comes under pressure because she doesn't drink alcohol, but people know she's on medication that means she can't, so it's very silly.

Isn't that more about time though? If people have finished a main course and are ready to pay and leave, you don't want to be holding everyone else up if you are the only one who wants a pudding. Ditto starter - if nobody else is having a starter it doesn't really work with timings for everyone else.

“No thank you” is a complete sentence. Why does anyone else need to know what you’re drinking? I haven’t come across anyone who gave a hoot what I was or wasn’t drinking since uni. Most people aren’t paying any attention. Do you work with school leavers?

I don't drink either, but I have several reasons for not drinking. An alcoholic parent growing up, another parent who died from Liver disease (even though they didn't drink) and a DH who drinks too much. I never explain myself, I'm comfortable with my decision.

I do drink, I absolutely love a couple of glasses of wine (no more) too often. But I never get drunk but I have never ever and will never drink any alcohol at a work event: I just say “no thanks” IMO there’s a time and a place for drinks ajd for me it’s not at work and it’s not with work colleagues

I don't think there is anything wrong with not drinking alcohol. I love a glass of brandy or wine, but don't drink more than 2 or 3 nights a week, and then it's not much. I can go 3-4 weeks with nothing some months, and then will drink several times a week for the next month.

However...........

I have to say, when people have BEEN drinkers, and they go teetotal, I find them insufferable (some of them.) Not only judgemental and moany and preachy, but also boring. A bit like some people - not all but some - who stop smoking, or stop eating meat, or lose weight. They get all smug and judgemental and really fucking boring!!!

My DH stopped drinking for 2 and a half years, (mid 2010s,) and I can honestly say I really REALLY struggled. He was a pain in the arse!

When we went out to the pub at 7.45pm say, he was ready to leave at 9.00pm, because he was 'tired.' So we'd leave, and then he'd come home and watch TV til midnight. I'd say 'I thought you were tired.' He'd say 'well I was tired in the pub, but I've woken up now.'

People will probably say 'well YOU could have stayed.' But I couldn't. Because a) he had the car, and because we live in the sticks, it would cost £15-20 for a taxi, and b) he wouldn't go without me, but still proceeded to sit there looking at the ceiling, nursing a quarter of a glass of coke he still had left, and just sighing and yawning. I'd say 'GO HOME THEN.' But he wouldn't budge til I went.

Also, he kept making snide comments about my drinking - calling me a lush and a pisshead if I had 2 glasses of wine. AND he would make 'jokes' insinuating I had a fucking drink problem, to neighbours and work colleagues (his AND mine.) I actually went batshit at him after the 6th or 7th time in about a year. We both went to a Christmas party - one at our local pub. It was on 7.30pm til midnight. When we came home (10 minute walk,) he said 'fucking hell YOU were knocking them back tonight weren't you? 2 glasses of wine, 2 Jägermeister's, 1 half a lager, and 2 brandies. I'm amazed you have a functioning liver.'

It was a CHRISTMAS PARTY. I had enjoyed myself thoroughly, and I hadn't had a drink for a fortnight, and he had actually made a note of every drink I had had. I told him he was obsessed, and I am fucking sick of it. I actually said I cannot spend the rest of my life like this, and got to the point (in the new year) where I refused to drink alcohol in his company. He kept telling me I could have a drink (big deal! Like I needed his permission!) But I refused. I said 'you clearly have a massive issue. I believe you're projecting because you're desperate for a drink. SO, as long as we are together and you're not drinking alcohol, I will never drink it in front of you.'

About 6 months later, he started drinking pints of bitter again at the pub, and has the odd nip of brandy at home. Thank GOD. I am not sure how much longer I could have tolerated him to be honest.

tl;dr sorry!

I don't drink, I think there is less pressure and opinions about it as you get older. Twenties are a time when people are still finding themselves and have a lot of insecurities which is probably why people seem so bothered about the fact that you choose to do something different to the 'norm'. You can't go wrong with just being yourself, you don't need to explain yourself. Just be confident in your decisions and don't worry too much about what others think or say about it x

Well done you!! The social settings can be hard even when you have no desire to drink so are doubly hard when you wish you could. The good news is you get used to it until there comes a time when it is just second nature. You can still have fun, dance, engage with others etc and gave a great night. There is absolutely nothing as good as waking up feeling great on A Sunday morning. I will never tire of that feeling even all these years on. Keep going x

Yeah can see this… I think heavy drinkers want partners in crime and maybe feel non-drinkers are, literally and figuratively, a bit of a sober presence. Thinking back to my 20s (when I was into drinking) the partiers probably gravitated towards each other

YANBU OP. I think the UK has an unhealthy relationship with drinking and in other places it’s not considered weird at all to have a soft drink at a bar. I worked at a pub in Germany and people would often come in on a Friday night and drink tea all evening or start with a pint then switch to soft drinks.

