Useless husband or am I being mean?

[confusedMumm443]

I have a bad case of food poisoning. It is slightly better today but still running to the loo at least every 30 minutes. DH texted me last night at 9:00 saying he’s 30 minutes from home, I texted back saying great as I’m feeling really rough and would like him to pick up more painkillers from Tesco. Waited till 10pm no reply from calls and messages. Tried again at 11. Fell asleep and as I was waking up constantly to go to the loo I know he came home at exactly 2:04am.

today he’s been moody when I asked where he was. He’s been trying to fight with me constantly. I have zero energy so have ignored. I asked him if I could have 20 mins to myself just to sip some tea and he could keep eldest busy with her maths homework and younger one is okay anyway as he’s calmer and plays nicely on his own. All hell broke loose as he’s shouting at eldest as she doesn’t understand how he’s teaching her the English homework! He knows fully well she struggles with English and loves maths and actually begs us to give her more maths work. He replied back with “I thought English would be easier as it looks easier!” It’s seriously like he’s a stranger in this home. He’s got a degree in maths btw and works in a maths related field and he didn’t need to do anything just sit with her. Nothing remotely hard.

ive really had enough of him. I’m typing this whilst sitting next to her which is all he needed to do whilst I sat in bed with Netflix on and sip my tea. I asked him for 20 mins. I’ve had enough

He's a dick, get rid.

I would be passed off. He sounds shit. Is he usually like this? Or is he more stressed than usual over something?

You're feeling more stressed about this because you're feeling absolutely rubbish which is understandable. So the homework thing hasn't helped but on another day probably wouldn't be such an issue.

But where was he for 5 hours last night? That's the big question. Why won't he answer??

That sounds awful, OP, my sympathies. He's useless - consider getting rid!

He’s done this a lot over the 12 years of marriage. In the early days pre-kids I would stay up and cry. Once I called the police! They were so lovely but obviously couldn’t do nothing as not enough time had gone by. Another time I called my sister and she phoned up all the hospitals making sure he wasn’t admitted. I did this for the first 3 years. Now I know not to get anxious but it pisses me off. We had marriage counselling which was a waste if time (I will share details later if I get the chance) he basically said in the session that I shouldn’t take it as face value the time he gives and to add in a few hours!

Fucking useless.
💐

Where does he say he goes when he's out late though?

So he says he's 30 mins away then rocks up at 2am. Where had he been ?

He says:
he lost track of time
work colleagues insisted he stay for another
phone battery died

these are just a few examples

Get rid.

Another vote for Useless.

He obviously has a girlfriend, but that’s irrelevant since he’s such a shit, damaging failure as a father. Can you safeguard your kids from being terrorised by him until you dump him?

How come you chose to marry and reproduce with some guy you’ve been crying over for years? Like….you are choosing misery, which is fine if you’re in to that, but unacceptable to make your kids live like this.

You have wasted so much of your life in this utterly shit marriage. It's tragic. Why are you doing this?

I think the staying out in general I could get over if he was engaged and a good husband and father the rest of the time.

But

He basically lies about being on his way
He left you ill and needing painkillers after saying he would get some, it sounds like he is absolutely no support when you're ill, let alone the rest of the time
He wont even help with his own kids homework for 20 min

What's the actual point of him?

(Only thing you're being unreasonable about (apart from staying with him) is that having a maths degree doesn't actually make it any easier to teach young kids maths, its taught in a completely different way than it used to be - I have a maths degree and have to google the teaching methods for my primary age kid)

Utterly useless and nasty to boot.

Your poor children.

Hope you feel better soon.

It sounds like he's one foot out the door in the relationship. If he cared for you he wouldn't do anything you've described. So sorry you're ill and no one to look after you OP. No one deserves that. You deserve better.

He doesn’t want to be committed to you. It cramps his lifestyle. He wants the trappings of a family, with you doing whatever’s necessary to make that happen. He just wants to live his own life next to you all.

Crazy situation. He doesn't seem to give a shit (no pun intended) about you

There are too many threads where OP’s who know they’re in the right ask ‘AIBU’ anyway. If you want virtual hugs just say so.

I wouldn't call him useless. I'd call him damaging and abusive.

Bad luck you’ve had kids with a prat

It's that old mistake of "throwing good money after bad", "flogging a dead horse",etc.

I also did those things and now that I'm old I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been less stubborn/resistant to change/foolish and had lavished that effort and energy on a relationship that had more potential.

What an inadequate shit of a father and husband. Ugh.

So blatantly and obviously useless that I wonder why you've not tossed him yet?

He shouldn’t be shouting at the children. Not in less than 20mins.
Thats really concerning to be honest. He sounds verbally abusive.