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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate weekends?

37 replies

FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 12:15

I hate them. I am a single parent, dad not around. No family about. DC won’t go to nursery (tried that, huge failure, left) and wants to be by my side 24/7 no matter what I do (I had to clean the kitchen worktops down today holding their hand). Have Some friends with children and some without, and do various baby and toddler groups during the week.

Then the weekend comes and everyone is off with their families, days out, days in the house or garden together, hobbies or walks or nice meals it’s all family or couples time. And I’m all alone with DC. It’s just another day to us, another day where I have to entertain DC for 12 hours, another day where I barely have any adult conversation l. Then DC goes to sleep and I have to tidy and clean and do washing before DC wakes up a billion times over night. I can’t take DC to soft plays or farms etc because we have no money.

Mumsnet loves to tell people to leave their partners at the drop of the hat but being a single parent sucks. I’m so jealous of friends who get breaks, get to have their hair cut or do their hobbies or have a shower or just get two minutes peace. People who have someone else around the house, who have someone to share chores and DIY. Have someone to think things through with and chat to and not have to deal with the mental and physical load of everything. I’m lonely. I have tried parenting apps and groups and no one wants an awkward parent to hang out with. I even tried that home start thing but they responded and said they’d be in touch but they never did.
I hate weekends because it brings it all home just how rubbish this is.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 08/10/2022 12:21

I feel the same op, just made my own thread recently, I’m also a lone parent, father not involved at all so I never get a break. But other single parents tell me I’m lucky that he is not involved so I don’t have to “share” my kids, not sure how never getting a break makes me lucky. Most single mums seem to love it though and say how much better/easier it is on your own.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2022 12:24

You don’t have to miss your ex to envy two parent households. I would persist with the nursery OP, you need a break, if it was school they’d have to get used to it.

mamabear715 · 08/10/2022 12:29

I sometimes felt the same. Then I'd be staring out of the window on Bank Holidays & see neighbouring families bickering as they got in the car to go out. I felt blessed!
The grass is always greener.
Your DC will get older & things will be easier.. I know that doesn't help right now, but it WILL get better. xx

maryberryslayers · 08/10/2022 12:32

Of course DC can go to nursery. You'll be a better parent after you've had a break. It might even mean you can get a job and have a bit more money for weekends. They need time to settle, and get used to being away from you ready for school. Look around for a nurturing setting with high ratios.
Have you looked for single parents support groups in your area?

DamnUserName21 · 08/10/2022 12:32

Single parent here with no DP involvement. It's gets easier, OP. A part time job and getting my DC into nursery was a godsend. A lot of settling in sessions were required.
I had a few single parent friends to meet with at the weekend. I had to develop these relationships though. Hosted a lot of play dates and cheap dinner parties.
Agree with above either persevere with nursery or find a childminder-the latter might be better for your little one.
Flowers

Hymnulop · 08/10/2022 12:34

You need to redo nursery. Give yourself a break and use that time to try and make some more money and then you can do softplay etc when you want to. We all go through this, you can do it.

DoingJustFine · 08/10/2022 12:34

How old is your DC?

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 12:35

FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 12:15

I hate them. I am a single parent, dad not around. No family about. DC won’t go to nursery (tried that, huge failure, left) and wants to be by my side 24/7 no matter what I do (I had to clean the kitchen worktops down today holding their hand). Have Some friends with children and some without, and do various baby and toddler groups during the week.

Then the weekend comes and everyone is off with their families, days out, days in the house or garden together, hobbies or walks or nice meals it’s all family or couples time. And I’m all alone with DC. It’s just another day to us, another day where I have to entertain DC for 12 hours, another day where I barely have any adult conversation l. Then DC goes to sleep and I have to tidy and clean and do washing before DC wakes up a billion times over night. I can’t take DC to soft plays or farms etc because we have no money.

Mumsnet loves to tell people to leave their partners at the drop of the hat but being a single parent sucks. I’m so jealous of friends who get breaks, get to have their hair cut or do their hobbies or have a shower or just get two minutes peace. People who have someone else around the house, who have someone to share chores and DIY. Have someone to think things through with and chat to and not have to deal with the mental and physical load of everything. I’m lonely. I have tried parenting apps and groups and no one wants an awkward parent to hang out with. I even tried that home start thing but they responded and said they’d be in touch but they never did.
I hate weekends because it brings it all home just how rubbish this is.

Have you considered teaming up with another mother in your situation, to homeshare and provide mutual support?

Where is your child's father?