I hardly drink at all nowadays (once in a blue moon - maybe a glass of wine with a meal, etc.) - no dramatic reason, just went off it and kind of find the idea of getting drunk for fun a bit weird if I’m honest (although this is definitely something I did back in the day….!) Just no longer appeals

Don’t feel you have to explain yourself, it’s not odd to not drink at all.

I drank lots when younger but since kids I'm not a fan. Keeps me awake, couple drinks give me a hangover and makes me so tired that it's not worth it. I usually just get a tonic water with ice when out. I don't tell people I don't drink; I usually just say I don't drink much as have a low tolerance then laugh it off.

I think it's harder perhaps in your 20s because that's what a lot of your age group do, but by 30s people start having kids and some will not be as interested in drinking then

I found it worse with kids. In my teens/twenties it was all about the binge drinking, usually only once a week, cheap alcohol before going out, making utter tits of ourselves, then having the weekend to watch SM:TV and suffer our hangovers. But we only drank when we went out.

post kids it was all very adult “glass of wine” with bloody everything. Kids birthday parties always had booze for the adults. People sinking a bottle of wine a night just sat at home as they needed to relax after a day with kids. I can see how a lot of functioning alcoholics are the parents with the “wine o’clock” attitudes.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps I think the issue is that’s how most drinkers imagine teetotallers to be. Boring farts who are monitoring and judging their drinking and want to go home early all the time. Fortunately for me dh doesn’t drink, but as the sober one in a couple some partners will take advantage as they know they can get utterly shit faced and will get taken home, put to bed, cleaned up after etc.

Yeah I’ve found this. I rarely drink and when I do, it’s usually because those around me are going on and on and on about it.

Things I’ve tried:
”I don’t really like alcohol” this just gets
-> “Oh you haven’t tried the right drink yet, let’s have a mojito/chablis” etc etc

“I’m driving”
-> ”Leave your car here and cab it! Yoo can pick it up tmrw!”

”I don’t feel like it.”
-> ”Why not??!!”

Usually I try to buy something like lemonade thet looks like it could be alcoholic, so people assume it is, and bother me less. But it’s so annoying how hard people nag on this issue!

I have several friends and a close family member who don't drink alcohol just because they don't. You do you and if people get funny about it, the problem is theirs not yours.

Good for you! It makes you realise how much people rely on alcohol to have a good time.

I don't drink either but for religious reasons.

But people do. If you decline, they go on and on about it. I do drink, but I have to be really mindful of how much because I get migraines. Sometimes it’s fine, other times 2 gins and in the morning I’ll be throwing up and holding onto the floor in a darkened room. It’s a really complex balancing act that depends on hormones, how much I’ve drunk in recent days, how stressed I am generally, and what sort of stress of is, what I’ve eaten, if I’m overweight or not, and how much sleep I am getting generally. It’s also so easy to stop giving a fuck about, or just plain forget, all that after one or two, that’s it’s simpler just to say no right off. (Especially as if I’m stressed I probably need to up my game, not lose a day holding onto the floor!) and people just keep pushing you. I’m up to standing my ground, but it does make it uncomfortable. I think people know they shouldn’t drink so much and you make them uncomfortable if you don’t, frankly. Whereas I don’t care if other people drink, so long as I’m functional tomorrow!

It's interesting that a few posters here have insinuated that it's my issue/insecurity, and that I think people care when they really don't. It's really not, I think not drinking is perhaps the most boring thing about me, and I never give it any thought. I don't make it a part of my identity, the same way I don't make being a non-smoker part of my identity.

I'm relieved others who don't drink get where I'm coming from, because I really think that maybe it's something you don't realise unless you are one of those people who don't drink alcohol, but it does come up a lot in conversations/social settings/work settings. It may also be to do with my company's culture, as it's a very sociable company that has alcohol happy hours in the office every week, followed by drinks after work at least 1-2 times per week, and monthly socials where work pays for drinks and food, that people tend to get tipsy at.

I get you @calmandhappyy