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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do you split finances?

48 replies

Cocopogo · 08/10/2022 00:33

DP earns twice as much as me and we want to live together but can’t agree on how to split finances. He said bills should be 50/50 and whatever we have left is ours except he’ll have 1-2k and I’ll have 1-2 hundred left and I have two kids (not his) as well as losing tax credits to move in together. This doesn’t seem fair to me but DP is adamant it is.
How does everyone else split their finances when they earn different amounts?

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:35

Seriously? How did your vagina not dry up the second you realised he thinks it's fine for you and your kids to lose tax credits due to moving in together, but that he shouldn't put his hand in his pocket to help reimburse you?

And please don't tell me he's moving into your home?

Tsort · 08/10/2022 00:38

Why on Earth would you move in with this man and disadvantage yourself?

After taxes, pensions, etc, DH earns slightly more than twice as much as I do. We both get the exact same amount of ‘play’ money a month and the rest goes into the joint account (all bills and household payments come out of it), savings and investments.

PrincessButtercupToo · 08/10/2022 00:41

We each pay exactly the same amount each month into the joint account, which covers mortgages, food, maintenance, nanny, holidays, bills etc.

What’s left in our own accounts is treated as our own.

We know that if we ever divorced that this wouldn’t mean much, as our assets would all be shared, but we both prefer that we don’t pool everything.

NoSquirrels · 08/10/2022 00:41

If you’ll be financially disadvantaged moving in together, don’t do it.

His suggestion is unfair as you lose out financially with him moving in. So at the very least he would need to contribute the extra that is money you’re losing for the pleasure of his company.

You could contribute proportionately to income, so if he earns £50K and you earn £25K, for instance, he’d contribute twice as much to the pot.

You have DC to pay for though, and he shouldn’t cover their living costs. So that makes it difficult to make proportionately work.

You’ll always have less disposable cash than him. Will that lead to resentment?

Financial inequality or differences in attitudes to money are pretty toxic in a relationship- sorting it out so everyone feels it’s fair is fundamental or you’re doomed.

What’s he like as a boyfriend now? Generous or cautious with cash?

Celebrityskint · 08/10/2022 00:42

In your case I absolutely would not move in with him.

DH and I initially had a joint bank account where we put half of the bills in each and kept the rest to ourselves. (Pre marriage, no kids, similar income)
when married we had all wages paid into joint account but transferred equal spends to each of our accounts.
when I was pregnant and ever since, we just have one joint bank account

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:47

Oh I've just realised it's you OP.

I'm not sure how often you have to hear it, but your 'D'P is a cheating piece of shit who very clearly doesn't want to marry you or live with you.

I'm sorry but you've started repeated threads about this awful man and you and your kids would be 100% better off without him Flowers

Original poster
Cocopogo · 08/10/2022 00:48

He’s usually quite generous with money but he’s recently had a pay rise whereas I took a pay cut to change career and things have changed.

OP posts:
Tsort · 08/10/2022 00:48

I've just read your previous posts. Please do not sell your home and move your children in with this nasty, grabby, gaslighting cheat.

RugsDontBelongInKitchens · 08/10/2022 00:53

What is he classing as bills? Does that includes all your costs such as food, transport, car, clothing, everything for dc, activities etc?

my DH and I broadly earn similar, we both pay a set amount into a bills account (household expenses) and savings (home improvements account and holiday account)

when I was on maternity he increased his contribution as my wages went down. Once I went to statutory mat pay he covered everything.

sometimes I get a bonus which I use to pay for family holidays as I tend to organise trips. DH has been earning quite a bit wxtra lately which he will discuss with me but generally he will have a plan for it (he bought dc Christmas presents with his august bonus)

relationships are a partnership, if one person has all the money there will always be a power imbalance. That does not work nevermind with kids involved

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:59

Tsort · 08/10/2022 00:48

I've just read your previous posts. Please do not sell your home and move your children in with this nasty, grabby, gaslighting cheat.

This ^^

All day long.

MrsKeats · 08/10/2022 01:01

Oh I've read the other threads now.
How are you still with this man op?

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 01:02

Can you not see he's doing everything possible to make it impossible for you two to live together?

He's put a stumbling block in front of both buying a house and in front of the so called 'wedding', which he only eventually agreed to because he cheated on you.

Wake up OP. He's a rotten shit.

NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 01:04

Has this been posted before? I feel like I remember this and it was an overwhelming do not move in with him as you will be at a massive disadvantage

HighlandPony · 08/10/2022 01:07

He pays pretty much everything and I buy the kids clothes sometimes, probably buy 75% of the food shopping and occasionally I will cough up for legal diesel for whichever vehicle I’m driving that day. I do the lions share of the house and kids stuff tho.

Mentalpiece · 08/10/2022 01:37

Our wages both go into one account, all the bills come out a couple of days later at the same time, then we just spend as we need to.

Domino20 · 08/10/2022 01:56

Please get some self respect. Put your kids before a relationship and bin this guy. It's pointless making repeat threads and ignoring the advice.

Wilburisagirl · 08/10/2022 07:24

I just can't get my head around this. You will essentially be worse off for moving in with him.

My husband earns way more than me as I currently only work one day per week and care for our young children the rest of the time. We put all our money into a joint account. We pay mortgage and bills, pay some into savings for the kids and have an agreed budget for the left over. I get a lot more spending money than my husband because I buy the presents, kids clothes etc out of my money.

ScarlettSunset · 08/10/2022 07:28

Just don't move in with him.
He's obviously happy with the idea of seeing you

ScarlettSunset · 08/10/2022 07:31

Sorry, phone posted to soon!
He's happy to see you and you kids go without as a result of you moving in with him.
Why make your kids worse off for the sake of a relationship with someone who has such little regard for them?
If you still want to keep seeing him then just do so without living with him. Living together isn't something you HAVE to do and it doesn't sound like it will enhance your life in any way

ChickpeaPie · 08/10/2022 07:32

Everything in and out of joint account

Whatacarryonthisis · 08/10/2022 07:32

Honestly don’t move in with him

people don’t change their view on stuff like this and money is not something you want to have different views on

if you must move in I think the fairest way is to split bills based on % of earnings. that’s what we did initially then it all just went in one pot and that’s how we have it now
we have joint and separate savings too

Goldengoosey · 08/10/2022 07:36

You have had loads of solid advice about this cheating arsehole over a number of posts. You have taken none of it so I’m not inclined to give any on the latest issue. Why you are even considering setting up home with him, only you know. Re-read all of your previous threads and responses. This might help you.

PaperPalace · 08/10/2022 07:38

He's being completely unreasonable. This isn't how couples split finances. Don't move in with him OP.

DashboardConfessional · 08/10/2022 07:38

Eurgh. Why do you want to live with him?

There's no "fair" way of doing this really when you have children. He'd have to accept proportional despite the kids not being his, or you'd have to accept his proposal where your share is effectively 50% of the bills to cover 3 occupants vs his 1.

Just don't move in together.

luxxlisbon · 08/10/2022 07:42

Personally I would only merge finances when married so living together as a dating couple is 50/50. To me, if you aren’t committing to each other then it’s completely stupid for one person to finically support another and not in their best interest.

It sounds like since this is an issue you are struggling to work out that you aren’t in a committed enough relationship where you feel like a family, so I don’t think you should move your kids around for it.