DoingJustFine · 08/10/2022 12:37

I had to clean the kitchen worktops down today holding their hand*

I realise this must be stressful and tiring for you - but you sound like a dream parent. I'd have loved that with my mum when I was little. She was the centre of my universe. We're still really close now, but I managed to move out young and have been really independent! I just loved the BONES of her.

Original poster
FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 12:37

Child’s father is abroad.

I don’t know any other single parents. I’ve tried to meet others, even downloaded an app but haven’t met anyone so far.

I tried and tried at nursery. DC cried before, during and even talking about going. It didn’t work for DC, me or the nursery staff.

OP posts:
DoingJustFine · 08/10/2022 12:38

Neither of my kids liked nurseries but they both loved childminders. Would that be a possibility?

Original poster
FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 12:41

DoingJustFine · 08/10/2022 12:38

Neither of my kids liked nurseries but they both loved childminders. Would that be a possibility?

I’ve contacted all the local ones as I thought this too but they’re all full at the moment. We’re on loads of waiting lists.

OP posts:
Belledan1 · 08/10/2022 12:42

Have you tried gingerbread or something like it local. Def pursue with the nursery if you can.

MumUndone · 08/10/2022 12:45

This sounds hard. Could you try a different nursery, maybe a smaller one so less overwhelming?

golddustwomen · 08/10/2022 12:46

That's shit op Sad how old are your dc? If you're around my way of the West Midlands I'd love a new friend. My oh works away a lot and life can get quite lonely for me too.

TheRubyRedshoes · 08/10/2022 12:48

Agree whilst it's gruelling and incredibly hard you do sound like a dream parent.
Your are doing a great job!

Op I had a partner but no other help. I found the days hard ,I was done by 5pm and would drive 40 each way to just hand over to DH in the car.

I don't know what to suggest expect to say ...it's hard. Unbelievably hard.
As hard as it is though, it does get better and does ease.

Also don't get set...what they can't do or don't like one week will change week to week so don't give up on nursery or toddler groups..
Toddler groups and soft play play were my saviour!!
And v cheap, a few pounds.

Mybestyear · 08/10/2022 12:53

FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 12:37

Child’s father is abroad.

I don’t know any other single parents. I’ve tried to meet others, even downloaded an app but haven’t met anyone so far.

I tried and tried at nursery. DC cried before, during and even talking about going. It didn’t work for DC, me or the nursery staff.

So did mine and it was heartbreaking taking him every week. But he got used to it. As others have said, he will need to leave you for school. You are setting him a poor example and making a rod for your own back. Don’t mean to be unkind, but you’re doing neither of you and favours. Good luck.

DoingJustFine · 08/10/2022 12:55

You are setting him a poor example and making a rod for your own back.

This seems harsh. Really harsh.

Hitatiks · 08/10/2022 13:00

Is there a single parent network near you? Or a family walking group? I met the people I know through that. Try homestart again too, an admin failure just meant you got lost.

There are also people in miserable marriages who would love to do something without their spouses at weekends! They are potential friends too.

If you can't find anything, start your own group.

There are people in your boat or similar too OP. You do need to reach out to find them though.

TheHoover · 08/10/2022 13:00

I have always thought weekends are really tough for single parents. You and others in your situation have my sympathy.

Heyahun · 08/10/2022 13:03

What do you mean when you say nursery didn’t work??

! I’m not a single parent but honestly I couldn’t cope with the weekends without a bit of a break in the week - and by a break I mean being at work 🙈 I find work easier than parenting tbh !

then by the weekend I have missed her so much so can handle it as I want to spend time with her

I find getting out the house all day is easiest - loads of free things to do - playgrounds, free farms, parks

Delatron · 08/10/2022 13:09

It sounds really tough not having a break.

I think lots of kids cry when they first start nursery though. How old is DC? Did the nursery offer a settling in trial for an hour? With ours we stayed with them the first time then left them just for an hour and built from there. They often take a while to settle in.

If you could make nursery work it really would be life changing for you. Are there any other nurseries you could try?

Hymnulop · 08/10/2022 13:11

Op how old is DC? age 1 will give different advice to age 4.

Delatron · 08/10/2022 13:12

Also entertaining your DC for 12 hours sounds exhausting. You sound amazing as I couldn’t done that. A bit of TV for them so you can get a break and do the cleaning in the day and not night?

Original poster
FlimFlamFlim · 08/10/2022 13:13

He’s only two, so I figured maybe he was just too little?

I left the first day for half an hour then I was called back because he was so upset. I stayed after that but it was like the damage was done, he just cried constantly even when the word was mentioned.

I want to try somewhere new and do it differently this time, but it’s made him even more clingy than before. He can’t bear to be without me, he won’t play alone or be in a different room even he can still see me.

OP posts: